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Welcome to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life. My name is Brandy Gillmore, and after recovering from my own life changing injury, it's become my mission to share with others the same discoveries I made. that changed my health and my entire life. Our minds are truly incredible. The placebo is proof of this.

Each week I will take this simple awareness to a whole new level. I will even coach live callers to free themselves of physical pain using only their mind. And then I'll provide you with a combination of practical and spiritual insights that you can use to master your mind and body. Your emotions and your energy to help you heal your health, yourself and your life.

Let's begin.

Hello, and welcome to this week's quick IQ episode, where we talk about insights and questions. And today we have a really great question from a listener about relationships and what do you do if you're shifting your energy and it's not working and how to have more harmony and peace. And what do you do?

So That's what we're gonna talk about today. And you know, I just, I love that you're here and I, I just, I love that she sent in this question just a really, really great question. And so that said, I'm gonna go ahead and read her question to you. Here we go. She says hello, beautiful people. One question for Brandy.

I understand it's important to always be in integrity and if you, for example, feel negative towards people to try to change this and clean up your energy. My question is in relation to people you try and shift your energy towards when they continue to be out of integrity with you and you can't cut them out of your life.

How do you continue to see them in a good light when they continue to batter you and not be in integrity? This relates to my children's father. I find myself having awful thoughts about him and him hurting himself or being involved in an accident. I then shift the negative energy. Then he does something again out of integrity with me and I find myself back to square one again.

All right, so let's go ahead and unpack this question. And you know, there are so many different layers to it and questions inside the question. That we're going to take a moment to unpack this and because I know that everybody's situation is a bit different, I'll answer this question in a few different ways just to kind of provide a takeaway for everybody of something that you could do to help shift your relationships or your energy or your life and um, and really create that change.

So that said, you know, the first place that I'm pulled to It is the question, you know, how do you continue to see them in good light when they continue to batter you and not be an integrity? So number one, I would say that, you know, first and foremost, if you're in a physical situation where you are physically in harm and somebody is physically abusing you, you know, of course, make sure to involve authorities.

So I think that goes without saying and, you know, make, make sure you're safe. So that's of course, number one. Now, number two. when we look at it, what you won't want to do. So you don't want to practice seeing every single person in good light. So just kind of, that's something you'll want to consider is, is not doing that.

And this is what I mean, like you wouldn't want to go down to the local prison and go practice seeing everybody in good light, because that's not the truth. And that's not what you want to link up in your mind. Like you don't want to link your mind up. To negative things, like in other words, you know, kind of, uh, an example, if you think about people who are in self harm, you know, a cutter, you know, somebody who unfortunately has been through some type of trauma who cuts themselves, they have positive emotions linked up to a negative action.

And so thinking about that for a moment, because all the time when spirituality or when people are working with their mind, they think that exact thing, Oh, let's link up everything good to everything. Well, that's not the case. So you don't want to do that. So that is number one. It's not about practicing seeing the person in good light at all.

Now, of course, if there are good people, then you want to see them in good light. And this is what I mean, kind of to unpack this topic for a moment. You know, let's be honest, people aren't perfect and we are. And we're not like, you know, everybody's got their things that they're working on or, you know, and, and trying to transform or are a bit stuck or challenges, different things like that.

Everybody's, you know, evolving. We'll put it that way. We're working on it. And so it's one thing to see the good in somebody who is a good person. So you see the good in a good person. That's a great thing. So you're not sitting there fault finding or criticizing what's not perfect or this, that, the other.

So you really, in general, do want to see the good. In people. Absolutely. Okay. But you don't want to try and force and train yourself to see the good. In somebody who's got clearly obvious actions that are out of integrity. So you don't wanna do that. That's even, you know, if you think about, yes, it's trying to link your mind up to something negative, so you don't want to do that.

