299: Is Your Illness a Hidden Sabotage Pattern? How Pain Can Be a Message You’re Missing

Welcome to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life.

My name is Brandy Gillmore and after recovering from my own life-changing injury, it’s become my mission to share with others the same discoveries I made that changed my health and my entire life.

Our minds are truly incredible. The placebo is proof of this. Each week I will take this simple awareness to a whole new level. I will even coach live callers to free themselves of physical pain using only their mind. And then I’ll provide you with a combination of practical and spiritual insights that you can use to master your mind, your emotions, and your energy to help you heal your health, yourself, and your life.

Let’s begin.

Opening Reflections

Hello and welcome. It is so wonderful to connect with you. I just love that you are here continuing to expand your mind, your energy, your consciousness, your healing. I just love it and I just love today’s episode for so many reasons.

You know, the insights from today’s episode are things that I have seen impact so many people in their health, their life, their relationship, their happiness. I mean, just it’s like—some of what you’ll see in today’s episode when I’m working with today’s volunteer is just the spiral that can happen around illness and around pain that can keep you stuck and that can actually affect every part of your life—from your work to your family to your connections to your relationship, just literally everything.

But what’s also really, really beautiful is that you can also see the message of change that your body’s giving you, meaning that even as I work with today’s volunteer friend—I mean, she’s just, she’s brilliant. You’re just absolutely going to love her. But as the session unfolds, you’ll notice what you’ll notice is:

• There’s a lot of resistance to change, a ton of resistance to change. 
• But you’ll also notice at the end how she sees the message—like she sees things in a different way and she sees the importance of the change.

That’s one of the things that I really love about the awareness. You know, if we think about big picture, we’ve all heard the phrase before: “listen to your body,” but what we don’t realize in our culture is that illness is our body’s way of giving us a message to change.

It’s like what I call, you know, the spiritual check engine light, if you will. You know, that check engine light that says, “Hey, something’s wrong.” It’s like on a car—if the check engine light is on, you know that something is wrong with the car. And similarly, if we have illness, disease, pain, hardship, whatever it is, it is a message for us to change something inside of us.

So that’s one of the things that I just really love about today’s episode: the message is so clear. And also, you can see how a person can get caught in the spiral of pain and illness and how it can continue to sabotage and really create a spiral in a negative direction as well.

When we end up in pain and illness, there are crossroads. Sometimes things can get better—a lot better—or things could continue to get worse or a lot worse. And I guess today’s episode also really highlights that trajectory as well—of what that looks like.

And so you’ll see what I mean as we dive in. So on that note, let’s go ahead and dive in.

The Session Begins with Fran

Again, our volunteer—she just has the biggest heart. I just absolutely love her. Her name is Fran, and let’s go ahead and dive in. Here we go.

Brandy: Hello. Hello, Fran.
Fran: Brandy.
Brandy: Hi, it’s wonderful to connect with you, beautiful.
Fran: Thank you so much. I’m so—oh my god. I can’t believe I’m seeing you live. I’m so happy to see you.
Brandy: Likewise, beautiful. It’s so wonderful to connect with you. And you have a beautiful smile. You ready to do this?
Fran: Yeah. I’m sorry, I’m so excited. You’re beautiful.
Brandy: All right, so what can I help you with today?

Fran’s Health Story

Fran: Well, Brandy, since before March, I was your regular person, would go to work, come back home, everything was okay. And then I started having pelvic pain. And this pelvic pain took me two years—around five times, see, in the last few months. And I’ve been living with this pain, and sometimes I have flares, and I had like all kind of exams done—urine, ultrasound, MRI.

I think I’m not missing it. And there is not a clear reason why. They found some fibroids, but they are not big enough to be causing so much pain.

And I was put on antibiotics, even if I had no signs of infection, and it made the symptoms worse. So I’ve been like dealing with this pain that I don’t understand and the doctors…

So because I don’t understand what’s happening, I don’t know what path to take. So it’s been a really, really difficult few months and my life completely changed. And I don’t know what to do. And then I was checking videos and then I followed on your TED talk and I was like so hopeful that you might be able to give me some light and some help here.

Brandy: Okay, so let’s step in and do that. I understand and I get it, and let’s dive in. If I ask you right now, currently, what is your current level of pain right now?

Fran: At this moment, I’m in a three. It’s one of the good days. Bad days go to seven, nine. Yeah, it’s a nine, yeah.

Brandy: So give me one second. Give me one second and… bingo. Okay, so I see the person and I can’t tell who that is. Give me one second.

Brandy: Bingo. Can you give me your mom’s first initial please?

Fran: Okay.

Brandy: And it’s not… I’m trying to figure out who this person is. Do you have children?

Fran: No, I don’t.

Brandy: Okay. And are you in a relationship?

Fran: I am.

Brandy: Okay, so that might be… Can I ask you your partner’s first initial, please?

Fran: Okay.

Brandy: Bingo. Okay, there we… bingo and bingo. There’s a feeling of feeling pissed off in your relationship. Are you familiar with that feeling?

Fran: Yes, a little bit. I’ve been a little bit frustrated. I know he’s trying to support me, but sometimes he like so—he froze and sometimes doesn’t know what to do, and he’s been a little bit hard on me and my feelings about all this.

Brandy: Okay, so I’m going to ask you to breathe.
Bingo. Okay, and if I ask you actually through the holidays, how you guys did throughout the holidays, what would you say?

Fran: Through the holidays, we went traveling, we were in Mexico, and I actually got a bad food poisoning. And while I was dealing with the symptoms, he wouldn’t be super early enough. And he said that was a nightmare and I felt so lonely and so abandoned because I wasn’t really feeling well and then we had a discussion about this.

And it’s been a discussion ever since—that whenever I’m okay, we’re like kind of this perfect couple that don’t fight and have a good life. But when I’m in trouble, I feel like he just separates himself from that.

Brandy: Okay, and notice for a moment. So notice—even when I came into your energy, that’s… I was looking for a relationship, but it feels like that feeling of separation, like that distance—and you even said the word, kind of feeling like he abandoned you in that.

So I’m going to ask you to breathe.
Bingo.

Tracing the Emotional Trigger

Brandy: And I want you to notice—so notice this pain that you’ve been having has been since around February, correct?

Fran: March, yes. March.

Brandy: Okay. So the trigger I see was the trip to Mexico and the food poisoning and that’s where like there was a big—it feels like a big kind of explosion in your relationship, if you will. Can you see that?

