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Welcome to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life. My name is Brandy Gillmore, and after recovering from my own life changing injury, it's become my mission to share with others the same discoveries I made. that changed my health and my entire life. Our minds are truly incredible. The placebo is proof of this.
Each week I will take this simple awareness to a whole new level. I will even coach live callers to free themselves of physical pain using only their mind. And then I'll provide you with a combination of practical and spiritual insights that you can use to master your mind and body. Your emotions and your energy to help you heal your health, yourself and your life.
Let's begin.
Hello and welcome. It is so wonderful to connect with you. I just love that you are here and that you are somebody who is continuing to expand your mind and your energy and your creativity. consciousness. I just love it. And welcome to today's quick IQ episode, where we talk about insights and questions.
And today I have a really great question from a listener on the topic of venting. And actually he asks multiple questions. So we're going to dive into this topic because I know that a lot of people can struggle or feel challenged with this very thing, you know, is it good to vent? Is it not good to vent?
And why does it feel so good? And that's actually the very questions that he sent in on his email. So I'm going to go ahead and read that email to you. He says, Hi Brandy, if you would, could you please consider doing one of your IQ episodes on venting? Sometimes it feels good to blow up or get angry or cry it out or express ourselves about something we're emotional about, but I'm guessing you would recommend against it?
Question mark. And then he goes on with other questions. You know, why does it feel so good? It seems to work at least to help clear the emotion temporarily. Why isn't it the best thing to do? And his last question was, what do you recommend doing instead? So let's go ahead and unpack this. You know, first and foremost, he is right that I would not.
Recommend it, but of course I wouldn't recommend just bottling up a bunch of negative emotions either. So if this is something that you're doing, we're gonna break it down because ultimately if so, you'll want to do it in a specific way and do it very carefully so you're not feeding the negativity. But of course, ultimately I recommend.
transforming the actual pattern itself. And when it comes to something you've been venting about, the key thing you'll want to remember is that there's a lot of opportunity for growth and transformation in your life. because it's something you've been venting on, meaning this, you know, somebody who's venting about something, then obviously there's some negative energy around it, right?
There's a lot of negative energy around it. And when you truly transform your mindset around something that's got a lot of negative energy to it, then there's a lot of opportunity for that change to make your life better, your happiness better, your health better. And so what I love about topics of venting, uh, is.
To really look for the opportunity to really look for the gift and to see that that is there. Now, the other thing is, is that a lot of times people will want to say, okay, well, let's just transform it, but you want to make sure to look at what specifically is there, you know, you don't want to just bypass it either.
So the goal isn't to vent and go into a bunch of the negativity, but it's also not to bypass and let's kind of break this down. even more and just kind of address each specific question because the questions that he asked were actually just really perfect. So, um, the first one was, I'm guessing you would recommend against it.
And ultimately he is right. Yes, it isn't. There are other ways that you want to do it that will be much better. And so that was the first question. His second question was, why does it feel so good? Now, this answer can be complex. You know, it can be anything from sabotage patterns to love patterns, to safety, to, I mean, just so many things.
And. Of course, we're going to break it down and make it simple, but the very first thing you'll want to keep in mind as far as, you know, why does it feel good is that you'll want to remember above all that just because something does feel good, doesn't mean it is good. And you know, if you've been listening to past episodes, then you've probably heard me use the example of the cutter before, you know, somebody who unfortunately has been through trauma and ends up.
you know, cutting themselves. And when they do, they can feel a feeling of high or relief or euphoria from cutting themselves. And of course, that doesn't mean that cutting themselves is a good thing. It means that their brain is searching for some type of relief that makes them feel good. And a lot of times, similarly, venting can be like that.
It can create a feeling of feeling good for a variety of different reasons, you know, and when it comes to the cutter, If we think about a cutter, they can have a biochemical reaction. You know, when a person cuts themselves, their body releases endorphins and endorphins can create that high feeling in the body.
So there is that biochemical response. Now similarly, when somebody is venting, they can feel a feeling of connection with others for a variety of different reasons. You know, I've worked with people who have said the way that they feel the most connected to others and to their friends is when they are sharing their deepest wounds and hurts and upsets and eek.