It's kind of like, you know, there's a lot of life experiences that are very, very wonderful and you wouldn't wanna link your mind up that it's a great thing to even fall off a cliff. Okay? That's not what you wanna link your mind up to, right? And so you want to instead. link your mind and feel good, have good light towards the very things that you're wanting, okay?

And so I would say that's number one. You don't ever want to do that. So that's number one. Now again, there's so many different pieces. I'm like, which, which one next? Okay, so number two is that what you will want to do in that case is is you could start getting a vision for how you do want the relationship to go and how you want to feel.

So, that you could start doing. You could say, okay, look it, this is how I want the relationship to go. And so you start really picturing that and start seeing it in a different way. So, that's one thing that you could do. Now, another thing that you'll want to do, and we will talk about the energetic, so we're gonna, we're gonna go there, because there's always an energy, always, always, but more on this, on the physical to do for a moment, you know, let's say that in this case, we With this person, let's say that they are triggering you.

They're triggering you. They're, um, out of integrity. There's, you know, they're doing awful things. Okay. So number one, like I hear you and all the time I've seen where people have somebody who's an antagonist in their life. And part of what happens is first and foremost, you want to not get triggered. Okay, you want to really not be triggered and set by the situation because what can happen is that people will get to like to get a rise out of people like that some people do and it's kind of like I guess the best way to illustrate this is let's say that there's a little brother or little sister who's, you know, poking at their big brother or big sister trying to get a rise out of them trying to, you know, be an antagonist just kind of pesky type of thing.

So what happens, as long as they get a rise, and they get a rise, and they get an upset, it becomes fun. And so, I would also say that in your life, if there's somebody who is getting a rise out of you, that you won't want to give them that satisfaction, number one. And also, of course, you want to then look at your own energy and make sure you're not being reactive.

And I would say that. is something else you want to do. So you want to notice what the reaction is. Now, again, there are so many pieces here. So that's one thing. So for anybody, if there's somebody in your life, who's, who's getting under your skin, number one, don't, don't be reactive first and foremost, because it's not helpful for you and not only that, but it can just make them continue to want to do it.

And so even if it does get you, you don't want to, you don't want to give them that satisfaction. So number one, that would be my first suggestion is that. Now, number two, of course, you always want to clear up your energy. So you'll want to notice why that happened, what, what is attracting that. And again, if somebody is in your life, there's always an energetic reason for it.

I've never seen it. where there wasn't. So there's just, there's always an energy. And by the way, speaking of that example of a little kid, you know, like a little brother or a little pesky sister or something like that, that kind of situation where they're trying to purposely trying to, you know, get a rise out of you or, or be the antagonist that I have seen that very pattern show up in people's lives where they grow up and they do have somebody being that antagonist.

And so we look to their childhood patterns, and that's the very thing that was happening, is their little brother or little sister was doing something all the time, and they were always like, Mom! And they were telling, you know, Mom, hey, so and so did this, or so and so did that, or brother did this, or sister did that, or whatever it was.

And that pattern continues into their life. And so one thing that you're going to want to really take from this is patterns can be so complex, but they can be literally a mirror. of the same situation in childhood. And so that's what I would recommend looking at is saying, you know, why is this pattern here?

And so that's another piece. Now, again, so many different pieces. And by the way, some people might think to themselves, even if I change my energy, this situation could never, ever, ever change. And people will think that all of the time, but even with this situation, what I would expect to typically happen, um, Is, let's say that This woman does clean up her energy, right?

So he changes the specific energy. And then this ex, things that can happen is, Oh, you know what? He might get a girlfriend and start dating and end up being nicer or end up, you know, being distracted. So he's no longer being venomous. And maybe it's because he's just wanting to. I'm portray that he's a nice guy in front of this new girlfriend or whatever it is.

But that could be one thing that happens. Or another thing is that, you know, maybe he gets a job or fulfillment that he's happy in in something else. So then that happens. Or he has a change of heart and maybe his patterns take him elsewhere where he's, you know, doing other things with, you know, he's just, it, it, it always changes.

