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Welcome to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life. My name is Brandy Gillmore and after recovering from my own life changing injury, it's become my mission to share with others the same discoveries I made that changed my health and my entire life.  Our minds are truly incredible. The placebo is proof of this. 

Each week, I will take this simple awareness to a whole new level. I will even coach live callers to free themselves of physical pain using only their mind. And then I'll provide you with a combination of practical and spiritual insights that you can use to master your mind, your emotions, and your energy to help you heal your health, yourself, and your life.

Let's begin. 

Hello and welcome. It is so wonderful to connect with you. I love that you are here continuing to expand your mind, your energy, your consciousness, your healing. I just love it. And You know that feeling where, I don't know, maybe you're listening to music and it feels like one song after another, after another, that's just a great song keeps coming on.

And you feel like, you know, the feeling I just, Oh, I love this song. Oh, I love this song. I feel like that is our volunteers that we get on this podcast. I feel like, you know, we have one volunteer and I say, Oh my gosh, I love this volunteer. And then we have another one and it's like, Oh, I love this one too.

And it's just this feeling that we really do get the best volunteers. Just so sweet and aware and. just good people. And so I absolutely love that. And that is so true with today's volunteer. Her name is Noelle, and she's just an absolute sweetheart. And she has great self awareness, great self honesty, great vulnerability, and just so good.

And there are so many helpful insights that come from today's episode. Now, one of the things that comes from today's episode, and there are many insights, but one. of the insights is just the awareness how different patterns can affect you in a different way. It's like there can be two different or multiple different patterns that make it feel like you're stuck.

Like if you go one direction, you're stuck that direction. But if you go another direction, you're stuck that direction. And this is one of the reasons that healing can feel so complex. And the reason that. We can see, as you'll see from this episode,  it, that's, this is one of the reasons that people stay stuck in illness for their entire life, because it's like, there's a catch 22, if you will, and it'll be easier to explain and you'll see it unfold as we dive in.

But that's my point is that when we feel stuck, there can be. A reason for it. And by the way, the same was so true in my own healing process. It was really understanding that I had patterns that were  basically triggering each other. And not only that, but then I had this feeling of, you know, survivor's guilt from 9 11.

 

So then if I'm surviving, then I feel guilty for it, which would have meant, gosh, if I'm living a full, wonderful, fantastic life, then that I would have felt more guilty and already felt undeserving, you know, that feeling of for survivor's guilt. And so my point is just the counterintuitive nature of emotions and how these patterns can keep us  stuck at an unconscious level.

And of course, as we really identify the specifics. How pivotal it can be. And you know, that's what I see all of the time is I'll see people who have these patterns that are very counterintuitive. You know, in my own life here, I was trying to heal and feel better. And even if you think about survivor's guilt, it doesn't make sense to feel guilty for surviving.

And that's the tricky part is even as we dive into today's episode, you'll notice there are some pieces that come up for our beautiful volunteer that she notices. don't make logical sense. And yet  there they are. And you know, some of them, she says, well, I used to feel that way and I know, and it's been stuck.

And so they're just subconscious patterns. And that's the point is just when it comes to healing, there's so much depth to it and, and self awareness, but. As we create these changes, it's life changing, you know, it's pivotal. And that's the very thing that I see all the time is I'll see people who go through my classes or workshops or video course and, and create that shift to where they're really feeling that life is changing.

Changing awareness and changing their patterns. And that's also one of the things that I really love about today's episode is you can see the message, the quote unquote message that her body's trying to give her, or this message from the health issue. You know, that there's a gift that as she changes these specific patterns. 

It's beautiful. It is life changing. And that's what's also really exciting. And I just love that. And of course, all of this will make more sense as it unfolds. And so that said, let's go ahead and dive in. And you're absolutely going to love our volunteer, her heart, her being, she's just, she's so beautiful.

She's just beautiful. And so that said, let's dive in with Noelle. Here we go. 

 

Hello, Noelle. Yes. Yes. Hello. It's wonderful to connect with you. Beautiful. Likewise. Thank you. And, uh, what can I do for you today?  Well, I've had for about seven years, I'm guessing, I kind of look back, I've had a focal dystonia of my left foot. Um, I've had it for about seven years  and it's, um, it's a feeling of like if my little baby toe goes in and then it pulls this little toe in and it just sort of looks like it's cramping.

 

Um, yeah. And then it lets go. And it just has been, it does it constantly. It's been doing it for about seven years. And the only time that I don't feel it is when my feet are on the ground. So when I'm walking all day long, I'm fine. And then when I get in bed or if I sit down, it just starts to do this thing.

 

And it's starting to get, it's, it's not, it's not terribly painful. It's just,  it's very difficult to fall asleep sometimes.  Um,  and I've been reading your book and doing a little bit of  The asking, you know, of what, what it might be. And I, I have some thoughts about why it's been happening  and I'm concerned that it might become painful soon.

 

It, it, it does, uh, exhaust my muscles sometimes. And so that leg kind of hurts a little bit more. Um, but it's all in, and I've seen everything you can see from a.  neurologist to a naturopathic healer. I've done every  type of doctor and they all just go, you have a magic foot and that's it.  Okay. All right.