Fran: Yeah. Yeah. I felt something like everything was well, but then I saw this was not… I felt really, really bad about it, really abandoned. And I don’t have much support from my family. And I depend so much on my spouse’s support that I felt really, really lonely. And it’s been the same since I got this pelvic pain.

Brandy: Bingo. Okay. And—bingo—and that’s the other thing is—bingo—that’s the other piece.

Brandy: Your family is in Mexico, is that correct?

Fran: No, they are from South America. Yes, but they are in Colombia. I’m Colombian.

Brandy: Okay, so when you went to Mexico, who were you going there to see?

Fran: I was just for…

Brandy: Yeah, okay. So…

Fran: Vacation.

Brandy: And what nationality is your partner?

Fran: He’s French.

Brandy: And when you went to Mexico, if I ask you how much you felt connected to the culture, what would you say?

Fran: Yeah, I do feel connection with Mexican culture, because it’s a Latino culture and yes.

Brandy: And if I ask you how much it also kind of made you miss the Latino culture, what would you say?

Fran: I would say yes. Yes, I missed the kindness, the warmth and yeah.

Brandy: Bingo. So what I also see happening is when you went to Mexico—that’s why I said your family must be in Mexico—’cause there is that feeling of kindness, of warmth. So it’s like you felt like a cultural feeling of family connection type of feeling, if you will.

So if I ask you how well you have that around your house and in your life, that feeling of cultural connection, what would you say?

Fran: I’d say I have none at this moment because I live in Canada, away from my family.
My family in the distance, they can’t really support me. Right now they have a lot of problems going for themselves.

Brandy: Okay, but notice for a moment, how much you’re wanting to say, “Hey, I’m sick and I’m wanting support. And hey, I’m sick and I’m wanting…” But what if you’re happy and you’re just wanting celebration, and you’re happy and you’re wanting celebration? Like why—why do you have it so linked up?

If I said, “Oh, I’m sick, so I need friends now. I’m sick, I need friends now.”
But what if I’m just happy and I want friends now?

Fran: Yeah.
Brandy: Yeah, yeah, I see what you’re saying.
Brandy: Great. So I’m going to ask you to breathe.

The Link Between Illness and Connection

Brandy: All right, so let’s go ahead and pause it just for a quick moment.

First and foremost, I just love her. I love her self-awareness. I love her self-honesty. Just really beautiful. And notice for a moment that what I’m seeing as an issue, she’s not yet seeing as an issue—but it’s coming. She’s starting to.

But basically what you want to know is this:

If you feel like you deserve something for illness, then your body is going to want to keep illness.
It gets linked up in the mind.

So when we link things deeper in the mind to illness, it becomes a problem. You may have heard me even on past episodes where I talk about this, and I say that even what can happen is love can get linked to illness, and that can create a problem—and not intentionally.

You know, if you imagine for a moment a three-year-old, who falls and has an owie. And then a loving adult comes by and says, “Oh, let me go ahead and kiss your owie,” right? Let me kiss your owie.

What happens in that moment is that love can get linked up to owie.
And then a person then can feel like they deserve love for an owie and that gets linked up in the subconscious mind. And I see it all of the time.

So a variety of different things can get linked up. And once that happens, a person feels like they deserve support for this, for this… and then it gets linked up.

And of course, once it’s linked up in the mind, the mind doesn’t want to let it go.
And so that’s where we’re going.

You’ll notice, by the way, there’s a lot of stuckness regarding this topic—but also some other key patterns that are showing up that are really also sabotaging where she’s at in life.

So that’s where we’re going as we step back in with our beautiful volunteer.
Here we go.

Identifying the Pattern of Loneliness

Brandy: And what does it look like? So notice how you keep saying you feel so lonely, right?

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: Well, maybe you should change that. What would happen if you started creating connection with people around you—whether they’re French or German, or Canadian, or American, or anything? What does that look like?

Fran: Yeah, that’s what I want the most at this moment.

Brandy: Great.

Fran: The pain has stopped me a little bit.

Brandy: Wait a second. Wait a sec. Wait a sec.
How long have you lived in Canada for?

Fran: About 10 years.

Brandy: So the pain in the last three months has stopped you from creating connection for the last 10 years?

Fran: No, not for the last 10 years, just for the last months. But yeah, I have to say that I’ve been isolated a little because of work, because I haven’t worked on creating relationships. And I moved a lot before—I used to live in Quebec and then I moved to Toronto. So it’s been difficult to create relations. And I know I could have made more efforts on that side.

Brandy: So I’m going to ask you to breathe.
So besides the illness and the sickness and the pain and the blah, blah, blah—besides all of that—were you also feeling lonely before that?

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: Yes, right? Yes, yes.

Fran: Absolutely.

What Changed After Mexico?

Brandy: And so part of what I see is you went to Mexico and then you felt like, oh, like culture, love, sweetness, right? Okay.

And if I ask you zero to ten, how much you experienced the feeling of culture and connection and sweetness, what would you say?

Fran: Right now?

Brandy: In Mexico, when you went to Mexico.

Fran: Yeah, in Mexico, I feel a lot more that culture, that Latin culture, that… Yes.

Brandy: Zero to ten?

Fran: Eight.

Brandy: Okay. So let me reflect this to you.
Okay. So:

• I’ve been feeling lonely and lonely and lonely and lonely.
• By the way, I went to Mexico and I felt a warmth and a love and a connection and all of this.
• And then by the way, I came back and I felt lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely.

So notice for a moment. And then what you’re saying also was, you’re saying, “Well, but I’m sick so I need people to support me.”
Yeah, I think that a lot.

So what if I said, “Well, I have a broken finger, so now I need people to support me.”
What if—no broken finger—like, why is it?

What if you’re just happy and healthy and fantastic?

Fran: Yeah, I think for a long time, I guess my life was okay, and I was the person who would give support, because I support a lot…

Brandy: A second, wait a second.
If I said, “Everybody should love me because I have a cat,” okay?

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: “Everybody should love me because I have a cat.”
What if I have no cat?

Fran: Well, you would think that nobody should love you.

Brandy: Oh, so if I said, “Everybody should love me because I have illness,” what do I then think if I have no illness?

Fran: Then nobody should love you, yes.

Brandy: And I said, “No, no, no, no, no, no, no. But I give them love and I support them because they have issues.”
What if they don’t have issues either?

Fran: Well, in my case, I feel like I’m always there, whether they have issues or not.

