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Welcome to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life. My name is Brandy Gillmore, and after recovering from my own life changing injury, it's become my mission to share with others the same discoveries I made. that changed my health and my entire life. Our minds are truly incredible. The placebo is proof of this.
Each week I will take this simple awareness to a whole new level. I will even coach live callers to free themselves of physical pain using only their mind. And then I'll provide you with a combination of practical and spiritual insights that you can use to master your mind and body. Your emotions and your energy to help you heal your health, yourself and your life.
Let's begin.
Hello and welcome. It is so wonderful to connect with you. Welcome to this week's quick Q& A. where we talk about insights and questions. And on today's episode, we have a really great question regarding relationships and really transforming the relationship that you're in, or even just relationships.
around you. So whether it's romantic relationships or family relationships, this is something that you can apply to any relationship in your life. And so that said, let me go ahead and grab the question and the email. Here we go. All right. So today's email reads, hi, Brandy and team. I am wondering if I can submit a question for the IQ episode.
I heard Brandy speak on an interview about relationships recently, and it was eye opening. After hearing her talk, I now see that I have patterns with my husband that I didn't realize were there. I am sure there are more patterns in relationships that I'm not seeing, but my question is about whether to leave the relationship or not.
On the interview, Brandy mentioned that when you change your energy that either your relationship changes or other times you attract a different relationship. I am wondering if there is a way to know which one is best. My husband is a nice guy in general, but many times it feels as though he is critical of me.
And I feel very triggered by it. He is also very negative at times and doesn't seem to want to change it. Anytime I try to talk to him about it, he just shuts down and says he doesn't want to talk now. I'm not sure what to do if I should stay with him. And then it goes into more details, but we're actually going to go ahead and stop right here because here is the bulk of the question is it keeps coming back to this thing of saying, you know, should I stay?
Should I leave? How do I know if he's going to change or if I need to find somebody else? And it kind of just goes down that path. Now, first and foremost, I want to speak to exactly that. And I want to say that each situation is different. And I would never typically give somebody advice on whether to stay or to go, unless, of course, it was physically harmful or abusive or dangerous in any type of way, then, of course, I would say, you know, definitely leave ASAP and contact the authorities.
So, absolutely. As far as just providing advice and saying that somebody should leave or somebody should stay, there's a major problem with that. And it's this, it's that, you know, you may have experienced this in your own life where if somebody is giving you advice or you're giving somebody advice on who they should date and what can happen a lot of times is this, is that when we look at dating and relationships and any type of relationships, you know, romantic relationships, all kinds of relationships.
They are very much a result of patterns. And, you know, going back to that unfortunate stereotype of, you know, there's the woman who has the abusive father and leaves him and finds the abusive boyfriend, boss, spouse, you know, that pattern continues. And of course that isn't true in every situation. It really depends on how the information goes into the mind.
But if we use this as an example, the first thing we can see is that we can see relationships have patterns. Now, this is a more obvious pattern, but patterns show up in so many different ways, and every time that I've worked with anybody on relationship stuff, there's always patterns in it that people aren't seeing, not because people aren't smart, but because of course, The information is very subconscious.
And so I love that this person who wrote in understood that from the interview. She, you know, she mentioned that there's probably even more things that she's not seeing. So when we look at it for a moment, we can see that, you know, there are patterns with relationships. Now, if we build on that, what happens is this, is if I were to just give somebody advice and say, you should date this person, or you shouldn't date this person, what happens?
Is that they're not going to be really attracted to or pulled towards or connected to the person that they quote unquote should date if there's all those negative patterns, you know, using that example of the woman with the abusive father, if there is a man who's wonderful and sweet and kind and, you know, makes logical sense, a lot of times that spark isn't there.
And so no matter what advice this person gets, they always seem to go back to that trouble relationship, you know, that problem pattern, but not the one that they quote unquote should be going towards or the healthy one. And again, the reason for that is because of those patterns that are running at the subconscious level.