 

And, uh, okay, so  let's go there.  Bingo. All right. So if I ask you right now, zero to 10, how much it feels like it's cramping, what would you say?  Put it out and we have to let it do its thing  and it's doing it at the same level It's always been doing it. So I guess I guess a 10, but that wouldn't be a pain.

 

It would just be it's cramped It's yeah, it's activating at a 10. Yeah. Okay. Okay, so I'm ask you to breathe and give me one second and I'm looking for a word to call it. So give me one second  Bingo. Okay.  So, uh,  okay. So let's just start unpacking it. So if I ask you zero to ten, how much you can find a feeling of kind of wanting to, um, hide from others?

 

Zero to ten. What level would you say?  Ten, twenty, thirty. Okay.  So, uh, yeah. So, so I'm going to ask you just for a moment to breathe and  Um, bingo. We could call it like this. We could say another one. Another way we could put it is if I ask you how much there's part of you that's kind of wanting to crawl under a rock and hide.

 

Um, bingo. Uh, so, so I want, so first and foremost, if I ask you why you're wanting to hide, why would you say that is?  Um, fear of being hurt.  Mmhmm. Okay. Did we freeze again? Did we freeze enough? We did not freeze again. We're on! We're alive. Um, so, uh,  Bingo. Okay. So, fear of a big hurt.  Okay, so. And what hurt is that? 

 

Being disliked, um,  and withdrawal of love.  Okay, and so  Bingo. Now, I want you to notice also how every little thing that happens makes you want to withdraw. Like any little thing and you go, okay, well, I need to, can you see that? Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Okay. Now, out of curiosity, so you've probably, if you're reading the book, so you know our thoughts help create our lives, patterns breed more of the same, right?

 

Whoops.  So, I'm going to ask you to breathe.  So, you've been reading my book, right? And so, our thoughts help create our lives, patterns breathe more of the same, right? Absolutely. Absolutely. So, I'm going to ask you to breathe.  So, what would happen if your patterns with love were connection, and sweetness, and kindness, and feeling really loved and really safe?

 

What would that look like?  Yeah, it would be, it would be good. Yes. Yeah, it would be good.  Great.  So,  so why are you always expecting you're going to get hurt?  And why would you want to expect you're going to get hurt?  I have a belief in my inadequacy since  very, very young, probably since maybe five or four. 

 

Okay. I feel that I'm not,  um, you know, the classic not good enough.  And so I put on a facade, and I do really well with that facade. Yeah, you, yeah, because I thought you were good enough. Whoa, you're good.  And you know I'm playing, right? I know you're, like, obviously.  You're great.  Okay. So, but the other thing is, is this is bingo.

 

So give me one second. So  out of curiosity, is the facade,  are you actually tricking others to thinking that you're good enough,  so to speak, or Are you actually lying to yourself that you're not good enough?  Hmm.  Because I would say that the latter is true. Yeah. No, I, yeah. I'm starting to see that now. It's starting to come to I like that.

 

I like that you're starting to see that. So, I'm going to ask you to breathe.  So, I would also say  Bingo.  I would say even from a very young age, um, there's a feeling of feeling like it's not safe to be around. Like people are not safe. Can you see that? For sure. For sure. So now if I told you I have a belief that people are not safe. 

 

Or if I have a belief that says dogs are not safe, how many dogs do I want around me? None. None. None. Because I have a belief that they're not safe.  So if I have a belief, even since the age of  five, that says that  people are not safe, since the age of five, how do you think I do with attracting with people, with connecting with people?

 

And not only that, but do I really want to establish a relationship with people if I feel like people are not safe?  Right. No.  Okay. So I'm going to ask you just for a moment to breathe, 

 

and I'm going to ask you to notice the feeling,  noticing the feeling  and the belief that people are not safe. So  bingo. So what I would say is part of what is happening is this. So you can see the belief, you can look back in your emotional patterns, you see how much you have felt the belief that people are not safe, right?

 

Absolutely. So now if I feel like people are not safe, people are not safe, and then my conscious mind says, Oh, well, I want to connect with people. So I expect to get hurt because somehow I'm going to push them away. Does that make sense?  For sure. Yes. Okay. So kind of like this, let's say somebody, for example, has a belief and they say, well, you know.

 

Well,  I don't like business. And so they continue to sabotage, sabotage, sabotage business. And then they become afraid a bit. They become like, Oh, well, I'm not good enough because they also don't like it. Or they don't like money and they feel like, I don't like money. I don't like money. And then what happens is then they never have enough of it.

 

So then they become more fearful of it because they didn't like it in the first. So it becomes a spiral. Does that make sense? Yes. Yes. Okay. So I'm going to ask you to breathe. All 

 

right, so let's go ahead and pause it just for a quick moment, you know, first and foremost, I love her heart. I love her self awareness. Just beautiful, just a beautiful, beautiful being. And the note that I wanted to make was this, is I mentioned and I gave example about money and And that is just something that I see all of the time where people may feel like they're mad at money or they hate money or they wish the world didn't have any money and money wasn't a thing.