Brandy: No, don’t mention the cat.
Make friendships with no problems.

Fran: Okay. Okay. I see.

Brandy: Can you do it?

Fran: Yes. And it should have being like that, actually. I realize that I should have.

Brandy: So I’m gonna ask you to breathe.

The Resistance to Change

All right, so let’s go ahead and pause it just for a quick moment.

First and foremost, I just love her. I absolutely love her.
I love her self-awareness.

And also notice, though, she does have a lot of resistance to change.

And this can be one of the parts that can make healing hardest—because a lot of times, when we see things in a certain way and we’ve been raised a certain way or we believe a certain way, a person can be adamant about that very thing. And so it kind of keeps them thinking in that same way.

But of course, creating that real transformation is key. And so just food for thought—if you’ve had a lot of resistance to change—ultimately, of course, embracing a real transformation is key to get real results.

And so, that’s where we’re going as we step back in with our beautiful volunteer, Fran.

Here we go.

Reimagining Connection Beyond Illness

Brandy: So you could have plenty of relationships in connection with no health issue?
Fran: I could have.

Brandy: So when you went to Mexico, by the way, and you connected with people, was it because you were sick or because you connected with a lot of nice people?
Fran: I just connected with them.

Brandy: Okay, great. So I’m going to ask you to breathe—and I want you to notice: you don’t need illness to connect with people, right?
Fran: Right, 100%.

Brandy: So you could just connect with people with fun, with laughter, with happiness, with celebration, with una fiesta, and having a good time, right?
Fran: Absolutely.

Brandy: But you can connect all kinds of ways in positive ways, right?
Fran: Right.

Brandy: Now I’m going to ask you to breathe and invite you to stop being upset with your partner for a moment. Would you call him your husband or your partner?
Fran: Partner. I like that more.

Brandy: Great. So I’m going to ask you to breathe, and just for a moment, stop being upset at all—because when everything is great, how well do you guys connect?
Fran: Really good.

Brandy: And how well do you laugh?
Fran: Really good.

Brandy: And how long have you been in partnership?
Fran: Almost 10 years. We met in Quebec.

Brandy: Okay. And is he a pretty good partner?
Fran: He is.

Brandy: So I’m going to ask you to breathe: are you sure you want to be mad at him and criticize him and get upset at him?
Fran: No.

Brandy: Well, it’s his fault you’re in pain, right?
Fran: No, it’s not his fault.

Brandy: So could you be done being mad at him?
Fran: I definitely can.

Brandy: Really?
Fran: Yes.

Brandy: Great. So I’m going to ask you to breathe. Bingo. And I want you to notice your level of pain—what’s your level from zero to ten?
Fran: I’m around a two right now.

Brandy: Great. So I’m going to ask you to breathe and notice how you’ve been telling yourself that you’re all alone, that he’s not there for you, nobody’s there, he’s abandoned you—but he actually didn’t.
Fran: Yes.

Brandy: You’re telling yourself that he did, but he actually didn’t.
Fran: Yes.

Brandy: He loves you for you, right?
Fran: He does.

Brandy: Could it be okay that he only loves you for you?
Fran: That’s perfect.

Brandy: What if he doesn’t love the illness more than you?
Fran: That’s how it has to be.

Brandy: Oh, great—so he loves the real you, the personality. When you’re showing up and being you, he’s really attracted to that?
Fran: Yes. That’s horrible!

Brandy (laughing): Someone asked you to breathe. Bingo. Yes. Great. So I’m going to ask you to breathe and to get love and connection—like in Mexico—instead of saying, “Oh, I need love and connection for illness,” that you say, “Okay, I get love and connection for actually happiness and being alive, and just changing some habits and patterns.”
Fran: Right.

Brandy: Great. So I’m going to ask you to breathe. Bingo, bingo.

Seeing the Impact of Thought Patterns

Brandy: Now I want you to notice your level of pain—what’s your level?
Fran: Still some discomfort—probably a one now.

Brandy: So about a point eight—so under one. And if I ask you how much your partner’s just been really mean to you?
Fran: Not as much as I’ve been thinking he is.

Brandy: He’s been screaming at you?
Fran: No.

Brandy: Hitting you?
Fran: No.

Brandy: Abandoning you and not coming home?
Fran: No.

Brandy: What is he doing that’s so mean?
Fran: He just freezes and doesn’t talk.

Brandy: Oh my gosh—if he was somebody shy, that would make sense, but he’s really outgoing, right?
Fran: You’re right.

Brandy: But how much would you say he’s kind of shy?
Fran: He’s not shy with me—I’d say he’s not really social in general.

Brandy: So he’s freezing. Why is he freezing?
Fran: It’s difficult for him—he’s losing his partner.

Brandy: Well, have you been the same?
Fran: No, I haven’t.

Brandy: If he suddenly changed tomorrow, how would you feel?
Fran: I would feel strange—not excited.

Brandy: Do you want him to show up perfect? Now, if for a few months he was behaving completely different than what you were used to—you’d be fine with that?
Fran: No, it would be difficult for me.

Brandy: So his reaction is normal. He gets to have emotions, too. Right?
Fran: Yes.

Brandy: And how much do you want to be mad at him?
Fran: (pauses) I don’t want to be mad at him.

Brandy: Well, your thoughts help create your life, right?
Fran: Yes.

Brandy: Repeat after me: “My partner has abandoned me.”
Fran: My partner has abandoned me.

Brandy: Are you sure you want to create that?
Fran: No, it feels horrible.

Brandy: If your thoughts create your life, I’d stop telling yourself that. It’s making you feel fearful and putting a big gap between you two. Are you sure you want that?
Fran: No.

Recognizing the Spiral of Self-Sabotage

Brandy: Where does that go? Where does that manifest? Are you sure you want to do that?
Fran: No, I don’t want to keep telling that. And I noticed now that I’ve been saying that also about my family—my mother, my brothers, and…

Brandy: They all abandoned you, right?
Fran: They left Colombia.

Brandy: Wait—who left Colombia?
Fran: I left Colombia.

Brandy: And where do they live?
Fran: In Colombia.

Brandy: And they abandoned you?
Fran: No, I kind of abandoned them. But I didn’t—but I promised. I tried to stay in touch. I listened to them. That’s where I felt there was a sense of—it’s not fair, because I keep my problems so I don’t bother them with my problems.

