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Welcome to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life. My name is Brandy Gillmore, and after recovering from my own life changing injury, it's become my mission to share with others the same discoveries I made. that changed my health and my entire life. Our minds are truly incredible. The placebo is proof of this.

Each week I will take this simple awareness to a whole new level. I will even coach live callers to free themselves of physical pain using only their mind. And then I'll provide you with a combination of practical and spiritual insights that you can use to master your mind and body. Your emotions and your energy to help you heal your health, yourself and your life.

Let's begin.

Hello, and welcome to this week's quick IQ episode, where we talk about insights and questions. And today we have a really great question from a listener regarding kids and programming their minds and rewarding them. And I just absolutely love this question. You know, so often I see mothers who are just wanting the absolute best for their kids, wanting them to be healthy and happy and loved and just outgoing and successful in every area, you know, successfully.

Socialized and feeling loved and feeling included and all these things. And, of course, there can be challenges and all the time people are wondering, you know, what do I need to do to help my kids excel in life? And so I just absolutely love this question. And so, here we go. So, reading her question, she says, Hi, Brandy team.

I'm wondering whether Brandy could do a specific IQ episode on children as it would be good to get Brandy's work into young minds from the start. My question is in regard to using rewards for tasks done. In my particular circumstances, I teach children and wondered whether we should reward stickers for putting in effort and good work until they get to learn the joy of completing something.

So, is positive reinforcement good? Thank you so much. So first and foremost, I just love her question. And I'm going to answer this and then also some common mistakes that backfire. So I'm also going to talk about that just because we want to know what to do and also what not to do. So that's where we're going today.

And starting with the first question, as far as rewarding kids for effort or good work. So the answer is kind of yes and no and yes and no. So absolutely rewarding kids is a wonderful thing. Especially and most importantly when it's clear though why they're getting the reward and this is the reason why.

It's because our brains are constantly working on What is successful? And I don't mean as far as achievement, but what is the right action to take? And this pertains to every topic, you know, how do they get love? How do they get attention? How do they get reward? Or even as they're learning how to walk, you know, a kid or young toddler who's learning how to walk, what happens is of course, as they start moving their body in the right way, their brain records it, as a successful movement.

So everything in life, social skills, getting attention, getting love, getting good grades, learning how to ride a bike, every single activity that we do on a subconscious level, the brain is always on the move. learning how to do it and learning what is successful to do. That's the reason that you could teach a kid how to ride a bike.

And the first times they're riding a bike, you know, they can't do it. They're falling over. But once they learn how to ride a bike and they know how to do it. It's programmed in their subconscious mind. So the successful action of what they need to do to ride a bike is programmed into them. So you don't have to teach them how to ride the bike every single day because their brain audibly remembers, Hey, This is the success.

And so then it can successfully do it again. And so my point being is that when I said as far as rewarding kids and yes and no and yes and no, if effort is just rewarded in general and the kid doesn't know why they're getting the reward, then it's really hard for the brain to say, Well, that was successful.

It's hard for the brain to repeat it. So it's not really helping them the way that you would want it to. Now, let's say you have a bunch of kids because you're teaching them, or you just have even one kid in general, you know, maybe that's your kid. And let's say that you go to give them a sticker for a job well done.

The more you can be specific to what they did that was great, the better. Because now you're teaching their brain, you know, unconsciously. What it is that they need to do to repeat? What is being rewarded? What is the great action? You know, so that their brain can repeat it. So it's even more about Programming them.

And so let's say it is several kids. What you could do is you could specifically point out Hey, you did really great at this and another one Hey, you were really fun, or you were really smart, or you really practiced, or you really did whatever that is You know fill in the blank, but whatever it is that you want them to repeat or do more of, or you want a reward, the biggest thing I would do is be very specific.

Now, the reason that I emphasize being specific is because right now we're living in a time where there's a lot of people who don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. And so they're giving all of the kids a reward for no reason. And they're just saying, Hey, everybody gets a reward, which again would be a wonderful thing.