 

And so they have all of these desires, which means there's part of them that doesn't want to have any money because it hates money. And then maybe another part that says, well, I know I need it. But what happens is the part of them that doesn't want to have to have money and thinks money is a bad thing in the world, then feels.

 

A feeling of not wanting to have money at a subconscious level, which then can create even more fear because we need to have money to survive and live and have food and shelter and all of these things. And so I've seen people In that exact situation, over and over, that because they're mad at money, or they're jealous of money, or they're hating money, or they're feeling like others shouldn't have money, or judging people with money, that these patterns are creating all of these mixed feelings regarding money, or in some cases, people are even just not in integrity with money, so they're cutting corners in a relationship with money.

 

way that's not an integrity or being unfair or taking money from others or whatever it is.  And then they end up in that situation also. And so my point is while I used this example with her, I just wanted to highlight for you that this really is something that I do see that can be quite common. And so just food for thought as we dive back in with our beautiful volunteer, Noel.

 

Here we go. 

 

Now. I want you to think about how many people are across even the world, but even across the U. S.  who are in  relationships, who are married, who are in relationships,  children, parents, families, all of that, right? Yes.  Are you sure people aren't safe? Because there's a lot of really beautiful families and connections and love and marriages and communities and people.

 

There's a lot of goodness.  There's a lot.  What makes you think people are not safe?  I mean, I got to tell you, I feel blessed. I have a lot of wonderful people around me.  So are you sure people aren't safe and are you sure you want that belief?  I mean, you could go ahead and keep that belief and recreate it and recreate it. 

 

So kind of like this, if a person has a strong feeling that says they're going to fail or a strong feeling of rejection and rejection and rejection and rejection, what type of relationships do you think they're going to be attracting?  Uh, unhealthy, mean  relationships. Great. So I'm going to ask you to breathe. 

 

And what do you want to believe about people?  What do you want to believe about relationships? What do you want to attract about relationships?  Well, I want to, I want to believe that people are,  are  kind and forgiving and  caring. So notice for a moment, bingo.  Notice also the feeling of what you said, kind and forgiving.

 

Okay, so if I ask you zero to ten, how much you're judging yourself for mistakes and punishing yourself? What would you say?  Pretty high. Pretty high. Yep. So I'm going to ask you just for a moment to breathe.  And notice the judging about it and all of that. So notice, by the way, even as you think about the book steps and you think about all of the pieces, you start to see, Oh, I can see the NPP, like, so, so I'm going to ask you to breathe. 

 

And you start to see all of the ingredients, if you will,  everything like it's textbook. So you see what's in, what's in the book, right? So I'm going to ask you to breathe.  And I'm going to ask you just for a moment. If you're willing to change,  if you're genuinely willing to change, to see relationships in a different way and also to stop beating yourself up and judging yourself. 

 

Yeah, I have to.  Okay, so this is what I want you to realize.  Nobody else in the world has ever made a mistake but you. 

 

Right? Right. Right. You think that's true?  I've never made a mistake.  Never.  We all have, right? Yeah. When are you going to stop beating yourself up?  Yeah.  Yeah. Perfectionism is  Great. So I'm going to ask you to breathe.  Okay.  So notice I interrupted because you went to perfectionism instead of my question, which was when are you going to stop beating yourself up? 

 

I would like to say today. Great. Well, you're the decider. You decide.  So I'm going to ask you to breathe and I want you to think about making a radical change in your life and your relationships. So notice also what we talk about in the book,  everything that your body's doing is the most important message that you need to know.

 

So this is an important message for your life, right? Yes. Okay. So how important do you think this message is for your life?  It's pretty important. It's pretty important. Not beating, yep, not beating yourself up, not running from people,  right? But actually shifting your feelings towards relationships. How important do you think that is for your future? 

 

It's incredibly important, yeah. Okay, so you decide. When do you want to create this change in your life?  How important is this message that your body is trying to give you to change?  It's It's It's a 10. It's a 10. Right? It's a 10. It's a 10. Your love, your happiness, your health, your connection in life moving forward.

 

Not running,  but actually enjoying life, enjoying relationships, not, you don't need to hide and run and blah, blah, blah. Like actually enjoying, laughing, loving, connecting, playing, being alive. Right? Right. Right. Absolutely. Yeah.  The timing is perfect, too. Somebody just set me up on a blind date last night. 

 

Beautiful.  Thank you.  Clear out of the blue, out of the blue, and I had to really challenge that part of me to know that I was okay and good enough.  Okay. So I'm going to ask you to breathe,  and if I ask you to notice the part of you that's wanting to run away, zero to ten, what's your level?  Um, in this moment? 

 

Maybe, maybe a seven. Okay. Now, now I'm going to switch things around. You ready?  If I asked you to notice the part of you that has also felt like you get some attention for running away, what would you say?  Yeah, I hadn't thought about it, but for sure. Yes.  Is that a one to 10 question?  I love your love, your self awareness.

 

I love that you see it, right? So, but, but so yes, and. Okay? And if I ask you, zero to ten, how much do you feel like you get attention from running away?  I used to. It used to be a thing. Um, now,  I don't think so much as much anymore. I think it was a thing probably  15 years ago. I recall myself If I ask you, zero to ten, how much you can see it in your past? 