Brandy: But instead of keeping your problems or bothering them with your problems, I have a third option—which is: get rid of your problems.
Fran: Yeah, sounds easy.

Brandy: Okay. So I’m going to ask you to breathe. And if I told you that I’m telling myself right now that I’m being chased by an alligator—and I’m not being chased by an alligator, but I’m telling myself that—I’m being chased by an alligator… how do you think my nervous system feels?

Fran: Irritated.
Brandy: Irritated?
Fran: Stress, fearful.

Brandy: So you’re telling yourself you’re abandoned by your partner—and when is the next time you think you’re gonna see your partner?
Fran: Like this afternoon, when he comes back.

Brandy: Oh, that sounds like an extreme abandonment. Are you okay?
Fran: I would be okay.

Brandy: Thank you for letting me push and be silly—and thank you for your sense of humor. Brilliant. Perfect. So I’m going to ask you to breathe—and I want you to notice your level of pain. 0–10, what’s your level?
Fran: I mean, not two. It definitely decreased.

Brandy: Okay. So I’m going to ask you to breathe.

Understanding Emotional Triggers

Brandy (Narration): All right, so let’s go ahead and pause it just for a quick moment.

You know, again—I just love her. I love her. I adore her. She’s just a beautiful, beautiful being. And I also adore just her strength. You can tell she’s a very strong, determined woman, and it’s just beautiful. Just beautiful heart, beautiful desire for love.

And also—notice for a moment—with that level of strength as well, when she’s telling herself stuff, there’s a fuel to it—like an anger toward—and that’s the problem. That we can also, if we’re upset about something or angry about something or adamant about something, of course it can trigger yourself. You can trigger yourself.

And that’s exactly what’s going on.

It’s like, if you tell yourself you’re being chased by an alligator, you’re going to feel fearful.
And if you tell yourself everybody’s abandoning you—and they’re not—but if you tell yourself you’re unloved or everybody’s abandoning you or you’re not safe or all of these things, it just becomes more and more and more triggering.

And you can see the spiral begin to happen.

That’s what can happen: it can manifest that very thing, because then there’s a disconnect in the relationship or an upset or a hurt. And—notice—that can then unfold and create a bigger and bigger and bigger problem.

So when I mentioned in the beginning where illness can create a spiral, it absolutely can.

And by the way, in my own life, it did—in my situation, you know—but in a different way. But in so many ways, where it couldn’t work, and it just—it’s like you go further and further down that hole of illness and problems and disconnect and hurt and etc.

So, of course, getting out of that is key.
And so that’s where we’re going as we step back in with our beautiful volunteer, Fran.

Here we go.

Calling Out the Disconnection Story

Brandy: Now, I want you to notice the part of you that is telling yourself that there’s nobody to connect with in Canada. Can you see that?

Fran: Yes, I think so. Yeah, I mean…

Brandy: Canadians—you can’t connect with a Canadian. They don’t even have a heart.
By the way, your partner is from where?

Fran: From France.

Brandy: From France. Okay.
And—bingo—you know how, like, you can’t even connect with Canadians at all, right? They’re not even real people.
They’re like, “This is not a real country.”

Except for the fact that I have friends that are from Canada, and they’re wonderful.
But other than that, yeah.

So I’m going to ask you to breathe.
Bingo.

Dismantling the Belief: “I Can’t Connect Here”

Brandy: Gosh, so if I went to Mexico, I would never be able to connect with Mexicans, right?

Fran: [Laughs] The opposite.

Brandy: The opposite.

Fran: Yeah, right? I love Mexico. And every time I go, I connect. But I love Canada, and I go and connect with people in Canada too. And I have Canadian friends, and I have Mexican. Why can’t you connect with people in Canada?

Fran: Mostly because I haven’t really taken the time to do so.

Brandy: Well said. I love that. But notice how you’re telling yourself it’s not possible.

Fran: You’re right.

Brandy: Yeah, and I would say that’s not true. I would say you have a very charming, wonderful sense of humor and a personality that you could connect with anybody if you really wanted to. Am I right?

Fran: Yes, yes. I actually find it easy to talk to people, but I haven’t been very good on keeping those relationships—like building them.

Brandy: Yes. So, yeah. So maybe you should change that habit.

Fran: Yeah.

Brandy: Okay. Great. So by the way, if I ask you how good you are professionally at building your career, what would you say?

Fran: I’d say I’m pretty good. I’m very committed to it.

Brandy: Exactly. Now I have a question—have you ever heard of people who are not good at building a career?

Fran: Yes, I heard.

Brandy: Yeah, there are people who are not very good at building a career.
Now, would you say it’s impossible for them to do?
Or if they just change their mindset and change their actions, they could build a career?

Fran: Definitely.

Brandy: Exactly. They absolutely could. Anybody can—if they change their mindset and they change their actions.
Anybody can build a career.

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: Well, if you change your mindset and you change your actions, you could build relationships too, right?

Fran: Right, right.

Brandy: But you have to want to.

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: Great. So I’m gonna ask you to breathe.

Dependency Through Illness vs. Connection Through Joy

Brandy: And notice how you keep going over and over and over: “But I’m there for those people, and I want them to be there for me for sickness…”

It’s like, imagine for a moment if you could only connect with people over tequila.
That is the only way you can connect with people.
How much would you need to drink?

Fran: A lot.

Brandy: Okay. So if you can only connect with people over drugs—how much would you need to do drugs?

Fran: A lot of drugs.

Brandy: So notice—you’re like, “I support them, and then I need them to support me…” So you can only connect with people through problems?

Fran: No, it shouldn’t be like that at all.

Brandy: Okay, great. So I’m going to ask you to breathe.

So you realize: you don’t need health issues to be able to connect with people, right?

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: You don’t need them at all to connect with people, right?

Fran: I realize that, yes.

Brandy: Great. So I’m gonna ask you to breathe.

And I want you to notice there’s a problem here.
You see how your partner only loves you for you and not the illness? Like—it’s like, “Darn it, he only loves you for you, and he’s not giving a bunch of love to you for illness.”

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: What a bummer, right?
I mean, wouldn’t it be better if he loved the illness more than you?

Fran: [Laughs] I know.

Brandy: But he’s only good at just loving you for you.

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: What a loser.

Fran: Oh my god.

Brandy: It’s so annoying that he doesn’t love you more if you’re ill.

And he just loves you for you.
Sounds like you got a real loser of a partner.