You don't want to do that. You know, even just thinking about it from a biochemical response. If human beings are connecting over any type of topic, when there's human connection, we also have biochemical responses to human connection. I mean, deep feelings of connecting with human beings, they create that biochemical response.
So similarly, we could vent, feel a feeling of human connection, and then, Have that feeling of euphoria or connection or even a sense of relief or a feeling of understanding of feeling like somebody else Understands you and so there's a lot of different feelings which will unpack a bit more But the thing that you want to keep in mind even when it comes to human connection is this is that whatever things that bring us human connection, our energy is going to want to manifest more of.
And a common example I see of this is I'll see women who are maybe, you know, complaining about men and they have that very much in their energy. And it's like they have more and more of that manifesting in their lives. But I see this in a variety of different areas. Sometimes it can even be a pattern of sympathy or, you know, just a variety of different things.
So the thing that you want to keep in mind. Is that we as human beings need love and connection, you know, again, you've probably heard me say in past episodes, some examples like, you know, if a kid doesn't get positive attention, they'll get negative attention, you know, their brain at a subconscious level will want to create negative circumstances or, you know, get in trouble or whatnot to get attention and connection.
And of course, This is subconsciously. It's not like a four year old sits down and says, well, I think that I should get in trouble to get attention. No, it's, it's the brain. It starts reaching out subconsciously towards that, which creates love and connection. You know, we, as spiritual beings, we need that love and connection.
You know, just like a tree will grow towards the sun. We, as human beings. will grow towards love and connection. So you just want to remember to remember to remember that about your energy. So if you are connecting with people by venting and venting about this and that, and there's a feeling of connection, or there's a feeling of feeling understood.
or relief or a deep feeling of bonding, then you want to make sure not to do that. You'll want to make sure that you are creating that deep feeling of bonding in positive ways. Now I want to unpack this even further, you know, so that starts to answer the question that he asked, which was, why does it feel so good?
So that's, Part of the reason that it feels so good. Now his next question was also That he says that it seems to work at least to help clear the emotion Temporarily. Now the reason that it seems to work At least temporarily is because it can provide those feelings of relief, you know, it's like, let's say somebody has a fear and they tell somebody else about a fear that they're having.
They can instantly feel as though they have an ally in it, or if somebody is feeling guilt or they feel wronged. They can feel like, you know, if they tell somebody else, they have this ally in it. So they immediately can feel even better. And you know, again, this really depends on the situation because what is very common is this, is that let's say somebody had an argument with their spouse and they feel both angry at their spouse.
But they also feel a bit guilty like they know that they did something wrong under it all. So they can vent to their best friend and share only their side of the story. And when they share their side of the story, their friend will, of course, say, Oh man, I can't believe he or she did that. That is so wrong.
That is so messed up, blah, blah, blah. So suddenly they have this ally and they feel like they are in the right. So how does this person feel? Well, typically a lot better now they feel like they're in the right, even though they may not have shared the whole story. They'll feel like they are in the right, you know, so suddenly, of course, that feels better because now, in that case, you know, if that's you or whoever that is, this person's now been able to feel better about it, like, okay, well, I am in the right, I can let go of guilt, I can feel okay.
So it's like that. reassurance. But what you'll always want to remember is that every single thing that you're venting about, when you do, if it feels better, that's not a solution. It's a problem. Meaning that it's always going to continue to grow it. even more. And sometimes it's just very hidden as to why it does.
But for whatever reason that is, you'll want to make sure to actually change it. And I do want to unpack this further, but I want to kind of throw one more kind of complex piece in there. And it's this. It's that I work with somebody who is very successful and when we started working together, this person wanted to really take their health, their life, everything, their income, everything to the next level, like their next level of success.
And, she always felt like she would have these moments of venting and blowing up, and it made her feel good, initially. Now, what she didn't realize was this, is that she had a fear of heights. of being even more successful and even more visible, like even more popular, even more seen, you know? And so what happened is that she would get upset and she would feel this huge sense of relief in her life.
Like, Oh, that was good. I got this off my chest and she would experience that. But what was really happening is that she would blow up and get really upset and get mad at people. And she really felt like it was all these people's fault. And she would blow up and, and vent and it would sabotage her success to the next level.