 

in my past, um,  maybe, maybe about an eight.  Okay. So I'm going to ask you just for a moment to breathe.  And if I told you that I get attention from running away,  how does that go?  It doesn't go well. Bad pun, right? I've come to realize that people just don't care. Bingo.  Okay. It doesn't, it doesn't help. People don't have time to then chase and this and that.

 

Absolutely. Right. Yeah. Okay. So I'm going to ask you to breathe.  And so I'm going to ask you just for a moment  to notice the part of you that wanted to run away and felt like it made you special, felt like you got special love and connection and all of that for it. Can you see that? You can see it, right?

 

Yeah. Yes.  So I'm going to push a little bit  and I'm going to say, go ahead and run away if you want  or even show up and be amazing even at this date and life and show up and be fun and engaging and like, it's like the relationships that feel like they take a lot of time. Effort. And you gotta chase after the person. 

 

Life is already, there's, there's so many, this life is wonderful with so many things that people who show up and make it fun and, and engaging and enjoy, that's, that's where you want to show up in life. That's who you want to be, right? Does that make sense? Yeah. And that, that's kind of how I went into last night with that date.

 

I was like, here, I'm just getting to know a person and I brought my personality with me and you know, it was, it was good. Yeah. Fantastic. Fantastic. So I'm going to ask you to breathe and I want you to notice your level in your foot. Zero to 10. What's your level?  Put it out there. 

 

It's trying, but it's not doing it as much. What? So,  it's trying to do the thing. But it's not doing it yet, right? It took a little bit longer this time. So, what it looks like is like, my foot will do this, and then it'll snap back, and it'll do this. But this time it went a lot, it took a lot longer to go there.

 

Okay. So I'm going to ask you to breathe. Okay.  And I'm going to ask you to notice the feeling of showing up for even the date and showing up and being your amazing self and showing up and, and being present and not wanting to run, showing up and being, and being the best of you and showing up and being loving and feeling good and feeling like a great person and showing up and, and how fun that is and how fun and wonderful and lively and enjoyable and how Wonderful, that is,  right?

 

That you get to be that.  Great. So, I'm going to ask you to breathe.  And if I ask you, does it take a little courage to change?  For sure. Yes. And is it worth it?  Absolutely. Yes. Great. Bingo. And so, I'm going to ask you to breathe. And if I ask you, and I'm going to push a little bit. And I'm going to say, go ahead and run if you want to.

 

I mean, I wouldn't recommend it.  And what would you say? Go ahead and run if you want. What's your answer? Okay. That's a dumb plan. That's not. Okay, so let's say it less judgy and let's just say, no, no, no. Thanks. No, thanks. Right. No, thanks.  Heck no.  Okay. So I'm going to ask you to breathe.  And I'm going to say that again, go ahead and run if you want to. 

 

No, thank you. No, thank you. No, no, no. You see that that's, that's a bad plan.  And instead you want to show up, show up to life, right? Show up and be seen and connect and have an amazing relationship and amazing connection and feel like people are safe and great and create moving forward a most beautiful relationship, right?

 

Yes. Great. So I'm going to ask you to breathe.  And so, if I ask you, you want to run or you want to show up? Definitely show up. Definitely show up.  Definitely show up. Great. So, I'm going to ask you to breathe 

 

and I'm going to ask you to check your foot. 

 

It's going.  It's going. It's doing. It's doing. Okay. So, I'm going to ask you to breathe.  Bingo. And if I ask you So, you went on your date last night, correct? Yes. Yes. Okay. And if I ask you zero to ten, how much you expect to get hurt by him, what would you say? 

 

Um,  it's changing because in the beginning I wanted to run away from the table, but then after the meeting went on, um, it was nice and Okay. But wait a sec. Wait a sec. What was my question? How much do you expect to get hurt by him?  Um, like,  five. Okay. So,  okay. Now, out of curiosity,  why do you expect, so if I ask you zero to 10, how much you expect that he won't be into you?

 

What would you say?  How much you expect? Oh, I think it's a high number. Yeah. It's probably an eight. You're probably right. I think it's Okay. So  why do you expect that he won't be into you?  Cause I'm not good enough. I'm not conversational enough. I'm not interesting enough. I don't know anything about sports. 

 

That's what I hear, word on the street, is if you don't know about sports, guys aren't going to date you. That's  what I hear.  Is that his minimum requirement? He said you have to know football or this is just not going to go anywhere?  No.  He seemed interested.  Oh,  he seemed, but the sports, then he was like, you don't know about sports.

 

So this is, this is just not going to work, right? I'm just assuming. I'm just assuming. Oh, you're assuming. It's a poor assumption.  So you didn't ask him if sports was like a mandatory requirement, which is an odd requirement. And I've actually never heard that from a man before.  I mean, and I'm sure there are some who definitely like connecting over sports is definitely a thing.

 

Um, absolutely.  And I know plenty of women who do, so it's not a gender thing. I'm just saying,  uh, I just didn't know it was a make or break thing. 

