303: Healing, Love & Relationships: Unlocking the Emotional Patterns That Hold Us Back

Welcome to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life. My name is Brandy Gillmore, and after recovering from my own life-changing injury, it’s become my mission to share with others the same discoveries I made that changed my health and my entire life. Our minds are truly incredible. The placebo is proof of this.

Each week I will take this simple awareness to a whole new level. I’ll even coach live callers to free themselves of physical pain using only their mind, and then I’ll provide you with a combination of practical and spiritual insights that you can use to master your mind, your emotions, and your energy to help you heal your health, yourself, and your life.

Let’s begin.

Hello and welcome. It is so wonderful to connect with you. I just love that you are here continuing to expand your mind, your energy, your consciousness, your healing. I just love it and I love today’s episode for so many reasons. Not only because there are eye-opening insights with health, but also when it comes to love and relationships and really manifesting a real change because so often I’ll see people who are on the spiritual journey or self-help journey or transformational journey, you know, working on healing themselves or changing and transforming their relationships. So often they feel stuck in how to do that.

Attracting New Relationships and Healing Blocks

And that’s what I love—is in this episode we go deeper into looking at what does it really take to begin attracting new relationships, aligning with relationships and love and connection. And we also look at some of those real blocks that can keep you stuck and keep you from really having the relationships that you want.

So I love that. As far as relationships and as far as her health and healing, that’s the reason that the relationships come up—because ultimately, we are working with a beautiful volunteer today who has multiple health issues that she’s working on, and she’s trying to get her body to heal itself. And the insights that come up as you’ll see are really pivotal, not only for her health, but also for her life and happiness and love and connection.

And so I just, I love this so much—how, you know, when we really start to heal ourselves emotionally and mentally, spiritually, that it also connects to the physical healing as well in such a beautiful way. And so I just love this episode for so many reasons, and I love our beautiful volunteer. You’re absolutely going to love her. And on that note, let’s go ahead and dive in with our beautiful volunteer Aina. Here we go.

Hello. Hello.

Aina?

Yes. Hello. Beautiful. It’s wonderful to connect with you.

It is wonderful for me too. Yes, it’s beautiful to connect. And what can I help you with today?

Well, I have digestive issues frequently, and endometriosis. That is the main problem. There are several other issues, but that is the main and the daily, daily problem, I would say.

Okay. And how are those issues feeling right now, in this moment?

Right now I am… I’m feeling fine. I’m feeling tired, but I was at a festival for a few days, so I’m tired because of all the activity. And these days I was having a lot of abdominal pain. But today I am better.

Okay. Well, I’m glad you’re feeling better today. That’s always a good thing. And let’s go ahead and dive in…

…Bingo. All right, so give me one second. Bingo. Bingo. Okay, so I’m going to ask you to breathe. And can you give me your mom’s first initial please?

Yes, it’s I.

Okay. And can you give me your dad’s first initial please?

A.

Okay. So, and are you married?

No.

Or in a relationship?

No.

Okay. Give me one second. There is a person that I’m looking for. Okay. Ah, that’s who it… Okay. And if I ask you, how long ago was your last relationship?

I finished it like one month and a half ago.

Bingo. Okay. That’s who I’m looking for. And can you give me that, the first initial there, please?

R. Bingo, like Roma.

Okay. Bingo. Okay. And if I ask you, zero to 10, how much you’re feeling a lot of hurt and anger towards that relationship, what would you say?

Mainly I feel like in peace. When I was in the relationship, I often felt a lot of anger and a lot of hurt. Now it’s better. But when I was with the relationship it was very frequent and intense feeling.

Okay. So I’m going to ask you to breathe. And if I ask you also growing up, if I ask you to notice how much, even in your family dynamic, how much there was a lot of hurt and anger there, what would you say?

Oh yes. A lot. A lot. It was like a constant feeling of being hurt or being angry—like going from one to the other.

Bingo. Okay. So I’m going to ask you to breathe. And if I ask you to notice the part of you who has felt the feeling of just wanting somebody to love you, and kind of really feeling hurt over that—that energy of feeling that gap—how much would you say that is, zero to 10?

It is not like a daily feeling, but it happens often. And when I connect with it, it’s like nine. It’s intense. It’s feeling like unloved and that there is no one for me.

Bingo. Okay, so I’m going to ask you to breathe. Now of course I’m not saying bingo because that’s true. What I am saying though is that that is part of what is connected. And so, now if I ask you to also notice, can you see there’s this other part of you that’s got a lot of fighter energy? Can you see that?

Yes. Yes.

If I ask you, zero to 10, what would you say?

I think it’s getting less lately. I think I am getting more conscious that this part is there and that it’s not helping me. So I would say maybe six or seven.

Okay. I would have said about a level eight, but I love your awareness. Okay. I love it. I love it. I love it. So I’m going to ask you to breathe. Bingo. I’m going to ask you to also notice the part of you who, if we go back to that feeling—kind of like the feeling of feeling unloved, but also the feeling of feeling like there’s nobody for you, right?