And of course, in her mind, these people were always in the wrong, but ultimately it was her perception and it was her. And so the relief that she had was that. it sabotaged her success because the fear was her becoming more and more successful. And so point being is that if you are feeling relief from venting, you'll really want to have an open mind and you'll want to look at why is that really happening and be honest with yourself and address it, you know, really genuinely transform it.
And so if there is something that you've been venting about regularly, You want to ask yourself a few questions. You want to ask yourself, you know, is this something that I'm regularly doing? And then you also want to ask yourself, you know, is this a pattern you have had? And if so, are you ready to really transform the pattern?
You know, so where you're not going into it over and over again, but you're truly deciding that new way of being. How do you want to be? How do you want to feel? And really creating that. On that note. I want to address something that is so common in our communities. And it's this, it's that, you know, you've probably heard this before where people say, you know, if you have something negative, just go ahead and just sit with it and then it will dissolve from your energy and it will be gone, you know, or if you vent it and you feel relief, then it's gone.
It is gone, but that's not how the brain works. And so just because again, it feels relieving, it doesn't mean it actually is. And unfortunately, a lot of people have a lot of misconceptions about how the brain works. And so the way you want to think about it is like this is think about it. You know, if somebody just sat with the alphabet for a long period of time, would that make the alphabet leave their mind?
Or ingrain in their mind, or also, you know, if somebody vented about the alphabet, would that get the alphabet out of their mind or would it ingrain it further in to their brain? And the answer to both of those is, as you can probably guess, is that it would ingrain it into the brain. And so even if it feels relief for the moment, you know, it doesn't release and replace that neural pathway.
And so what happens is it can just sit there and manifest more and more things, even when you don't realize it. And I see that all of the time where then somebody feels like, Oh, this pattern must be gone. And then it just. pokes its head up a different way in a different form. So people don't necessarily realize the correlation.
And, you know, if I use that common example that I've used, there were, unfortunately, a woman can have a abusive father and leave him and find the abusive boyfriend, boss, spouse, et cetera, et cetera. You know, unfortunately, That pattern just continues. Now that one is a more obvious situation, but all of the time, micro level things, like in very small level things, people will have these patterns that are showing up that they don't understand why, but our lives really are created by our patterns more than people realize so much more than people realize.
And so again, going back to the gift in it. is that what you'll want to remember is that if there's something that you're venting about, make sure to really address it and really change. So that is key. And you don't want to just, you know, avoid it or ignore it or try to bypass it or any of that, but really looking at it.
and transforming it. So that is what you want to do. And his next question, he said, why isn't it the best thing to do? And the reason that venting isn't the best thing to do is because even if it feels good, it's just further reinforcing the pattern. So it can reinforce negativity to it. You know, if somebody's really, really upset, then it's just going to give it even more negative energy or, you know, talking about something and fueling it even more, it's just going to continue to ingrain that neural pathway.
So that's another way of saying it. Or even if it does feel like relief, it's just going to get relief and positive feelings connected to it. even more, so it's just linked up even stronger. And by the way, if you recall on a past episode, there's a woman that I worked with who was very critical of herself.
You know, she'd criticize herself and then she would get some type of affirming compliment. You know, for example, this is a popular one is where somebody might say, Oh, I didn't do a very good job at this. And really what they're wanting is somebody else to say, Yeah, you did. It looks great. Yeah. Or somebody saying, you know, I look so fat in this and somebody else saying, Oh no, you don't.
You look great. And unfortunately what happens is that the brain in that situation goes on autopilot of trying to find everything wrong with the self because then the self gets all of these compliments. So it's like finding all of these problems, this fault finding in self and self deprecation is then linked to positive reward of compliment.
Now, the problem is, is there, I mean, there's several of them. It can lead to health issues. It also, a lot of times keeps somebody from really feeling the level of confidence and success that they want and enjoyment of life and having a great healthy self esteem. And so there are just a lot of things there and note that was linked up to something positive where they feel like they got a compliment.
And so. The same is true with venting. Even if you vent and somebody else says, well, Hey, it's okay. Or don't worry about it. Or you're the one that's right. Or anything like that. it further ingrains the issue. Now, again, of course, I'm not saying to keep everything all bottled up. That's not the goal either.