Like, so I want to invite you to take in that awareness that. Time and time again, I've seen it where it just, it always changes if you just look at what the pattern is. Now, I want you to notice for a moment, is that there was a few things. Is that there's also actions in it. And so, in other words, it's kind of like this.

Is that, let's say somebody is extremely feeling unloved and really, really, really rejected. Now, a lot of times when this type of person goes to create relationships, They show up very needy, which repels people. And so what happens is their emotions create a certain type of behavior and then that behavior then continues to create the problem.

So then a person feels rejected and abandoned and then they're needy and they feel rejected and abandoned again because of also their actions in the way that they're showing up. Right? And so my point is, is also that changing your actions. And changing your pattern can be very, very important in relationships.

And so, just to kind of simplify all of this, when we stop and look at it, you definitely want to change your energy. So that's one thing. So you definitely want to identify what is the pattern. Now there's two last pieces and it's this. It's that, notice for a moment, she mentions that there's a feeling of picturing awful thoughts about him, him hurting himself, him being involved in an accident, etc.

Those type of things. Now, first and foremost, I just have to say, I love her self awareness and her self honesty with this. So that is beautiful. And that right there is part of what is going to also fuel the energy. Meaning this. Meaning there are people that I've worked with who have walked around and wished bad things on others.

Where they want this person to be punished and they want this person to be punished and they want this to happen and they want this to happen and bad things. And what ends up happening is that. And because that's the energy, they're the ones that are attracting it. And so what I would say is that no matter how, you know, of course you want to change the trigger, you want to change the pattern, you want to change the circumstances, absolutely.

But you definitely want to rewire your brain if you notice your brain is wanting bad things for others. That is key. And so that is a pattern that I would look at as well, is that, you know, what you could do is you could ask yourself. How long has your brain been working in that way where you wish bad things for others like harm and whatnot and Why is it working that way?

And Would you like to change it? And what would you like to change it to? Okay, because again Those are some questions that you could ask yourself, but making a real change in that area is huge because Again, just to emphasize, if you're wishing bad things on others, chances are that will backfire or already is backfiring somewhere in your life, but you don't realize it.

And so, you'll never ever want to do that. Instead, you want to make sure, of course, focus on what it is that you want. Okay? So, that's one thing. And I had said there's two things left, so there's, the other thing is, I want to list off some patterns and what you could potentially do to start shifting the situation.

Okay, so some patterns, you know, what we mentioned the antagonist little brother or sister and then growing up and feeling like That same thing happens in life. So that's one thing now what I've also seen in this exact scenario is I've seen where Maybe let's say let's say for example This person who wrote the email is typically speaking poorly about her ex So she's speaking poorly speaking poorly speaking poorly about him in which case A lot of times that in itself will fuel the energy, especially even if she's speaking poorly to the kids, that.

We'll also fuel the energy. And so I would say, notice where the pattern is and also make sure that you're not fueling the energy. Now, again, coming back to the awareness that all of the time there, like if there's a relationship in your life, there's always some type of emotional, energetic connection always.

You know, what's fascinating is this, is that when I see people who are literally not in alignment with the problem. Let's say that you are not in alignment with something. You're just not, not in alignment with it at all. It's like that person would trip over their own shoelace on their way to do it.

Because if you're just not aligned with it, you know, something changes. And so that's what I want to invite you to really look at is to genuinely change the pattern and to do so. Like in this situation. I would say to just at least start picturing what you do want and also start letting go and doing some release on your triggers that are coming up.

And so at least you can start shifting it and picturing it what it is that you do want. And I would start picturing it even proactively. And so for anybody, if you're, if you're in a challenged relationship, that's, that's What I'd recommend is, again, first and foremost, picturing what it is that you do want, number one, and picturing how you want to feel.

in the relationship and making sure there's not any negativity, no passive aggressive, no wishing anything bad for them, just how you want it to start going and then start aligning your emotions and your actions with that. Because what also happens, just like the example previously about the person who's, you know, feeling rejection and abandonment, and then they're acting and behavior super needy, And then, as a result, they're ending up with more rejection and abandonment, you know, it just kind of continues.