And so ultimately, That's what you want to address are those patterns and that's what I always tell people because I've heard a lot of people say you know, should I stay in this relationship or should I not and The most important thing you'll want to note is that whatever Emotional pattern is there that's attracting that relationship when you really change that pattern then you really change your life and That's what this woman was referring to In her question is that on this particular interview that she's talking about is, I was talking about exactly this is that, you know, when you really change those patterns, that one of two things happens, either your relationship with your partner changes, and it feels better.
And so the problem is solved. or you end up dissolving that relationship to actually meet somebody who is healthier for you. And so either one of those things can occur. And I see that happen all of the time. And so I want to unpack this even more because even in her letter, the way that it was written, she mentioned that she was triggered by him at times.
And I have absolute compassion for her. And If we take this awareness and we look at it, if you think about a trigger for a moment, if somebody's getting triggered, then there's an emotional pattern that's there. I mean, there's a sensitive spot. And one way to think about that is, you know, if somebody touched your arm.
it wouldn't hurt. But if somebody touched your arm and there was a bruise there, then that could hurt. And so what happens with the trigger is, you know, if you think about kind of an emotional bruise that's there, and unfortunately what happens is that patterns breed more of the same. And so even the way that she wrote this question where she said, I feel very triggered by him at times, we can see just from this.
Part of the reason that this relationship has attracted now, what's brilliant is this, is that all of the time I see when people really clear their own patterns, genuinely, so that feeling isn't there anymore all of the time. I see amazing shifts in that relationship or in the relationships that a person is attracting or even again, sometimes the relationship does.
Dissolve and it's time to move on to another one, but at least it feels good in doing so. It feels complete. And so again, the more you genuinely transform the patterns, the more that you'll know. It's like your own internal compass will guide you down the correct path because you're aligned with something better.
But to kind of give you an idea of some of the situations or scenarios that I see with people, this one is the most common. This first scenario, it's this. It's that, you know, in the past there was a relationship Transcripts provided by Transcription Outsourcing, LLC. There was this guy who always felt criticized.
So he was feeling very, very criticized in his relationship. Okay. And his wife had a major trigger to feeling rejection or abandonment. And what happened in their situation is that she might say comments, you know, just about anything. And because he was very sensitive. about feeling criticized and about any little thing.
So if she just mentioned something like, Hey, could you do this? Or could you do that? Immediately, he felt like he didn't do it or he should have done something different, but he was very sensitive. to feeling criticized and he would immediately take it on as criticism. And his way of responding to the criticism was actually to get very quiet and just kind of go inside and be very, very distant.
And so that was his way of just going inside and kind of shutting down. Now, her trigger was a feeling of rejection or abandonment and so as soon as he felt distant and You know was upset with his own pattern that would immediately trigger her to feel like oh my god He's gonna leave me. He's gonna abandon me and Because she wasn't seeing her comments towards him as even being critical She didn't know what was happening, so she felt like all of a sudden, he's shut down, and she doesn't know why, and she's now feeling abandoned, and like she's gonna get rejected, and then of course, what does she do from that state?
she starts telling him the things that he's doing wrong and ends up triggering him even more. And as you can imagine, the spiral just continues. Now, what happens is this, is you can see that both of their patterns are triggering each other, but Not intentionally. I mean, she's not intending to criticize him, and he's not intending to reject and abandon her, and yet for both of them, it's feeling that way.
And I see this all of the time with patterns that wouldn't even normally make sense, you know, where one person might be doing something that is then triggering the other person, but it's not intentional. And then the other person's triggering the other person back. It's like their patterns are triggering each other and they don't even realize it.
And so what happens is of course, is that if one person is able to clear their patterns, then it allows them to more clearly understand is happening with their partner, because that's what happens is that, you know, if both people are triggered, it's so much harder for anybody to really be fully available.
to understand each other. But if you let go of that trigger, then it makes it easier to be able to respond to the current moment and really have compassion for the other person and understanding. And so that in and of itself can transform a relationship. And again, I see that all of the time. Or another situation that I see is where a person does have that pattern and the pattern actually did manifest.