Fran: I know. Oh my god, I’m realizing that yeah, he’s—he’s actually wonderful. And I’ve been… I’ve been being hard on him too.

Brandy: So I’m gonna ask you to breathe.
Could it be okay that he only loves you for you? Is that okay?

Fran: That’s perfect.

Brandy: But what if he doesn’t love the illness more than you?

Fran: That’s how it has to be. That’s how it’s supposed to be.

Brandy: Oh, great. So he loves the real you—the personality. When you’re showing up and being you, he’s actually really attracted to that?

Fran: Yes. He loves that.

Brandy: That’s horrible.

Fran: [Laughs]

Brandy: So I’m going to ask you to breathe.
Bingo.

The Shift: Creating Connection Through Joy

Brandy: Great. So, I’m going to ask you to breathe and—to get love and connection, like in Mexico—that instead of saying,
“Oh, I need love and connection for illness,” that you say,
“Okay, I get love and connection for actually happiness and being alive and just changing some habits and patterns.”
Right?

Fran: Right.

Brandy: Great. So I’m going to ask you to breathe.
Bingo.
Bingo.

Brandy: Great. Now I want you to notice your level of pain. What’s your level? Zero to ten?

Fran: Still feel some discomfort. Probably a one now. That’s what I would say.

Brandy: Got about a point—about a point eight. So I have a right under one. And give me one second.

Brandy: Okay, and if I ask you, how much you would say your partner’s just been really mean to you?

Fran: Not as much as I’ve been thinking he is. It’s just in certain exact moments.

Brandy: Okay. So he’s been screaming at you?

Fran: No.

Brandy: So he’s been hitting you?

Fran: No.

Brandy: So he’s been abandoning you and not coming home?

Fran: No.

Brandy: So what is he doing that’s so mean?

Fran: He just freezes and doesn’t talk.

Brandy: He freezes and doesn’t talk?

Fran: Freezes and doesn’t talk.

Brandy: Oh my gosh.

If he was somebody who was shy, that would make sense—but he’s not, he’s really, really outgoing, right?

Fran: You’re—you’re right.

Brandy: But how much would you say he’s kind of shy?

Fran: Um, well, I can say he’s not shy with me. He’s in general not really social, I would say.

Brandy: Okay, so he’s freezing. Why is he freezing?

Fran: I guess it’s difficult for him—what I’m going through.

Brandy: Oh, so he feels like he’s losing his partner?

Fran: Maybe.

Brandy: Well, have you been the same?

Fran: No, I haven’t been the same.

Brandy: Okay, so if he suddenly changed tomorrow, how would you feel?

Fran: I would feel strange.

Brandy: You wouldn’t be excited?

Fran: No.

Brandy: Do you want him to show up perfect? Now, by the way, if for a few months he was just being completely different than what you were used to, you would be fine with that, right?

Fran: No, it would be—it would be difficult for me, of course.

Brandy: Oh, so if you were freezing and quiet a bit, that would be a normal reaction.

Oh, so he gets to have emotions too?

Fran: Yes. Wow.

The Projection of Abandonment

Brandy: And how much do you want to be mad at him? And by the way, if I ask you, how much have you been angry with him since the holidays—since Mexico?

Fran: Since Mexico. Something changed for me, because—and I thought we were in a perfect—or almost perfect—relationship. But then I saw about, what about when I’m sick? Why does he change so much?

Brandy: Because he doesn’t know how to handle it.

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: So you went from being perfect to then being angry with him because he’s not handling you being sick, perfect.

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: And he’s abandoning you because he’s not even coming home anymore—except for at noon, this afternoon, today, and tomorrow, and every day, and the next day, and the next day, okay?

So let’s say he gets sick and then he’s mad at you only like at a level 10, and then he’s telling you that you abandoned him, and he’s angry at you on the inside and something changed on the inside, and he just wants you to show up and be the same and should be so loving and caring and sweet.

And by the way, I’m going to ask you to picture—he’s angry with you, just mere level 10. And he keeps telling himself that you’ve abandoned him. How much do you feel like giving him a big hug? Keep in mind, he is angry at you at a level 10.

Fran: Not really.

Brandy: So are you sure it’s the illness or is it also the attitude?

Fran: Yeah, there’s the attitude, of course.

Brandy: Okay, so if he was angry with you at a level 10 but he was hiding it, you probably wouldn’t even notice, right?

Fran: No, I would really notice, yeah.

Brandy: Oh, so basically you’ve been angry with him since Mexico, since the holidays, and he probably doesn’t even feel it at all. I mean, he is kind of dumb, right?

Fran: [Laughs]

Brandy: Yeah, so I’m gonna ask you to breathe.

So basically what you’re saying is, you went from feeling like you had the perfect relationship, and now you’re sabotaging that.

Fran: Yes.
I know.

Facing the Reality: Sabotaging a Loving Relationship

Brandy: Okay. So how much longer do you want to be angry with him?

Fran: I don’t want to be angry with him.

Brandy: Well, how much longer do you want to tell yourself he’s abandoned you and that he needs to love your illness?

Fran: No, I don’t.

Brandy: No, that’s been the whole problem. He has not loved your illness enough. That’s why you’re angry with him, right?

Fran: Oh, yeah, kind of.

Brandy: Okay. So I’m going to ask you to breathe.
Bingo.
The story in your head is a really interesting story.

Fran: It is.

Brandy: So I’m going to ask you to breathe. And I want you to notice how much you’ve told yourself that your family abandoned you.

Zero to ten?

Fran: Ten.

Brandy: Uh-huh. Because they moved away to where?

Fran: Okay, you don’t have to move to abandon something.

Brandy: I agree. You could come home every day even.
Gotcha. Gotcha.
And I’m going to ask you to breathe.

Brandy: And when is your birthday, by the way? What month?

Fran: November.

Brandy: Okay. And—bingo.
And what did you guys do for Valentine’s Day, by the way?

Fran: We usually go to a restaurant and have a nice dinner. But this year—

Brandy: —he abandoned you, and so you were there by yourself, right?

Fran: No, no.

Brandy: Oh, it’s a different type.
So it’s a different type of abandonment for Valentine’s Day?

Fran: No, actually it was a really good Valentine’s week. We traveled, actually, this year, so the dinner was in another country.

Brandy: Oh, that’s horrible. He sounds like a real loser. I mean he sounds… he wasn’t very sweet obviously, right?

Fran: He’s the sweetest.