 

All right. So let's go ahead and pause it just for a quick moment. You know, first and foremost, I just love her self awareness, her self honesty, her sense of humor, her playfulness, just beautiful playfulness and self awareness. I love it. And also, when you stop and think about it, when she said, I know it doesn't make logical sense, And that's the point from this pattern is that you can see when you really stop and think about it, it doesn't make logical sense.

 

And part of her really knows that. And so in the very beginning, I mentioned that a lot of times these patterns can feel counterintuitive. And that's the point that you'll want to note is that even when a pattern does feel counterintuitive, you'll still want to really Transform it and make sure to shift it, of course, at a deeper level.

 

And what you'll notice as we continue through the session is that there are some other patterns that are actually in conflict with this very pattern that  keep her stuck, and so that's where we're going as we step back in with our beautiful volunteer, Noelle. Here we go. 

 

So, how much did you guys talk about sports last night?  Minimal, minimal. Just what he likes to do.  Okay. Which is what?  Watch sports? Basketball and golf. Yeah.  Okay. And so I said, well, that's great, you know, and I, I engaged, I asked questions, I did all the things  that I think are right. Okay.  Okay.  And so,  if I ask you then why you expect that he won't like you, what would you say? 

 

I'm not I'm not good enough. I'm boring.  I'm not I don't have enough hobbies.  Okay.  I'd rather stay home. Oh, I have a question. Yeah. So, I have a question.  Does he like to cook?  Um, he he didn't mention it.  Okay. Do you like to cook? I like to cook.  Okay. He probably doesn't like to eat though.  Okay. So have you ever done that before where you've cooked with a partner in, in together in the kitchen and whatnot?

 

And did you like that before?  Yeah, it's actually a fantasy of mine. I would love to cook in the kitchen with somebody. I always thought that would just be a great relationship. How, you know, having music on or whatnot and just cooking and enjoying and like that it's so sweet. Like, I love that, right? Or even, um, and by the way, he, he doesn't watch TV at all, right? 

 

No, I, I'm sure he doesn't.  So you guys could like watch movies or he's not athletic at all though, right? Does he play golf? Yeah, he golfs and plays basketball. So you guys couldn't go for a walk and connect and go out in nature or go hike? There's nothing you guys could do?  No. Yes. There are things we could do.

 

Yes. Okay. So now as I'm naming these things that you, you do these things too, right?  Sounds like you guys have nothing in common.  Well, what, what really struck me was that, um, I'm a liberal and he's conservative and he, and he told me that not, he says, I'm not a crazy conservative. And I went, Oh gosh, he's going to hate me.

 

You know, immediately I thought, well, I, this can't, this can't work. Um,  but, um, but he seemed to still, you know, like me. So I just, I guess I put on the,  The requirement.  But this is the thing, right?  The other thing is this. Is that maybe if you feel like, hey, these political differences aren't going to work,  or maybe it will, or maybe you go on five other dates and you go, okay, this is the person who I feel like is most right for me.

 

Because this is the thing, is if you're, if you feel like, like a person who says all men are abusive alcoholics. What do they continue to find?  Right. Mm hmm. Yep. So, if you continue to detract from a certain place, you're going to find that, right? Yep.  Hasn't worked out so well in the past.  Yeah. Now, clearly all men are not abusive alcoholics, but some people think, feel, experience, believe that particular thing, right? 

 

So I'm going to ask you to breathe,  and do you want to run from life or show up to life? I want to show up to life. Great. So, I'm going to ask you to breathe.  Great. And I want you to notice in your foot,  your level, zero to ten. What's your level?  My level is about,  it's about half. It's about a five now.

 

About a five. That's what I would have said, about a five, about a four point,  about a, bingo, about a 4. 8. So, right, spot on five. Exactly right where you are. Okay. So, I'm going to ask you to breathe.  Now, what I want you to notice is notice how it was improving, and then it triggered up more where it was going again very quickly, and then it came back now.

 

And what happened is the more we started talking about the date, and then you thought to yourself, if you want, like if, and if I go into that, by the way, if I explain, it's going to come back. 

 

All right. So let's go ahead and pause it just for a very quick moment. Now, notice I just mentioned to her and I said, if you go back into the negative pattern, likely the issue will come back. And so just so you know, I'm actually going to do that very thing because there are some profound insights from it.

 

And I'll explain as we go. But just so you know, that's actually where we're going as we continue on with the session with Noelle. Here we go. 

 

Okay. And that's the point. Like if, like, if I started saying like, okay, let's do this. So notice for a moment, you can see the part of you that wanted to run last night, as soon as you saw him.  Right. And if I ask you how much that was, what would you say?  Um, an eight. Okay. And what did that feel like when you were thinking about when you were going to go see him and you wanted to just run?

 

Why?  Um,  yeah, it was just a fear feeling.  This guy is too good for me. Okay, so I want you to notice your toes and what's your level on your feet right now. 

 

It's more, it's doing it more rapidly. Yeah. Exactly. So we just triggered you. Okay. So, and the reason I did that is because I want you to see, so you know what the trigger is because it would really have to change. So that's why  I wanted to show you so we can see. It's basically one way to put it, like your feet wanting to run away.