Yes.

You do know that that’s absolutely true, right? I mean, there’s only 8 billion people on the planet, so there’s just not enough people, right?

Understanding Emotional Patterns Connected to Illness

All right, so let’s go ahead and pause it just for a quick moment. You know, first and foremost, I love her heart. I love her self-awareness. Just a beautiful, beautiful being. And also notice for a moment that feeling of feeling like, you know, there’s nobody for her. That’s a lonely feeling on the inside.

And that is one of the many things that I’m seeing connected to her health issue. Now what you’ll notice coming up is there are multiple different emotions that are connected to the physical issues going on. And if we think about loneliness just for a moment—even new medical research has been showing that loneliness can increase chances of illness, disease in the body, etc.

Now of course in this episode, we’re going to take it to the next level because we want to look at what are those specific emotions and also the awareness that it’s always a combination of emotions. So that is key. And just on that note really quickly, the way to think about that combination of emotions is like this:

We can see that emotions or stress affects the physical body. We know that that’s been proven in medical research—psychoneuroimmunology, we’ve known that for like 60 years now. That’s been well established.

However, we can also see that people can be really, really stressed and even have PTSD or severe trauma, and yet they’re not sick and they have no illness or physical illness. So we can see that it’s not just stress in and of itself. One of my big breakthrough discoveries in my research was understanding that it’s a specific combination of emotions that is key.

The analogy I often use is that if someone wants to make cake, and they only have flour, they can’t make cake. But if they have flour and mix it with other ingredients, now they can make cake. And if they change the ingredients, now they make a different recipe.

So the point being is that we’re looking for those other specific ingredients—those emotional ingredients—that are connected to this. We can see there’s a connection of loneliness, that deep feeling of feeling like there is nobody for her. And obviously that’s a painful feeling inside.

And on the flip side though, what is really beautiful is this: I’ve been working with people for over 15 years now, and with the mind over 20 years—starting with my own mind. But what’s beautiful is that time and time and time again, I have seen people create all kinds of changes in their life—from their health to their relationships, love, connection, business success, money—like every single area of life.

And the key though, of course, is really being willing to change. But I would say as far as when somebody says there’s nobody for them—what I would say is we are truly able to accomplish and change our lives in such an incredible way. I don’t see that anybody is limited. I would say the only limit that we as human beings really, really, really have—that we can’t really step into what it is that we’re wanting—the biggest limit is just how willing we are to be able to change.

Because so often people may resist change or don’t want to change or want to keep doing things the same exact way, and they’re stuck not getting the results that they want for that reason. And so ultimately, where we’re going as we step back in is looking at that deeper level of change. Because when we want to create a real change in our lives, it really does take a real change in the insight and our energy and our mindset and our actions and our life.

And so that’s where we’re going as we step back in with our beautiful volunteer Aina. Here we go.

Creating Real Change Through Emotional Shifts

I tend to like want it from a particular person.

Yes.

Okay. Yes. So I’m going to ask you to breathe. And so if I ask you—bingo. This particular person, how amazing is this particular person you’re wanting love and connection from?

Um, amazing. Yes. It happens to me… Yeah, it happened with my ex when I was in the relationship or my sister or my parents, that I’m like looking to feel loved. That they express love.

Okay. Now—bingo. If I ask you, how much would you say your sister has a lot of fighter energy, like fight energy—zero to 10—what would you say?

A nine, maybe.

Okay. And if I ask you how much that makes it harder to love her, what would you say?

Yes. For me it feels harder because I don’t feel secure around her.

Bingo. Okay. So you don’t feel secure around her, so it makes it harder for you to love her because it doesn’t feel safe, right?

Yes.

And you’ve had a lot of fighter energy, right?

Yes.

So what you’re saying is—it makes it harder for people to feel safe loving you also. Can you see that?

Yes. Yes. It’s possible.

Okay. Now if I ask you to notice the part of you that has felt really bad for yourself for not being loved—kind of like a feeling sad for yourself—can you see that?

Yes.

If I ask you zero to 10—how high?

Sometimes it’s like nine, I think.

Yeah. Now I have a question. If your sister has a lot of fighter energy at a level nine, right?

Yes.

How is that going to go for her getting love?

Not well.

Now imagine if she feels very sorry for herself—or if she changes that energy and gets rid of that fighter energy—which one do you think is going to be most helpful?

To change it. To change it, definitely.

Sometimes it feels like it’s insecure…

I’m sorry, you said sometimes it—sometimes it feels what?

Like it’s not secure. Not… Like not too…

Yeah. I understand. So it feels like it’s not secure and that you have to hold on to that fighter energy to help keep you safe, right?

Yes.

Okay. Is that true?

No, I don’t think so.

So if I ask you—if you think about your sister, how much would you say the fighter energy is keeping her safe?

Not at all, probably.

Ah. But she says, “Oh, it’s so unsafe to let it go.” What would you say?