Brandy: Okay. But you’re angry because he doesn’t love your illness.
Something changed in Mexico because of that.
Yeah, doesn’t matter if Valentine’s Day was perfect. It doesn’t even matter.

Fran: [laughing] Yeah.

Brandy: He abandoned you. I get it. He doesn’t have to move away to abandon you like that.

Fran: Yeah, you’re right.

Brandy: No, no. But you think about it for a moment.
He’s been quiet…

Fran: Yes. And angry with him.

Brandy: Yeah. Do you think I’m angry all the time?

Fran: But I guess I projected something… like that wasn’t.

Unpacking the Projection and Ownership

Brandy: Okay. So you went from feeling like the perfect couple—

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: —to feeling angry with him.

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: And I’m sure he hasn’t even noticed it. He’s dense like that.

Fran: [Laughs]

Brandy: And—sorry partner, just joking—so I’m going to ask you to breathe.
So when you look at it, if you’re just looking at it with honest truth:
Honestly, how much would you say he’s abandoned you?

Fran: Not at all.
He just had difficult moments, but he’s not abandoned me.

Brandy: Okay, so he’s allowed to have emotions too?

Fran: Absolutely.

Brandy: Now I have a question. How much would you say you have changed in this whole pain and sickness and all of that?

Fran: I changed a lot.

Brandy: So who abandoned who more?

Fran: I abandoned him more.

Brandy: Oh, yes.
Okay. So are you ready to actually start showing up to the relationship and being you?

Fran: Yes. Beautiful. I have all my willingness.

Brandy: Great. So I’m going to ask you to breathe.
Bingo.
I want you to notice your level of pain. What’s your level? Zero to ten?

Fran: One.

Brandy: Bingo.
Give me one second.

Recognizing the True Cause of Pain

Brandy (Narration): All right, so let’s go ahead and pause it just for a quick moment.

First and foremost, I just—I love her. I love her. I love her. She’s just beautiful. She’s lovely. I love how loving her heart is. And it’s very, very beautiful.

And also, as you can tell, there’s a lot of feelings of hurt and of disconnect. And I want to just take a moment to really look at the big picture.

You know, when you stop and think about it, a lot of times people think that illness is caused by trauma, but technically what really started it in her case was this feeling of feeling very, very loved and connected, where she went from feeling like she had the perfect relationship over Christmas and then the community and the connectedness in Mexico—when it was all really, really, really, really great—and then feeling like she didn’t have that, and then feeling angry about it and upset. And that juxtaposition of that.

And so it’s that feeling—because when you stop and think about it for a moment, that feeling of the juxtaposition, if you will—you know, her and her partner have been together for 10 years. So his behavior and the way he’s being isn’t new towards illness. It’s just this feeling of feeling like suddenly she got all of this love and connection and then feeling like she wants that from her partner in a different way, but for illness, etc.

So it’s that feeling of feeling like she deserved it and she really wanted it and she’s supposed to get it for illness. And notice how she keeps going back to that. She keeps going back to:
“But I’m supposed to get it for illness. And then I do it for him. And then he’s supposed to do this for me…”

So she has all of these beliefs in her mind, but the problem is, it is like there’s the combination of emotions.

So in a bigger picture, she has a pattern of telling herself:
“My family abandoned me. They abandoned me.”
So, people abandon her. So it’s like this feeling of telling herself this and then creating the spiral in the disconnect.

And so the problem is—it’s like this combination of emotions, partly because she’s feeling lonely, but partly because she has a pattern of telling herself she’s abandoned, partly—and so there’s this feeling and then all this anger against him, and so it’s getting her caught in this spiral of things.

And of course, if you’ve ever tried to love somebody or be really loving with somebody who’s really angry at you, it’s—it’s odd. And especially for what? And it just becomes this whole spiral.

And so getting yourself out of the spiral—so if you’re somebody who’s been stuck in anger or upset with somebody or holding something against somebody, you see what happens is that it can just continue to deteriorate the relationship.

And that’s a big part of the message that’s happening.

So notice, by the way, notice that the issue—the trigger—started over the holidays, but she didn’t actually get this pain until March. And so it was a few months later. And so it’s that—the story in her head, the emotions, the upset that she’s holding on to—even though they had an amazing Valentine’s Day and connection and love and sweetness, she’s still holding on to that, and it’s creating that spiral and that disconnect.

The Body’s Message

And so what I love coming up is she sees it more and more and more, and even at the end she’s going,
“Oh my gosh,”—she’s so grateful for the message.

And that’s again one of the things that I love about learning to listen to our bodies and what’s really going on at a subconscious level, and understanding the mind-body connection, is that:

Every illness, pain, problem—whatever it is—is giving us a message to change.

And you see that as things continue to unfold.

And so I just—I love her awareness and I love the message in this that it’s giving her.

And so that’s where we’re going as we step back in with beautiful Fran.

Here we go.

Letting Go of Invisible Rules

Brandy: Okay, so—I’m gonna ask you to breathe, and I want you to notice the voice inside your head that is still saying like,
“He’s supposed to do this, and he’s supposed to do this, and he’s supposed to do that.”
Can you see that?

Fran: Yes, I can see it.

Brandy: And does he have the same manual that you do? In other words, did you ever tell him he was supposed to do all those things?

Fran: Not really.

Brandy: Did he ever agree to do all of those things?

Fran: No.

Brandy: Okay. So if he said that from now on, if he has a cold, you’re supposed to go play basketball, okay?
That’s his rule.

Fran: Okay.

Brandy: If he has a cold, you go play basketball.

Fran: Okay.

Brandy: Is that an agreement?

Fran: Yeah.

Brandy: Well, if he’s mad at you because he didn’t tell you you’re supposed to do it—you didn’t agree to doing it—but that’s now his rule…

So you have all these rules.
What is he supposed to be doing that he’s not doing?

Fran: Well, I guess I was expecting him to be more caring about me.

Brandy: Like what?

Fran: Make me feel love like he usually do.

Brandy: Okay, but wait a second…

Fran: I’m not feeling well.

Brandy: But wait a second—are you being loving?

Fran: I am. I am, Brandy. I am. I can say that.

Brandy: Okay. Now I have a question.
You also said something changed in Mexico, right?

Fran: Yes, that’s true. That’s true as well.

Brandy: So which one is true? You’re the same—or something changed inside of him in Mexico? Or something changed inside of you in Mexico?

Fran: I—I… something changed for me after that Mexico episode for sure. But I am always loving with him, I always care for him, I always try to do the best for him.

