Click here to listen to episode IQ-73 Transcript: Identifying Hidden Emotional Patterns
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Welcome to heal yourself. Change your life. My name is Brandy Gillmore and after recovering from my own life-changing injury it has become my mission to share with others the same discoveries I made that changed my health and my entire. Our minds are truly incredible. The placebo is proof of this. Each week, I will take this simple awareness to a whole new level.
I will even coach live callers to free themselves of physical pain using only their minds. And then I'll provide you with a combination of practical and spiritual insights that you can use to master your mind, your emotions, and your health. To help you heal your health yourself and your life. Let's begin.
Hello, and welcome to this. Week's quick IQ episode, where we talk about insights and questions. And today I have a really great question from a listener that is powerful in many different ways. And so I'm gonna go ahead and read her. And it's this. She says, hello. I have enjoyed the podcast over the last couple of years.
They are very insightful IQ, 68 addressed negative thoughts and anger and how to not acknowledge those thoughts, beliefs, and patterns, because they can become accepted and create a. My spouse has retired and seems to have become more and more focused on the negative aspects of everything. He judges everything and everyone, and his comments are usually critical after negative comments.
If I say nothing, he thinks I'm not listening to him or ignoring him. If I agree with him, then I just reinforce the negative belief. If I disagree with him, he will dismiss me or sometimes get angry. If I ask why he's so negative about X, he says he's being realistic. Is there a podcast episode on how to respond to a family?
Member's negative comments. If not, maybe Brandy would consider commenting on this. Thanks so much. All right. So first and foremost, I have to say, I love how well she knows her husband just in going, okay, well, I've tried this and it's not working. I've tried this and it's not working. So I love the resourcefulness.
And let's go ahead and unpack this because this is a really. The question that a lot of people have is how do you navigate this? And the first thing I wanna say is there are a few different ways to do it, and it's going to be different for every person. It really just depends on who your partner is and, and how, of course, they respond.
But I would say first and foremost, one thing that you could do is you could respond. With understanding. In other words, you could just say, you know, I, I absolutely, I, I understand how you feel and just leave it at that initially, you know, leave it at that, because in that way you are acknowledging their emotions without necessarily agreeing with them.
If, you know, if you said, oh, this, this and this, and somebody says, well, I understand how you feel. It doesn't mean you are agreeing with them. Which is at least better than agreeing with them. So there's that. So you can just say, you know, I understand how you feel, or I understand what you're saying than from that place, at least your partner does feel understood.
And there is still that connection between the two of you. So responding that way. Isn't perfect. But it's helpful because there's still that connection between the two of you. So at least you connect. Still continues. There's a feeling of mutual understanding. And that's what I'd always recommend is, is exactly that is, you know, if your partner is saying something that you don't have to agree, you don't have to disagree, but it, you know, if it is something that you disagree with, you can simply, of course, say, you know, I understand how you feel and this in itself, by the way, can be very pivotal because a lot of times, people in relationships will feel like, you know, their other persons trying to fix them or correct them or therapy them, in which case it creates huge frustration. And so that's the first thing that I wanna invite you to notice in your relationships around you. Do you notice yourself in therapy, being people, you know, trying to do that, trying to correct people?
In your life. And the reason that I wanna invite you to look at that is because all too often, a lot of times, people who are in working on themselves will start kind of working on others and trying to fix others. And what ends up happening is it ends up fracturing all of their relationships. I have seen people before who walk around, who aren't trying to fix others and trying to fix this person and that person and that person.
And what ends up happening is. They don't know how to connect with people anymore. And not only that, but people don't wanna connect with them anymore. They feel like they've, they're always getting fixed. And by the way, I gotta tell you when I am working with somebody and somebody's asking for help and assistance, then I'm absolutely doing that.
And in my personal life, When I am just being social and being around friends and family, you know, I'm not typically offering advice or correcting people, even if they say whatever, you know, that's not my job to do that. And it's not comfortable for them. So I'm not intruding unless of course, somebody's saying, Hey Brandy, can you help me out with this then?
And only then. Am I typically saying, okay, well, yeah, let's, let's look at that. Let's look at what is going on because you wanna have that balance. And so that's the first thing that I wanna invite you to look at is can you just give understanding, even if you know that your partner's stuck in the negative by giving them that feeling of just understanding them, it can actually help to improve not only the connection but also their attitude and their feelings.
And that's the next part that I wanna go into is exactly that is, you know, if you have a partner or somebody you live with who is stuck in the negative and they're always in the negative and, and you feel that from them, a lot of times what people are wanting is they're trying to fix the other person.