So I do agree with everybody getting a reward. but them knowing why. Because if everybody just gets a reward, then what happens is their brain doesn't know how to repeat it. Their brain doesn't know why they're getting it. And the problem is, is that it doesn't help them. And I guess the best example to use would be going back to the analogy of the bike.

And imagine if they're working on learning how to ride the bike, and they. are trying to pedal backwards and you give them a reward and they think in their mind that that's what is rewarding. Well, then they're not ever really going to learn how to ride a bike because the subconscious mind and the reward system in the brain is never going to clearly learn what it needs to do to automatically repeat it.

And that's what you want to remember. You know, neuroscience estimates that about 90 to 95 percent of our thoughts, emotions, behaviors all happen subconsciously. Now some people say it's a bit less, like 70 percent, but either way that's a significant percentage. So when you stop and think about kids and if we think about it through the lens of let's say 90 to 95 percent of human behavior.

is subconscious. And then you think about just giving them a reward and not telling them why, you're not helping to optimize their functions as a human being to set them up for success. But if you specifically point out something that they did great at and then you give them a sticker or a reward that is perfect because then their brain knows, Hey, I should definitely repeat that.

So that's a great thing. All right, so that answers the question and if I were going to expand on this a few ways, I would say first and foremost, there's a few things, you know, if you are wanting your kids to do something specific, then I would say, you know, getting them to take any type of effort or action towards that very thing and then rewarding it.

would be a great thing because, again, thinking about their subconscious mind, the more you can reward them in the direction that you want them to go, that of course is a great thing. Now, speaking of which, there's a flip side to this all that I see. So I mentioned in the very beginning that I was going to point out a common mistake, and it's this.

And I see this, by the way, in a lot of adults that grew up with this type of programming, is what'll happen. is maybe there's some type of competitive something. Maybe it's a soccer game as a kid or whatever it is. And what'll happen is that let's say that the kid lost, and then the parent says, that's okay.

It's okay. I'm going to take you out for ice cream anyway. Don't be down. You know, I'm going to take you out for this or pizza anyway. It's okay. Now, if you observe what is happening on an emotional level, um, It's this. It's that the kid is technically linking up sympathy. to reward or loss or feeling bad to reward and that gets linked up in the mind and you won't want to do that.

I mean, let's be honest. We've all seen people who at a subconscious level, have it linked up that they get love and attention for sympathy or for hardship. And by the way, if that's you, make sure not to judge yourself because all the time I'll see people who will have those patterns. And of course, They didn't put them there on purpose.

They got linked up, typically, at a young age. And so, point being on this note, either way, as far as kids go, you'll want to make sure that you're not rewarding your kids for sympathy either. So, let's say, going back to the example of the soccer game, let's say they did lose. Instead of saying, well, let's just go get ice cream or pizza, or hopefully it's something a bit healthier, but I know that those are common rewards or activities after a soccer game as a kid.

And so either way, point being. is you won't want to do that. You won't want to link that up. Instead, what you'd want to do is you'd want to ask them or point out to them what they did do that was great. If you said something like, but you still scored a goal and that is worth celebrating or, but you kicked the ball or, but you blocked it or, but you did great, or you had great time.

Teamwork or you were such a good team player and you were connected to everybody. You did so great. We still need to celebrate that. Perfect. That's the type of energy that you want to have. So it doesn't get linked up in their subconscious mind that you're rewarding sympathy or feeling sorry for them.

But instead that whether they win or not the game that they can still celebrate what they did. And that is a big difference because as adults, you know, you want to be able to be great at celebrating yourself, celebrate the things that you did do great. Even if everything wasn't picture perfect, you want to celebrate the greatness in you and you want to teach them to do the same that even if it wasn't perfect or they didn't win to celebrate the things that they did do great.

and bring more out of that in them. So just kind of noticing the difference. And by the way, it is a big difference in the outcome of that pattern. You know, if you think about a lifelong journey through this life where somebody has a pattern of wanting attention and love and acknowledgement for sympathy, Or, if they have lifelong patterns of being able to acknowledge what they did do great and continuing to build on that, that's a different life.