Brandy: Okay.
Bingo.
And so I’m going to ask you to close your eyes.

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: And if I ask you, if I check your energy, your average level of anger and feeling alone and abandoned by him in a week—zero to ten—what’s the level?
(Remember, I can see your energy.)

Fran: Seven.

Brandy: I would have said nine, but we’ll go with your seven. Okay, we’ll go with your seven.

So I want you to picture: for the next month, he’s angry with you at an average of a level seven.
And notice how it makes you want to be so loving with him.
Now how loving does it make you want to be?
Or would it make you want to shut down a little bit?

Fran: Oh, I would shut down a little bit.

Brandy: Oh, but he’s not allowed to, because you’re saying, “I’m just being loving.”

Fran: Yeah.

Brandy: But he is supposed to be beyond perfect in that—even if you’re mad at him at a level seven—he is supposed to cater to you and be super loving to your every need. Correct?
I’m just making sure I’m getting the rules.

Fran: Incorrect.

Understanding What You’re Really Asking For

Brandy: Okay. So if he’s mad at you at a level seven for the next week, how do you respond?

Fran: Yeah, it would be weird. I couldn’t be as loving as I usually would be.

Brandy: Oh, so what you’re saying is—he doesn’t feel like he’s been as close and he’s been more shut down?

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: That’s so weird. I wonder why.
Okay, but he’s not following all your rules, and you’re still mad at him though, right?

Fran: No, I don’t want to be.

Brandy: So I have a question—you say that he’s not understanding you.
But the truth of it is, are you understanding him?
Are you understanding the energy that you’re putting out in your relationship with him that is pushing him away?

Fran: Of course, he’s not being his love—like, you wouldn’t be—like if I said,
“Oh, in my relationship I’m being angry at a level seven, and I can’t figure out—I’m mad at my partner for not being so loving. And I feel like it’s not right.”
What would you say?

Fran: Yes. Yeah, I see how I am like asking too much while I’m not giving.

Brandy: Yeah. But you’re also not understanding him.

Fran: Yeah, I’m not understanding him.

Brandy: So if you understand what you’re feeling and what you’re putting out and you stop…
So notice what I’m asking you to do—I’m asking you to change.
I’m asking you to stop being angry.
Is that a fair ask?

Fran: It is.

Brandy: Oh, it is?
Do you think if you stop being angry and you start seeing the good and feeling the good in him again, and that thing didn’t quite change in Mexico where suddenly you felt like the perfect relationship to angry that he wasn’t doing what you wanted him to do…

Reflecting on Fairness and Expectations

Brandy: Now, by the way, if he’s sick, does he want a bunch of like cuddling, or does he want his own space?

Fran: He wants a bunch of cuddling and care.
And maybe that’s why I thought it wasn’t fair, because whenever he’s sick, I’m there, I care for him, I cook, I would take things for him to the bed, and I massage him—I do everything.
So that’s not the way he’s with me now, and maybe that’s why I feel that kind of unfair.

Brandy: A couple things.
Number one: if somebody said they wanted to give me love for illness, I would say please don’t.

Fran: Yeah, I get that.

Brandy: Number one—don’t.
I don’t want to connect with people over illness.
I don’t want to connect with people over drugs.
I don’t want to connect…
I want to connect with people in healthy, happy, healthy, healthy, healthy ways.

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: I don’t want to connect over problems or hardship.
I want to connect in healthy ways, right?

Fran: You’re right, yeah.

Brandy: So—bingo.
Okay. So I’m going to ask you to breathe.
And what I want you to notice is this:
If I ask you honestly, how much your parents and your family abandoned you—how much did they abandon you?

Fran: They abandoned me.

Brandy: Okay.
And how did they abandon you?
They left you on the street corner?

Fran: I feel they don’t care for me.
They don’t ask me how I’m doing. They…
It’s like…

Brandy: Okay.
They don’t care for you.
So your mom never calls you?

Fran: She calls me.
She did call me yesterday, for example.

Brandy: Oh—except for yesterday.
But she abandoned you.

Now imagine if I said,
“Hey, by the way, my mom abandoned me.”
And you asked, “When’s the last time you talked to her?”
And I said, “Well, she called me yesterday.”

Brandy: But what—I just wish she would ask me, “How are you?”
Like, nobody asks me anymore.

Brandy: I have a question.

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: Have you told her that you have these rules that she has to ask you?

So basically you’ve created all these invisible rules.
So she called you, and that wasn’t good enough?
You think, “How you’re doing?”
So what you’re really saying is:
She called, and I don’t think she gave enough attention to your illness—that you wanted her to say, “How are you doing?”
And then to be able to say, “Oh, I have this issue and this issue.”

So again, you’re wanting more and more love for your illness.
Can you see this?

Fran: Yes.
Yes, I can see it.
And I’m not proud of it.

Replacing the Pattern with Conscious Change

Brandy: Okay.
So just change.
I don’t want you to be proud or not, but I want you to be like—
“Oh my gosh… red flag.”

Fran: Mm-hmm. Makes sense.
Yeah, it does.

Brandy: Okay.
So I’m going to ask you to breathe.

Now the thing of it is—is this:
Number one—you don’t want attention and love for illness.
Not at all.

Number two—if there is some rule that you have towards people of what you need, communicate your needs to people.
Communicate. Right?

But you—you haven’t even told them.
You just all of a sudden tell yourself you’re abandoned and unloved because somebody’s not jumping through hoops for you.

Now imagine if your husband—if I talked to your partner—and he said:
“My partner does not love me. She completely abandoned me.”
And I said, “Why?”
And he said, “She never mentioned the word blue.”

And I was like,
“Oh—did you tell her she’s supposed to mention the word blue?”
And he was like,
“No, but she should know that she’s supposed to say the word blue. So I’m really angry and she’s abandoned me.”

Okay, but did you ever like—but notice again, you’re wanting people to love you for sickness so much.

Fran: Why?
I guess because I’m feeling so lonely with this—that I’m looking for support, love—and I think it’s gonna get better.

Brandy: But I’m going to ask you to breathe.
Bingo.

But notice for a moment—how’d you feel in February?

Fran: I felt good. I was okay.

Brandy: But you still didn’t let Mexico go about feeling like he wasn’t there for your illness.
Can you see that?

Fran: Yes. Yes.

Brandy: So it’s not about that. It’s about wanting him to love you for illness over Christmas, and that’s when you felt like things changed—because he didn’t love you for illness.