And so his last question was, what do you recommend instead? And so again, I mean, he literally asked all of the perfect questions. And so. So on that note, as far as what would I recommend, you know, first and foremost, again, you don't want to keep everything bottled up. So transformation is the ultimate answer is, you know, the short answer is to address it and really transform it.
And so what you want to do is you want to notice. why it's there. Number one, ask yourself, is it a pattern? Ask yourself also, is there something that you're getting from it when you do vent? And how is that making you feel? And is that a pattern, meaning is that a pattern maybe of criticizing self or feeling insecure and wanting reassurance or a pattern of feeling guilty and wanting somebody to take your side or whatever it is, then you want to truly transform it.
I mean, even if somebody has a pattern of feeling guilty about things and then having somebody reassure and be on their side, well, instead of going through that process of guilt and then having somebody reassure them. The real transformation is getting rid of that guilt wholeheartedly. And of course, if they are continuing to make some type of mistake to feel guilty for them, really transforming it, you know, changing that.
So just really being real with what's real. transforming whatever is there. And again, keeping in mind, there is an awesome gift. When you change the things that have a lot of energy to them, you know, you change your life. And so that's ultimately what you'll want to do to make changes to your health or make changes to your life and step into your power fully, you know, is make those real changes.
changes. Now, I do want to say though, you know, if you're in a place where you're feeling bottled up, what you could do is vent differently. Now, this isn't optimal, but it could be progress moving forward. And it could be something like this. If you said to somebody, around you, you said, you know what? I've been really feeling upset about this, this, and this, and I'm going to work on it.
I know it's a pattern. I know it's things going on and I just wanted to get that off my chest and I'm going to work on it and I just wanted to get it out and just breathe it out and that's it. And we can move on and moving forward. That's where my energy is right now. And so I'm wanting to just let that go.
And I am going to work on transforming it. So in the future, I'm going to work on feeling this way. Instead, in whatever way that is, meaning that, you know, maybe it starts out as a conscious vent that you're very aware of and that you say, you know, I've had these feelings and I'm going to let them go and I'm really going to transform and this is what I'm going to do now.
moving forward. And so now it goes from like an unproductive event and instead turns into a positive statement to be willing to transform in a new way. And so that would be beautiful. And that can be a healthy and transformative way to step forward. To even step forward into even more of your power. And by the way, when I've done classes and had people do this exact thing where there were people who were very attached to venting, you know, I had them do this very thing.
in the class. And then of course, you know, work on transforming their subconscious mind at a deeper level and getting that new program again. So that's ultimately what you'll want to do in your life is truly be willing to transform these patterns because the reality of it is, is that we are all such amazing beings when we're willing to really make that real change.
At a deeper level. So that is key. And on that note, please do make a point to share this episode, you know, share this episode with somebody you love, somebody you care about, or somebody you don't even know, you know, the more empowered and happy and healthy and loving and positive that everybody is in our world, the better the world will be for all of us.
And so I just love that you are here expanding your mind and your. energy in your consciousness. I just love it. And I look forward to connecting with you on the next episode. I'll see you there.
Thank you for listening to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life. All of the time, people reach out and say how much these episodes have given them hope or touch their heart or help them stay positive in hard times, or even woken them up to a completely new level of awareness. Of how amazing we all really are.
If today's episode touched your heart or expanded your mind in any way, please do me a favor and be sure to share it with those you care about, or those, you know, who really need it as more and more people become empowered, it really will change our world for the better. That is the point. And the power of these demonstrations is to create a radical shift in our world consciousness by showing everyone.
What we are all capable of. And of course, each volunteer will really need to follow through to reinforce their programming, to maintain their results. But the point is for you to see that you really can create rapid results in your health and your life, if you really understand how to use your mind, you're incredible.
And I do want to be clear though, that most people will not get results this fast on their own. I make it look very easy because of the discoveries that I made. You'll want to remember that there's so much more going on in our minds at a deeper level than people realize. That said, if you want to send me any questions or comments, come visit me on my website at brandygillmore.com/podcast. And if you're currently experiencing physical pain and would like to be a volunteer on the show, you can sign up there as well. Lastly, Please remember, if you do have any health issues, you won't want to avoid your doctors. Instead, you'll want to continue seeing them and make it your goal to blow their minds with what you're capable of with your mind.
Thank you.