So that distinction, while it may seem small, is really big in the bigger picture. And lastly, the other insight that I want to leave you with is this, is that you'll want to make sure that if in the event your kids do get sick, you want to make sure that you're not rewarding. And all the time I'll see people where they're just, you know, wanting to give the little kid love and yet it ends up feeling like the kid is being rewarded for being sick.

Now you might say, well, Brandy, how do I do that? I gotta, I need to care for my kid. So how do I do that? And what I would say is this, is that yes, you absolutely will need to care for the child and just making a point. to purposely say specific things like, well, as soon as you're better, we can do X, Y, Z, whatever that is, because then even though you're being there for the child and helping to work with them through whatever illness that you're not giving the attention and the love to the illness, but instead to health, because what can happen of course, is love can get linked up to Illness and that can create a problem at a subconscious level which can fuel illness and so that's just another insight that I want to share with you on this episode because when you really start thinking in terms of rewarding a child and what you're rewarding them for It becomes so much easier to get children to do what it is that you want them to do and to help them bring out the best in them so you can shape them.

All right. So that said, I want to invite you to take one or two insights from today's episode and see if you can apply it in your life with your kids. You know, if you're going to reward them for something, just make sure to be patient. specific with whatever it is. And by the way, let's say that you have several kids at the same time, and you don't know exactly what they did do well, then what you could do is simply ask them and they could respond that oh, they did such and such, whatever that is, and then you acknowledge them because it will just reinforce to them that they're allowed to acknowledge themselves and it's good to acknowledge themselves and celebrate.

So again, just being specific And acknowledging them for specific things, because it really does help their subconscious mind at this developmental age, as they're growing and learning and riding bikes and learning to walk or learning math or learning social skills and learning how to be loved and how to connect and how to get attention and how to be themselves.

And they're just learning so many things that that positive reinforcement for something specific is so good for them, even if you have to look And find what specifically that is. It could even be for smiling and being happy. So whatever it is, just something. that the brain can repeat would be a great thing.

All right. So again, I just want to invite you to take one or two things from this episode, play with it, have fun with it. Enjoy. And I want to ask you as always, please do hit the share button on this episode. You know, share it with somebody you love, somebody you care about, or somebody you don't even know, because the more happy you that every single person is, including our children of the world.

The better this world is for all of us. So please do make a point to hit the share button and please do have a most wonderful, incredible day. And please do make a point to reward yourself for something today as well. So on that note, it has been such a pleasure connecting with you and I look forward to connecting with you on the next episode, we'll see you there.

Thank you for listening to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life. All of the time, people reach out and say how much these episodes have given them hope or touch their heart or help them stay positive in hard times, or even woken them up to a completely new level of awareness. Of how amazing we all really are.

If today's episode touched your heart or expanded your mind in any way, please do me a favor and be sure to share it with those you care about, or those, you know, who really need it as more and more people become empowered, it really will change our world for the better. That is the point. And the power of these demonstrations is to create a radical shift in our world consciousness by showing everyone.

What we are all capable of. And of course, each volunteer will really need to follow through to reinforce their programming, to maintain their results. But the point is for you to see that you really can create rapid results in your health and your life, if you really understand how to use your mind, you're incredible.

And I do want to be clear though, that most people will not get results this fast on their own. I make it look very easy because of the discoveries that I made. You'll want to remember that there's so much more going on in our minds at a deeper level than people realize. That said, if you want to send me any questions or comments, come visit me on my website at brandygillmore.com/podcast. And if you're currently experiencing physical pain and would like to be a volunteer on the show, you can sign up there as well. Lastly, Please remember, if you do have any health issues, you won't want to avoid your doctors. Instead, you'll want to continue seeing them and make it your goal to blow their minds with what you're capable of with your mind.

Thank you.