You know, for example, let's say that she does have this pattern of feeling criticized and her partner's actually critical. You know, he has this pattern of being critical. Now, what can happen in this situation though? is very different. And, you know, in some instances, he might just be a very critical person and that's the way he is.
And so she may just need to leave and maybe that's what needs to happen. And of course, still clear her pattern and that internal hurt on the inside. So that could play as one way to move forward or Another situation is that he is critical. And once she releases the trigger, she just doesn't even take it personally.
Like he could be saying whatever, and she just doesn't even take it on as an issue at all, just genuinely, it's just not her thing. And that can be another situation that occurs and I've seen people just move forward beautifully with that, you know, kind of like if you've ever seen your spouse upset before and just.
wasn't your thing, so it wasn't a problem. Um, I've seen that situation play out. And then what's happened is that then the couple ends up getting closer and closer just because they have a different way of understanding each other and also not needing each other to be perfect at the same time. So that's another type of situation in a scenario that I've seen play out.
Or Another one is that let's say her partner is critical of her, but once she really changes her pattern, that he actually stops, you know, maybe he is the type of guy that's not really critical of other people. It just shows up in certain areas of his life, meaning this, meaning when you stop and think about it, for a lot of people, they treat everybody.
in a bit of a different way, you know, some people they treat with absolute respect and other people they may not respect as much. And, you know, your relationship of how you treat your mom is probably different than how you may treat your sibling. And that's probably different than how you may treat a child.
And so you can see that a lot of times what happens for people, is they have a different relationship with each person and even with co workers. You know, a person can treat one co worker with absolute respect and another co worker, they just don't have any respect for. And that can show up. And so, point being, is that, you know, using that same coworker example about one person getting respect and the other person not being respected, if that person who's not respected, if they really look at their patterns and they really look at what is going on in their subconscious mind and what's happening and genuinely change it, that person can start to be respected.
And sometimes that's going to be only internal, you know, just dealing with patterns. And sometimes what will happen is a person will change their patterns and they'll also need to change their actions. And that person can start feeling respected in life. And again, you know, that's just another example.
And so what you'll ultimately want to take from this, is that change does happen in a variety of different ways. You know, even just with these examples, there are so many more examples that I can give you of people transforming inside and it changes their relationship. And so if you have been experiencing frustrations in your relationship or your patterns, then the biggest thing is that you'll definitely genuinely want to change and that.
It might show up in a variety of different ways. And so the best thing I can do in this case with this question is, again, is that my goal isn't to answer the question itself of should you stay or should you leave? But really it's about understanding all of the ways that change can happen and about assessing change.
that situation in your life. And so one thing you'll want to look at is you'll want to ask yourself about your trigger is first and foremost, you'll want to be willing to let it go. So you can see with more clarity because sometimes what happens is that it's not actually happening. Like the first scenario that I gave you where the couples were triggering each other, you know, the guy was feeling criticized.
So he was feeling reclusive. And then suddenly the wife is feeling. Abandoned and rejection and so it's triggering each other and neither one of them was really trying to trigger one another and so You'll definitely want to clear your trigger if for nothing else at least for the clarity because the more you Release the trigger the more clearly you'll you'll be able to see and the more clearly you'll be able to assess the situation and So that's my biggest suggestion of course is to always make sure to clear that pattern on the inside no matter what no matter Whether you're staying or leaving the relationship or even if you don't know either way You'll want to clear that pattern.
Now, I do want to speak to this equally because as you probably know, there are a lot of women who are always trying to change men. And by the way, that happens both ways. So there are a lot of men who are wanting to change women. There are a lot of people who are always wanting to change each other. And I don't want you to get stuck there either thinking, okay, well, let me just change my partner.