 

Okay. Okay, so part of you is wanting to, to run away and curl up and hide. And so when you said, oh, you're trying to interpret the book, why would you? Okay, so that's, your toes are wanting to run away and hide, basically.  Okay? So, uh, so I'm gonna ask you to breathe, 

 

and I'm gonna say, I mean, go ahead and spend your life like that if you would want.  Okay. Or I want you to think about the relationship that you would like. Cooking in the kitchen together, enjoying. And so I want to invite you to do this. Notice where you said there's a random connection. You got connected  and it's been, and it was random, right?

 

And, and, and all of a sudden here you are on this blind date, right?  Now, what I would do is this. Is I would make a list of what you do want your relationship to look like. And I would get instead of, in other words, we could rush through this and I can take people and show them how to get out of pain. And I've done that on podcast after podcast, after podcast, and make, and you can see the changes in yours where it goes and it comes back. 

 

But instead of just saying, look, I want to heal this in five minutes, which is great though. Don't get me wrong.  I want you to think about what the relationship is that you want to have  and get depth to that and embody this change. And this is why.  If I said dogs are scary, what kind of dog am I picturing? 

 

Doberman. Okay, maybe a Doberman, though there's nice Dobermans too, but, but, but exactly. I'm picturing a scary dog. Now, if I said dogs are really sweet and lovey and cuddly, what kind of dog am I picturing?  Uh, Corgi.  Okay. There we go. Okay. So, a sweet little dog. So, the thing of it is, is if you say relationships are scary and you need to run from them, what the heck are you picturing? 

 

Yes. So, so, so I'm going to ask you to breathe.  Okay. And, uh, 

 

bingo. Now, there's another piece that you need to know and it's this. 

 

Bingo. Okay. So, here we go. So, respond to this.  If I say, Oh my gosh, I look terrible in this shirt. You would say what?  I would say, No, it looks great on you.  No, it looks great on you. Right? So if I say, Oh, but I'm just not good enough for him or her or whomever, then you're supposed to say what?  Oh, you're no, you're great.

 

You're, you got it.  Exactly. So your not good enough pattern is actually  a compliment pattern that's connected to it. Can you see that?  Yes. Yes. Although I've gotten to the point where I stopped talking about it because I do feel kind of embarrassed that people have to say those things. So I've gotten to the point now where I'm kind of just keeping it within, um,  so  it's a draft.

 

I hear you. Okay. And so taking it to the next level is going to be key, right? So in other words It's kind of like this is if I've every time I criti Oh, I look horrible in these pants. Oh, I look if every time I criticize myself and then you compliment me, how many more times does my brain want to criticize myself? 

 

Oh, yeah. It's a, it's a reward. I get a reward. Yay. You're going to compliment me. All I have to do is beat myself up. Now, are there better ways to get compliments? Yes.  Okay. But if I have linked up in my mind that all I have to do is criticize myself and you're going to compliment me,  then yay. So, now all I have to do is say, well, I'm not good enough for so and so, I'm not good enough for so and so.

 

And then somebody floods me with compliments. Yeah, you are, you're this, and you're this, and you're this. You can see that in your past, right?  Maybe. Um, I think for me, it was talking to people more for reassurance, not so much for the compliment. I would agree. Please just reassure me. Tell me. Yeah. And I guess that's a compliment.

 

It was more for survival. Exactly. Exactly. Which goes back to the MBSS needs.  Safety. Yes. Safety. Reassurance. Uh, but it also feels like, um, it feels like maybe your mom, uh, would compliment you and tell you why you were good enough. So there's a female. Um,  there's a deeper feeling there and it's this,  uh, can you give me your mom's first initial please?

 

1. Hmm.  You have a sister? Yes.  Okay. And can you give me her initial please? Okay. T. Bingo.  She's my rock. She's my mom.  Exactly. Okay. So that's who comes up and there's a feeling of feeling like if you're small and not good enough, then that's like the love dynamic. Can you see that?  Absolutely. I cannot grow.

 

She wants me to be needy and She's in our relationship is better when I'm not in a relationship. Okay. So exactly. Now, if I told you that if I grow my mom or my rock or my sister is not going to love me anymore, if I grow, then I have to be not good enough. Can you see that? Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Okay? So that's also where those links come in of the MBSS needs of why the very pattern that you want to get rid of.

 

So in other words, it's like this pattern is plaguing you of, I'm not good enough, but you're feeling like you have to hold onto it because it's how you get love and connection, et cetera. You can see that, right? Absolutely. Yes. Okay.  So if we go back to the example that I use all the time, you know, unfortunately, a cutter may cut themselves and feel a sense of relief or euphoria or safety or control from cutting themselves.

 

Obviously, there's a cut, so it's not, there's a negative side effect to it.  linked up to a positive thing. And so the problem is,  um, is that  there's this feeling of feeling like, well, if I stay single and if I'm also not good enough, I will get love and connection from my sister. And that's why initially I was like, oh, it's your mom or it's some woman, but that's, it's the sister.