Acknowledging the Pattern and Its Impact

Brandy: And it’s that feeling. So you see, what you’ve been doing is you’ve been telling yourself that he changed.

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: But he didn’t. He didn’t love you for illness over Christmas. And then you decided to make that a problem. Can you see it?

Fran: I can see it now.

Brandy: Okay. And I’m going to ask you to breathe. And I want you to notice—if somebody said to me,
“Brandy, we’re going to love you for illness,”
I’d say, “Please don’t. Please, don’t.”

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: Please, love me for health. Love me for being amazing. Love me for being kind. Love me for helping others. Love me for being an inspiration. Love me for amazing things. Please, don’t love me for illness.

Fran: Yes, you’re right.

Brandy: So what you’ve been doing is creating this whole sabotage in your life that’s telling yourself you are abandoned and that nobody cares about you.

Fran: Mm-hmm.

Brandy: Now, if I ask you how many people are reaching out to you and showing you love in different ways—if I ask you how many people in your life are, would you say none?

Fran: I wouldn’t say none, no.

Brandy: Okay. But you’re still telling yourself nobody cares about you and you’re abandoned.

Fran: Yeah.

Brandy: Okay. So is that a healthy story to tell yourself?

Fran: Not at all.

Brandy: Can you see how it sabotages your health and your life?

Fran: It does. It does. Yeah.

Brandy: Great. So what are you going to do instead?

Fran: I’m going to try to change the story. Try to understand the people and their way of expressing love. Try to communicate more what I need in a more healthy way.

Brandy: Beautiful. And can you do it?

Fran: I can. I will.

Brandy: And are you going to let go of needing love for illness?

Fran: Yes, I will.

Brandy: Beautiful. I love your awareness. You’re beautiful.

The Body’s Message is Love

Brandy (Narration): All right. So let’s go ahead and actually pause the session right here.

You know, first and foremost, I just love her so much. I love her awareness. I love her self-honesty. I love her openness to change. I love her heart. I love her. I love her. I love her.

And also, what I love about this episode—like I was saying in the beginning—is that you can really see how when illness starts, how it can become this spiral that not only affects your health, but your happiness and your relationships and your career and just your entire life.

But the other thing is, you can also see the gift in it.

You know, I’ve said before that illness is your body’s way of screaming at you to change. And it’s like, if your body is screaming, are you listening?

And it’s like, when you stop and really think about it, like, if your best friend is yelling at you to say,
“Hey, there’s a fire in the house. There’s a fire in the house,”
and you just keep ignoring them, and then you’re mad at them for yelling at you…
We wouldn’t do that.

We’d go, “Oh my God, thank you for telling me. I need to make a change.”

And that’s the point. That’s the point.

Pain, illness—it’s not something to hate or to fear. It’s something to understand.
It’s like the check engine light coming on in your car. It’s there to tell you, “Hey, something’s off.”

And so I just love this episode because you can see that.

And I just want to invite you—as we step into the next part of this session—to really think about your life and say:
“Where am I being called to change?
Where is my body or my emotions or my results—or just my intuition—saying, ‘Hey, something here is off.’”

Because when you listen to that message and you truly do make that change, your life transforms.

The Shift to Empowerment

Brandy: All right. So I want you to picture what it’d look like if you let go of this need for love for illness.
You just let it go, and instead you genuinely feel loved and appreciated for being healthy, for being happy, for being amazing, for being light and fun and joyful and bright and loving.

Fran: Yeah. That sounds amazing.

Brandy: Right? And I want you to notice how much better it would feel to feel that from your partner.

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: Beautiful. So I’m going to ask you to breathe.
And I want you to notice, even when you mentioned your family—like your mom called you yesterday—but again, there was this feeling of wanting love for illness, not just a connection and love for just being you.

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: So I’m going to ask you to breathe, and I want you to think about this for a moment:
That if somebody loves you for being sick, what is their motivation?

Fran: Pity, maybe?

Brandy: Pity. Or maybe they feel responsible?

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: But if they love you for being amazing and healthy and joyful and happy and vibrant, then that love is because they truly enjoy your presence.
Can you see the difference?

Fran: Yes, completely.

Brandy: So what do you want to be loved for?

Fran: I want to be loved for being me—being healthy and vibrant and joyful.

Brandy: Beautiful. I love that. I’m going to ask you to breathe.

Letting Go of the Old Story

Brandy: And I want you to take in the feeling that you are worthy of love.
You are lovable for being you—joyful, bright, fun, playful, beautiful, kind.
You are lovable for being you.
Take that in.

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: Good. Good.
And I want you to notice that the old story was a lie. It was a misunderstanding.
It was you trying to get love in a way that didn’t feel good.
And when it didn’t show up the way you wanted, you felt unloved.

Fran: Yes. That’s true.

Brandy: So I want you to notice that you’ve been trying to get love for illness, and I want you to notice how it doesn’t work.
And it’s not fun.

Fran: Yeah.

Brandy: So are you willing to change the pattern?

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: Are you willing to show up in your relationships with love and joy and connection and brightness?

Fran: I am.

Brandy: Are you willing to feel loved for being amazing instead of trying to get love from suffering?

Fran: Yes. I will.

Brandy: Beautiful. And I want you to take in that feeling.
You are lovable. You are loved. And you are worthy.
And I want you to take that in and feel that in every cell of your being.

Fran: Yes.

Brandy: Good. Good, good.

Closing Reflections

Brandy (Narration): All right. So that was beautiful. I love her. I love her awareness.
And just so beautiful to watch this shift unfold.

And I want to invite you to think about your own life.
Are there ways that maybe you’ve been trying to get love or connection through struggle or illness or suffering—without even realizing it?

Sometimes these patterns run so deep, and we don’t even notice them until we zoom out.
But once you see them, you have the opportunity to break free from them.

And remember: you are worthy of love for being you—for being the joyful, loving, kind, beautiful soul that you are.
And as you show up more in that energy, life starts reflecting it back to you.

So on that note, I want to ask you to please do make a point to hit the share button on this episode.
You know, share it with somebody you love or somebody you care about or somebody you don’t even know that well, but you just feel like maybe they could benefit.

The more empowered that every single person is, the better the world is for all of us.
So please do make a point to hit the share button.
And please do make a point to have a most wonderful, loving, fabulous rest of your day.

And I look forward to connecting with you on the next episode.

I’ll see you there.