And it's not about really changing your partner per se, but rather the way that you guys connect and relate to one another, you know, in a relationship or, you know, whatever that relationship is, if it's a family relationship or whatever that is, something you'll want to note is that if you find yourself trying to change your partner and change the way your partner is, just who they are or how they behave, then maybe that's not the partner for you.
Because all the time I see people who are trying to change somebody who doesn't want to be changed. And that can be really common. And so if you're wanting your partner to change and your partner's not wanting to change, then you want to make sure to accept your partner as they are and If it's a deal breaker for you, you know, if they do something that's just not acceptable for you instead of Continuing to try to change them when they don't want to change.
That is a good sign that maybe it's time to move on and Go in a different direction and start really Manifesting the relationship that you do want. And so, I just want to put that out there as well, just because all of the time I do see both scenarios occur, where sometimes it's just a pattern and it's not even really happening per se, but both people are getting triggered and triggering each other's trigger, unconsciously.
And they don't realize it. And what can happen in that case is that, I mean, who's right? Well, they both are, they both have wounds. You know, if you think about the guy who was triggered by feeling criticized and he's being reclusive, well, you can understand that's his pattern and that's his wounding. And then if you think about the fact that.
That then triggered his wife into feeling abandonment and rejection. Well, that's her pattern and that's her wounding. And so unconsciously, of course, they were sitting there triggering each other. And again, I can't emphasize how often I see that very thing happen. Or the other most common thing is that people are always trying to change somebody who doesn't want to be changed.
And so maybe it's time to have that conversation. with somebody and say, you know, Hey, I really need this to change. And by the way, that was a bit of a red flag from her question where she said, every time she tries to talk to him about it, he says, not now. So that could be a red flag or it could be another pattern, meaning this, meaning if she has the belief that he never wants to talk and she's really frustrated about it.
She might subconsciously just be asking him at all of the wrong times because she said in her question He says not now, so that doesn't sound like not ever, but it just sounds like not now So that might be her very pattern playing out again. He never wants to talk He never wants to talk and she's asking him why he's in the shower He's doing this or that that it doesn't feel convenient for him at the time for whatever reason and that could happen Or he might just really Not be a good communicator, in which case it's hard to have a relationship with somebody who you can't relate with, who you can't communicate with, and that might be a deal breaker for the relationship, because that's, it is a bit of a red flag.
If you can't communicate with somebody and really connect with them and talk to them, then it's hard to have a really meaningful, soulful relationship. Now, I know this episode is a bit different than most episodes in that, you know, there's just a lot of different scenarios and ways to look at the information, but of course that's because Every relationship is so different and all these patterns are so different.
And so there are a few takeaways that I'd really love for you to get from this. You know, first, if you notice yourself trying to change the other person in your relationship, then there are a few things that you'll want to do. First and foremost, you'll want to make sure to look within and of course, not blame yourself at all, but just.
ask yourself why you might have attracted this specific relationship in your life because everything happens for a reason. And so again, look at it, but with compassion, not at all with self blame and just go, okay, well, I wonder why this is here. And as you do, you'll want to, of course, identify those patterns and truly transform them.
And as you transform those internal patterns, your own internal compass will guide you in the direction of your person. Meaning that your relationship as you clear up these patterns might end up getting better than you ever could have imagined. And I see that all of the time. It's so beautiful. And, in some cases, people do end up dissolving their relationship and finding their person.
And I see that all of the time, too, in the most beautiful way. And so, if that is the situation for you, as you really clear up those patterns, you'll want to have that courage. to make the change because it does take courage, but it is so worth it. And not only that, but as you've genuinely cleared that pattern, then again, you'll have that spark towards a partner who is aligned with your new way of being and feeling with these new patterns.
And so that's ultimately what it is that you want. And by the way, if you are still in that. relationship that you're in and you're really trying to change someone and you notice that and you know, maybe because you can see that you're triggering each other. And so there's that pattern there and you think, okay, well, this is, this is both of us triggering each other.