 

Um, and you see it. And so what I would say is, okay, so a few things, okay? So let's move this forward.  And this is what's great. You can see what's triggering your foot.  And I love your awareness. And what I'd want you to do is change the dynamic with your sister. So you can feel good enough. Okay. Then also there's a feeling.

 

So notice for a moment, there's a feeling of feeling like she's your rock. She's your safety because people are scary. So the, it's a catch 22 because watch this.  is if I feel scared, if I feel like people are scary, how much do I need a rock? How much do I need a savior? Oh yeah, for sure. So now if I feel people are scary, now I need a savior.

 

So now my sister is my savior, but by the way, I have to stay small to then  connect with her. So you see how, so now if I just say, well, I can't, don't want to connect with her anymore, Like the same way, and I can be strong. The problem is I still feel fear of people  because now I have, and I feel like people aren't safe.

 

So in other words, you have to change them both  to be able to get out of it. Does that make sense? Yes, absolutely. I feel like I'm right there, right there ready. I love it. I love it. So moving forward, your vision is a new expectation with relationship and even with your sister of expecting, okay, this is going to be great and wonderful and love and connection with your sister.

 

And then also that feeling of then, um, expecting men and expecting a relationship that's going to be beautiful. And then getting a vision of what that looks like altogether. Does that make sense? Beautiful. Absolutely. It does. In fact, in my power vision, I had some of those same words, you know, about, about men.

 

And,  and once I started doing the power vision a couple of days, I would see them in the grocery store and they would be kind to me and smile at me like I'd never seen before, you know, it was, it was, the power vision is amazing. Your work is amazing.  Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. And so, uh, and so I'm going to ask you just for a moment to close your eyes. 

 

And I'm going to ask you to think about the awareness also, just how, as you start bringing the power of vision, as you start bringing your vision in, you start seeing it. So you can create this change. You're incredible. You can create this change.  You're incredible. And I'm going to ask you to breathe,  bingo, and no need to run, but instead to show up for life.

 

Bingo. Great. And so I want you to notice the level in your toes. Zero to 10. What's your level?  It's, it's there. I mean, it's trying. I can feel the muscles pulling, but it takes, it's taking longer to get there. So it's on delay. It's on delay. And if I ask you zero to 10, what's the level? Oh, the level is,  oh gosh,  maybe about a six. 

 

And so, uh.  Bingo.  Okay, so there's one other piece to note  that, uh, from this. Can you see the part of you that it scares you that he's, uh, conservative? Can you see that?  Yes, for sure. Zero to ten, how much?  Um,  it's not terribly much. It's probably about a six.  Okay, well that's all. So if I had a dog and I'm only afraid of the dog at a level 6, it's not bad, right? 

 

Uh, it's still bad.  Bingo.  Bingo. Okay, so I'm going to ask you to breathe,  and I'm going to ask you to just for a moment to not go into the Pick me, pick me mode, where he might pick you, but instead you pick what you want. So maybe he is great for you. So I would encourage you, if you haven't dated in a while, to date and, and say, is like, or even just write down and say, this is what I really want.

 

Is this the relationship that I want? So you're not waiting for him to pick you, but you guys pick each other.  Does that make sense? Mm hmm. Exactly. Great. So I'm going to ask you to breathe.  Bingo. Uh, level in your toes. Zero to ten. I have  to look. Uh, three.  Great job. Amazing, amazing. Getting it from a ten to a three.

 

Fantastic job. And I love that you can see it. And what I would say is, stay tuned.  Dive deeper into this and, and make the real change. Like we could get it down to a, a zero likely if we just keep pushing. But the thing of it is, is there's real transformation that needs to take place behind this, which is changing even your dynamic with your sister and feeling good about it.

 

So there's, there's some real transformation that's needed. Can you see that? Absolutely. Yes. Yeah. Bingo. Bingo. 

 

It's a shame you don't have a sense of humor. 

 

So, so much. Well said, beautiful. You are absolutely so, so, so welcome. It has been such a pleasure connecting with you. Fantastic job with your energy and let's see you follow through to create this change.  Okay, very good. Thank you so much. Bye bye. 

 

All right, so let's go ahead and bring everything together. And first and foremost, don't you just love her self awareness, her self honesty, her heart, her vulnerability, her just, her insights. Just really, really good. Beautiful. So I love that. And let's go ahead and unpack this because as I mentioned in the very beginning, you can see that different patterns are impacting  other patterns.

 

And so it's keeping her stuck. And also what's beautiful is you can see how important this message is for her life. That in her life, as she noticed, as we were unpacking everything, she could see That, as she said, you know, she's felt this pattern that she has to stay small to get her sister's love and connection.

 

And that is their dynamic. And not only that, but then if she's in a relationship that she feels like then she's going to lose her connection with her sister. But then on the other side, there's a part of her who wants a relationship. And so when you think about it for a moment, here's this catch 22. It's like, well, wait, let me go one direction.

 

Wait, let me go another direction. And that's the very reason that I actually wanted to re trigger her back into the problem is because of this, is because. The average person who doesn't know these patterns are here, likely would have good and bad days or up and down and, and go back and forth because it depends on if she wanted to have a relationship, then she has that fear there, but then there's the sister and then there's that connection there.