Yes. More and more I think that it is safe to let it go.

Beautiful. Beautiful. So I’m going to ask you to breathe. And I want you to notice for a moment what it would look like to let go of the fighter energy and really embody that sense of peace and openness and allow yourself to feel safe being soft, being loving, being open to love.

Can you do that?

Yes, I can try.

Beautiful. So I’m going to ask you to breathe. And if I ask you to take in the feeling—imagine what it feels like if you felt so safe and so peaceful and you just let that love in—what would that feel like?

Calm and warm.

Beautiful. Beautiful. I’m going to ask you to breathe that in. Calm and warm. Beautiful.

Letting Go of the Old Energy

Now, if I ask you, can you notice how when you were in your past relationship, that part of you that was wanting love was also kind of pushing it away because of the fighter energy?

Yes. Yes.

Okay. So I’m going to ask you just for a moment to breathe, and if I ask you—if you really, truly want to let that go and create a new pattern in love, what would you say?

Yes.

Beautiful. So I’m going to ask you to breathe. And I want you to imagine feeling so peaceful and so safe and just bringing in the energy of feeling loved. And it feels calm and it feels warm and it feels safe.

Beautiful. And if I ask you, could you imagine what your life would look like if you really felt safe receiving love?

Yes.

What would be different?

I would feel more connected. I would be less afraid. And I would be more open in my body, like in my chest. I feel it physically.

Beautiful. Beautiful awareness. And so I’m going to ask you to breathe and imagine what that would feel like to really embrace that energy of feeling safe in love—feeling connected, feeling that warmth, and really letting go of that old fighter pattern. Let it go. Let it go.

And as you feel that connection and that love and that warmth, I want you to also picture your body aligning with health. Aligning with peace and vitality. Let that in. Let it in. Let it feel good. Beautiful.

Now, if I ask you, how does your body feel right now?

Much better. Like… very different. Like there is a flow of light or energy moving through my abdomen. Like my stomach feels calm. My heart feels open. My shoulders relaxed. My face too. I feel peaceful. It’s very new.

Beautiful. That is so beautiful. I love that. I love your awareness. You’re doing amazing. Amazing job. I’m going to ask you to breathe that in. Take it in. And I want you to keep reinforcing that peaceful, safe love—that open energy, that healing energy. Beautiful.

Now, if I ask you, how much could you see yourself really living in this energy—every day waking up and feeling this safe, peaceful love?

I think I could, but it’s unfamiliar. It’s not a place I’m used to staying in, but I want to. I want it to become my norm.

Beautiful. I love that so much. So I’m going to ask you to breathe and just take that in. Let’s make this the new you. That soft, loving, peaceful energy. Let it in. Make it your norm.

Beautiful. And I want to acknowledge you. Really. I just want to say amazing job. You are so beautiful. Your energy is beautiful. Your transformation today—just beautiful. I love it.

Shifting Emotional Patterns for Lasting Healing

And to anybody listening, what I want to invite you to do is notice the transformation that Aina made. Because so often people have patterns where they’re wanting love but have energy that repels it—either through hurt, sadness, fighter energy, feeling like nobody is there for them—and they don’t even realize it.

And what I love is that we could see that there was a fighter energy, there was a deep sadness, there was a hurt from childhood, there was this fear, and the beautiful thing is that Aina was able to shift it.

And that is key because all too often people may look at the physical body and try to fix the symptom, but to create real healing, we need to address those deeper underlying patterns. The emotions. The energies. And create a real shift. A shift in the mind, a shift in the body, a shift in life.

And of course, as we often say, we don’t want just a temporary shift—we want it to last. Which is why it’s so important to reprogram your mind to maintain that new energy. To get that to stick. To make it your new norm, your new default. That’s what allows the healing to continue and to become real, lasting transformation.

So on that note, I want to invite you to really think about your life. Where are you craving love, but also maybe pushing it away? What emotional patterns are you holding onto that are keeping you stuck or in pain?

And as always, I want to remind you—your mind is incredibly powerful. You have the power to shift your energy, to change your emotional patterns, and to create transformation in your body, your relationships, and your life.

Make that choice. Step into that new version of you. And don’t just think about it—feel it. Embody it. Live it. And let it become your new norm.

And as always, I want to thank you for being here. I want to acknowledge you for your commitment to growth, to healing, to expanding your mind, your energy, your heart, and your life. You are truly amazing, and I just love that you are here.

And as always, please do make sure to hit the share button on this episode. You know, share it with somebody you love, somebody you care about, or somebody you don’t even know. The more empowered and inspired that every single person is in our world, the better this world is for all of us.

And if you’re somebody who is truly committed to healing or expanding and shifting your life and your health and your relationships, then I encourage you to come and check out the events and the programs that I have. You’ll find them at brandygillmore.com—from coaching to deep dive training to one-day workshops to retreats. Everything is available at your fingertips, and it’s my joy to help support you on your journey.

I look forward to connecting with you on the next episode. Have an incredible rest of your day.