Their behavior is fueling the problem. And so a lot of times when there are conflicted relationships, people have hurt or jadedness or upset or anger or dislike towards each other, and it comes out in the subconscious Actions and their body language and the way they, they are interacting with others.

And then it perpetuates the problem without them even realizing it. And so again, just all of this to say, to start shifting it, what I'd recommend doing is starting to get a vision of what it is that you do want and then start clearing your triggers and your upset and not going into it, but genuinely changing.

And as you're seeing your vision, the way you want it to be. Then, start embodying that and feeling that. And that creates a new space for it. Because especially a lot of times when there's split custody about kids, a lot of times, what happens is that, you know, somebody in this situation might think, well, I just want the dad to just go away completely.

That's not really great for the kids necessarily either and, you know, depending, but it's really about creating a new vision for it. That you could like. And, and starting there. And by the way, I do want to say, like in this situation, it may not be her dream vision to say okay, well this is how the kids are.

Maybe her dream vision is, look, I just want the kids to myself and you like, go away. That's probably her dream vision. But, you could start to get an improved vision. And then from that place, another improved vision. And start changing it. So, that's, that's Ultimately, what I recommend now, I know that everybody's situation is different.

The biggest thing I want to say is just, if there is a relationship, all too often I see people who feel like they've cleared their own things. They feel like they've, I've done the work, I've done this, I've done that. And every single time. Every time there's always an emotional pattern and so that's the other thing I want to invite you to look at also is What is that emotional pattern and by the way, even with this exact situation there could be so many different combinations She could feel like she's the good one and you know or a victim pattern But feeling like she's the good one, or she's being a good mom, or the protector, or it just, there's so many different patterns and combinations of emotions that there could be that what you really want to do is ultimately check inside and notice how you're genuinely feeling in the relationship.

What is that genuine feeling? And then notice and think back. To the first time you remember feeling like that. Not having the same exact situation, but when is the first time you remember feeling like that? Because that's what's tricky is a lot of times when we have a lot of different situations, a lot of times most people don't realize that they're actually connected in what there's an energetic connection.

They've got the same feeling connected to each other. And so that's what I want to invite you to do also is notice. If you can see the pattern. And then of course, if you can definitely make a point to clear it. So those are some things that you can do to start shifting relationships. And I know that there's kind of a lot of different ideas here.

And that is of course, because I'm wanting to make sure that everybody has something that they could listen to this and do or implement that can help you in your life, because. you know, the more that we experience love and unity and connectedness and happiness and bliss, the, you know, the more healing it is, the better our world is.

And so just taking what you can from this and applying it in your life to make your life, your kid's life, your family life, even better. So, that said, it has been such a pleasure connecting with you, and as always, if you could hit the share button on this episode, share it with somebody you love, somebody you care about, or somebody you don't even know, the more empowered and happy and healthy and loved.

That every single person is in this world and not leaving anybody behind, you know, the more loved and happy that everybody is, the better our world is for all of us. And so on that note, I wish you a most wonderful rest of your day. And I look forward to connecting with you on the next episode. I'll see you there.

Thank you for listening to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life. All of the time, people reach out and say how much these episodes have given them hope or touch their heart or help them stay positive in hard times, or even woken them up to a completely new level of awareness. Of how amazing we all really are.

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And of course, each volunteer will really need to follow through to reinforce their programming to maintain their results. But the point is for you to see that you really can create rapid results in your health and your life. If you really understand how to use your mind, you're incredible. And I do want to be clear though, that most people will not get results this fast on their own.

I make it look very easy because of the discoveries that I made. You'll want to remember that there's so much more going on in our minds at a deeper level than people realize. That said, if you want to send me any questions or comments, come visit me on my website at brandygillmore. com slash podcast.

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Thank you.