 

And further,  what is concerning. Is that, as she mentioned, she's afraid of it getting worse and having more pain and well that, so she mentioned that in the very beginning, and that is so true and so common that it could get worse if she doesn't change it because as she gets older and older, she may feel a, a growing feeling. 

 

That she needs to get into a relationship, you know, that's true for a lot of people. They may feel like, you know, okay, well, I'm starting to get up there. I better really get myself out there and date. Or, of course, it can go the opposite way where people then feel like, oh, I'm too old. I just can't date.

 

That's another pattern that comes up. But, point being, is that  you can see the patterns and how they can trigger one another. And if she's feeling like she wants to date even more, but then there's a fear of being in a relationship, that can trigger more problems. Or if she's feeling like she wants to date more and she can get into a relationship, then there could be the feeling of being more triggered.

 

With her sister, a feeling like fear of losing her sister. So it's just, it's all very mixed. And so part of the reason I triggered her is so that she could see it for herself, that she's got power over this situation. And because ultimately I didn't want her to feel like this. I didn't want to help her on the podcast here today with this session.

 

I didn't want to help her with this and then have her completely solve the issue.  during the session,  but go back into her real life and have the issue come back and then her say something like, oh bummer, it didn't work. Because that's likely what would happen is that she would get re triggered in some way and say, darn it, it didn't work.

 

And so I wanted her to be able to see that it can work. And yet. It takes a real change. And that's the other reason that I took her back into the trigger is because I wanted her to see that it does take a real change. And you hear me say that over and over on every single episode that, you know, even when I'm working with people, if they go back into the negative, the problem can come back.

 

Absolutely. It can, just like, you know, somebody who's experiencing anxiety. They have panic attacks. They might not have panic attacks all day, every day. but they might get triggered once a day or five times a day or whatever that is for them. And when they get triggered, that panic attack can come back.

 

And so the same is true with these subconscious emotions as somebody can have more pain one day or less the next day and, and go in and out of these patterns. And so what is key  is that these patterns really need to change. Now if you even think about these patterns for a moment and what real change looks like, it means that she would really need to change the dynamic with her sister, which is so good for her.

 

That is personal growth. That is a real transformation for her to change that dynamic. And also, she would need to transform her vision of men and relationships and how she really feels. So she does feel like relationships are safe and loving and wonderful.  And if we look at this outcome, you know, if we look at this transformation in her life, could you imagine what it would look like in her life if she embraces these changes fully  and says that she's going to be her best self, that she doesn't have to be small in her life to get her sister's love, that she has this empowered, loving, sweet, amazing relationship with her sister in a beautiful way.

 

And she also has a beautiful relationship and it feels safe and loving and wonderful. Could you imagine what that looks like for her life? You know, when you stop and think about it, that is real transformation. And so just wanting to emphasize that all of the time, when you hear me say things like, it takes real change, It does.

 

And that's why, you know, a lot of times the very process that I teach is getting a new mindset, then identifying the specific things, transforming the specific things, and then stepping in to the real change, which involves following through with real, real change. action steps to embrace that transformation.

 

And so it becomes pivotal. And that's ultimately what I wanted to emphasize to you on today's episode is just, again, the insights from this on how clearly you can see what is needed to create that change are just, are so powerful. And also because in her case, she's not in a situation where she is. Um, you know, a terminal situation or whatnot, it allowed me to have that flexibility to be able to retrigger her without there being some type of major concern.

 

You know, it's something that she can see and then work on  to get this transformation. And so that's what I love also is just, and her self awareness and her self honesty, and even her sense of humor at the very end where she's bingo and just, just a beautiful, beautiful being. And so I want this for her so much, you know, to experience this transformation, to have these beautiful relationships with, in all areas of her life.

 

And so it just absolutely beautiful.  That's the insight that I want to invite you to take for your own life, is exactly this, is looking at your life and inviting transformation, being willing to genuinely transform at a deeper level and also at a real level, so it creates real transformation, not just transformation in your head.

 

I mean, that's great. Don't get me wrong, but that it becomes truly transformative. But if that is you. The gift in healing. So I love that. And as we wrap up today, I want to ask you to please do take just a quick moment to hit the share button on this episode. You know, share it with somebody you love, somebody you care about, or somebody you don't even know, because the more that every single person in our world is empowered and loved and loving and happy and healthy, The better this world is for all of us.

 

And so if you enjoyed this episode, please do make a point to hit the share button and please do make a point to have a most wonderful, loving, happy, healthy, fantastic rest of your day. And I look forward to connecting with you on the next episode. We'll see you there. 

 

Thank you for listening to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life. All of the time people reach out and say how much these episodes have given them hope or touch their heart or help them stay positive in hard times or even woken them up to a completely new level of awareness. Of how amazing we all really are.

 

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And I do want to be clear though, that most people will not get results this fast on their own. I make it look very easy because of the discoveries that I made. You'll want to remember that there's so much more going on in our minds at a deeper level than people realize. That said, if you want to send me any questions or comments, come visit me on my website at brandygillmore.

 

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Thank you.