Then you want to talk to them about it, of course, and see if they want to change. Because again, all of the time people are trying to change somebody that doesn't want to be changed, but I can't emphasize enough how much the power is. that as you really change, as you really dissolve, you know, negative patterns are really hurt, you know, and let go of that hurt and the upset.
It's truly liberating on so many levels, not just for the relationship, of course, but for your happiness or your health, or, you know, just your life experience is truly radically different. I mean, when you stop and think about it, the one thing that we all have relationships with, All kinds of people, you know, family and friends and romantic partnerships and all of that.
So just relationships can feel like one of the most complex areas. And also of course, one of the most beautiful areas of life, because when there's that feeling of love and connection, I mean, it just lights up your soul and of course, not just. in a romantic relationship, but that too, but also just friends and family.
And speaking of which, just this weekend, I got together with my family, you know, my father and my two brothers and two of my nephews. And I got to say, it just made my soul so happy to be able to connect with them. It just, I don't know, it just is, um, it just fills my heart. And, and I feel so blessed just to be able to.
Connect with everybody and there was no drama or negativity. Honestly, it was just, everybody was laughing and having a good time and connecting and it was just really, really sweet. And on that note, you know, it just makes you wonder what it would look like if we looked around the world and everybody was just getting along and it was harmonious and kind and happy and positive and laughter and community and connectedness.
I mean, it would just be. beautiful, you know, and no hurt, but instead just love and respect and collaboration. It would just be beautiful. And thank you so much for kind of joining me in that vision, sending out positive thoughts and a vision for that, for our world. It would just be really beautiful. And on that note, if you know somebody who could benefit by hearing this information and getting it in and really thinking about it and embodying.
any changes in their life, please do make sure to hit the share button, you know, share it with somebody you love or somebody, you know, who could really use this at that time. And by the way, speaking of which the person who wrote in this question did so because of an interview that she saw me on. And the reason that I chose to answer this one is just because I get this question a lot.
all of the time. And the reason I was doing that interview is because I do have a class coming up that I'm going to be teaching on this. And so if you are somebody who is in need of transforming this area of your life, come join me, or even come join me with your spouse and see if you can make this truly life changing for you both.
If you want to check out the class, you can do so by going to brandygilmore. com slash love. And I will also have my team put the link there in the show notes, so it is available. And if you are somebody who is wanting to transform this area of your life, then definitely come join me. It will be fun and very uplifting and of course, truly transformative because the goal is for you to really step into your power and enjoy.
this incredible life to its fullest. And so speaking of which, on that note, it has been such a pleasure connecting with you and I wish you a most wonderful rest of your day, living it to its fullest and enjoying, and I look forward to connecting with you on the next episode. We'll see you there.
Thank you for listening to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life. All of the time, people reach out and say how much these episodes have given them hope or touch their heart or help them stay positive in hard times, or even woken them up to a completely new level of awareness. Of how amazing we all really are.
If today's episode touched your heart or expanded your mind in any way, please do me a favor and be sure to share it with those you care about, or those, you know, who really need it as more and more people become empowered, it really will change our world for the better. That is the point. And the power of these demonstrations is to create a radical shift in our world consciousness by showing everyone.
What we are all capable of. And of course, each volunteer will really need to follow through to reinforce their programming, to maintain their results. But the point is for you to see that you really can create rapid results in your health and your life, if you really understand how to use your mind, you're incredible.
And I do want to be clear though, that most people will not get results this fast on their own. I make it look very easy because of the discoveries that I made. You'll want to remember that there's so much more going on in our minds at a deeper level than people realize. That said, if you want to send me any questions or comments, come visit me on my website at brandygillmore.com/podcast. And if you're currently experiencing physical pain and would like to be a volunteer on the show, you can sign up there as well. Lastly, Please remember, if you do have any health issues, you won't want to avoid your doctors. Instead, you'll want to continue seeing them and make it your goal to blow their minds with what you're capable of with your mind.
Thank you.