They're trying to, you know, lecture them or change them or this, that the other. That's not gonna be a successful route to take with a partner or a loved one. You don't wanna be trying to fix your partner. And in most cases, if you are, then it's gonna just drive your partner away. Or in some cases, it'll drive the partner away and it'll fracture the relationship.
Or in other cases, it will just weaken the partner. It'll tear them down. It'll make them feel criticized all the time and less than inferior in which, It'll create even more negativity. So you definitely don't wanna do that. But what you could do is purposely add in happiness and playfulness in a way that, you know, your partner can receive it.
For this specific example, I can tell you that, you know, she mentions that her spouse has retired and seems to become more and more focused on the negative. Now I can tell you all of the time, there's a common thing that happens with men when they retire. And it's not everybody of course, but a common thing that I have seen is with men who retire.
It's like, they're used to feeling proud of what they do or important or a sense of, you know, significance or a role in life. And then they go to retire and they feel less about themselves. They feel like their, their self-esteem goes down. They don't feel. As proud of everything or as good about themselves, or as confident or as important.
And they start to feel less and less significant, less important, less good. And so kind of what happens is to make themselves feel better in life subconsciously. They'll start criticizing others and other things and breaking it down because it makes them feel better about themselves or more important.
They're like, oh, well look at that person. He's doing X, Y, Z, or look at what's happening there. And so they're quote being right about something. And that is a lot of times what is happening in this very situation. And so from this, what I wanna invite you to look. Is, if you think about your partner instead of trying to fix them or control them or make them wrong notice instead, what would be great for them to feel, to feel maybe more love, to feel more confident, to feel more honored, to feel more respected, to feel more laughter, to feel more joy, whatever that is that you feel.
Would really help lift them. And instead of trying to fix them or correct them, compliment them or connect with them in that. Or go do something with them. They enjoy or turn on some music and dance with them and enjoy or laugh on purpose or go to comedy or whatever that is. But think about how your relationship and your connection can start meeting in that fun place because what'll happen is it'll just help your partner to flourish.
It'll help your relationship to flourish. And it's really ultimately what it is that you are wanting, you know, more positivity. but doing it in a fun, loving, connected way. You know, if you think about this question right here, that this person sent in, I mean, she's beautiful and she knows her partner so well about all of the things, all the ways that he'll respond in the negative and this and that and the other and the negative, what would light him up?
What would make him laugh? What connection can you create? What game or this, that music? What, what is. That would start adding some more fun to life because you'll notice what ends up happening is when there's more of that love and more of that connection and more of that fun on purpose from that place, a person stops complaining and being so negative.
And so that's ultimately what I'd recommend is finding that joy spot. You know, when you're in a relationship with someone. Thinking and putting your energy there. So instead of correcting them or fixing them or telling them that they're wrong, you know, if the problem does come up, just tell 'em you understand, and then make a mental note that says, how can I add more fun to our connection?
How can I add more love or more joy or more happiness or more, whatever that is. To enjoy even more because if your partner's feeling that it can radically create the shift. So that's what I wanna invite you to do on today's IQ episode, not only for your partner, but I wanna invite you as you do that, to look at that even towards yourself, what could you do to add even more fun and feel.
To your life. And of course, as always, I wanna invite you to please do hit this share button on this episode, and share it with somebody you love somebody you care about, or somebody you don't even know, the more happiness and empowerment that we can spread and not leaving any person out the better this entire world will be for all of us.
And so please do hit the share button and. Make a point to make it an incredible, loving, sweet, wonderful day. And I look forward to connecting with you on the next episode. We'll see you there.
Thank you for listening to heal yourself. Change. All of the time people reach out and say how much these episodes have given them hope or touched their hearts or helped them stay positive in hard times, or even woken them up to a completely new level of awareness of how amazing we all really are. If today's episode touched your heart or expanded your mind in any way, please do me a favor and be sure to share it with those you care about or those you know, who really.
As more and more people become empowered. It really will change our world for the better. That is the point. And the power of these demonstrations is to create a radical shift in our world consciousness by showing everyone what we are all capable of. And of course, each volunteer will really need to follow through to reinforce their programming, to maintain their results.
But the point. For you to see that you really can create rapid results in your health and your life. If you really understand how to use your mind, you're incredible. And I do wanna be clear though that most people will not get results this fast on their own. I make it look very easy because of the discoveries that I made you'll wanna remember that there's so much more going on in our minds at a deeper level than people.
That said, if you wanna send me any questions or comments, come visit me on my website at brandygillmore.com/podcast. And if you're currently experiencing physical pain and would like to be a volunteer on the show, you can sign up there as well. Lastly, please remember if you do have any health issues, you won't want to avoid your doctors instead you'll wanna continue seeing them and make it your goal to blow their minds.
With what you are capable of with your mind.