306: Healing Starts When You Stop Being Mean to Yourself

[00:00:00] Welcome to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life. My name is Brandy Gillmore, and after recovering from my own life-changing injury, it’s become my mission to share with others the same discoveries I made that changed my health and my entire life. Our minds are truly incredible. The placebo is proof of this.

Each week I will take this simple awareness to a whole new level. I will even coach live callers to free themselves of physical pain using only their mind, and then I’ll provide you with a combination of practical and spiritual insights that you can use to master your mind, your emotions, and your energy to help you heal your health, yourself, and your life.

Let’s begin.

[00:01:00] Hello and happy, beautiful day to you. Welcome back. On today’s episode, I am working with a beautiful volunteer that you’re absolutely going to love. Her name is Tana, and there are so many insights from today’s episode. She’s basically been working on healing herself, and she’s got some major issues to really, really overcome.

Now, one of the things that you’re going to love about this episode is first and foremost—her sense of humor. She has an ability to still maintain a sense of humor, even though she’s dealing with some heavy patterns and some serious health issues. And so I love that. And it’s not in a way where it’s about having a sense of humor to avoid the problem. It’s literally—we’re talking about the problems, but also doing it with a sense of lightness, humor, and playfulness that gives you an attitude to really be able to move through them.

So that’s one of the things that I love. Also, just her self-honesty and self-awareness is really profound and beautiful. So I love that.

Working with Deep Emotional Patterns

Some of the other things that come up in this episode as I’m working with our beautiful volunteer are also patterns of things like guilt, being mean to self, and loving self. And so there are some patterns that really need to be changed at a deeper, deeper level for healing, for transformation—and just so many things.

And what I love about this episode also is it really helps highlight that we have to work with the subconscious mind in a different way. All the time, people want to start working with their mind for mind-body healing and addressing the negative or this, that, the other. And as you’ll notice as we go through today’s session, there are some places where her mind keeps going in the wrong direction. And I kind of have to reel her back in and say, “Okay, look, we really need to work with the mind in a different way to get a different result.”

So that’s another thing. And again, there are so many insights from this episode. And so I love that. And I love her. She’s absolutely beautiful.

And so on that note, let’s dive in with our beautiful volunteer, Tana. Here we go.

Hello. Hi, Tana.

Hi. Hi. It’s a pleasure connecting with you. How are you doing today?

I’m doing good. Thank you.

I love, I love that. It is wonderful to connect with you. And how can I help you today, beautiful?

Well, I am not sure. I don’t know how it works, but I come in with an open heart.

I like that. Open heart is a good thing.

I am ready to receive and let you work your magic.

Okay, I like that. Do you want me to tell you something about me?

Absolutely. So we can work the magic together, right?

Okay. Okay. So what is going on with your health?

One and a half years ago, right before my youngest of four turned one, I was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer.

And that’s pretty bad, right?

It’s not a good idea. I recommend not doing that to any—yeah, I recommend don’t do that, don’t do that. But I just went in…

…I had had this inner feeling that something was wrong with me for a while, but I couldn’t understand what it was. I never thought there was anything serious like that, but I just had this inner knowing something was wrong.

I thought it was just a reminder that I need to take care of myself. So I had made an appointment with a doctor to look into my other stuff that was with leg problems and, you know, in the joints. I thought it was time I started to take care of myself. Then I was put into ER to take a look at the body.

But actually, the story behind that is quite amazing because I went to this doctor that’s supposed to look at your joints and stuff, and she was quite negative and was like, “No, I don’t think you have those problems. But I will put you in scans on the hands and the feet because if there is something, we will see it there.”

And then right before I was going out of the appointment, she was finishing the appointment, I asked her, “Do you think you want to see me again?” “No, I don’t think it’s going to be necessary. I don’t think you have any problems here.” And I was a little bit disappointed because I couldn’t really believe that because I have—like, I am a little bit good with seeking facts and information like you do.

But then just when she was finishing and telling me to go out, it was like something put her hand on her shoulder and whispered something because she gasped and said, “You know what? I gotta send you to MRI.” And I was like, “Oh, okay. Do you have any neck pain?” “No, I don’t have any neck pain.” “Yeah, well, I’m going to do it anyway.”

And because she sent me to this MRI, they saw something in my left lung. And because they saw something in my left lung, they put me into further scanning. And then sadly, that little thing the doctors thought was nothing—my lungs had cancer, my liver had cancer, my lymph system had cancer, and then they found colon cancer. And they didn’t know what type of cancer.

So in a week, my world turned upside down and I got terrified. You can imagine—the youngest was just turning one—and I was like, “You’re kidding me?” I was not this unhealthy. I have always been aware of my health in so many ways. But I thought it was like, wow.

BRANDY: I hear you. Even though I—now, I have a question for you.

Okay.

If we spend too long going into the problem, we’re going to just end up fueling the problem, just so you know. And it’ll be harder to get out of it. Just FYI.

Okay.

I just want you to get a little picture.

Yeah, which is good. I’m just warning—just letting you know. Just letting you know, you know, I was just thinking it when you started—

Your choice. Your choice.

Yeah, I know. When you said, “Do you want me to tell a story?” I was like, “Oh my God, how to do it?” But yeah. Anyways, the thing I think it’s important for me to say is when they told me—the doctors—my situation in the hospital, like, “You have this stage, we’re going to try to give you time…”

Something in myself said, ‘This is not it. This is not how it’s going to end.’

And after that, I started to go where I could find myself in what you were talking about—about your period where you were seeking information and doing everything. And that’s what I have been doing. I dug deep into spirituality and trying to understand my energy body and everything.

And that led me to you. And I’ve had a pretty tough time because what was not only stage four turned out to be aggressive type also. So it has not been that easy. But I am certain that I will be okay.

BRANDY: I like your certainty. I like that. So, you ready to dive in?

Yes.

Okay. So—bingo. All right. So, here we go.

BRANDY: Now, by the way, if I ask you, are you experiencing any physical pain right now?

Not much, considering I was having chemotherapy.

Yep. So I’m going to ask you to breathe. If you ask me, zero to ten, are you feeding the issue? Zero to ten, a level four right now. Just FYI. So I’m just going to interrupt. I’m going to ask you to breathe. So come with me. Come with me, right?

So I’m going to ask you to breathe.

Shifting the Emotional Energy

All right, so let’s go ahead and pause it just for a quick moment. You know, first and foremost, I just love her and I love her self-awareness. I love her self-honesty. And the reason that I interrupted her and said, “Okay, be careful, you are going to end up reinforcing it,” is for a few reasons. It’s not just the story—it’s also about the feelings that are connected to the story.

So what can happen here as she’s going deeper and deeper into the story is that it can bring up some feelings of victim or distrust towards doctors or whatnot, but feeling those feelings of even resentment, different things. So different emotions can come up. And that’s the thing you’ll want to make sure to keep in mind—it’s not always the story.

Even in my own life, there was a long period of time when I did not tell my story at all—like years where I didn’t even want to tell it. But then when I did start telling it, I did so in a way that wasn’t fueling old patterns—no sympathy, no feeling bad for myself, no victim energy. Just, you know what—overcoming it and really creating that change.

Now, what I also love about our beautiful volunteer is, you know, she has that feeling in her—you can see she just wants it, which is great. Now, it does take a real, real, real change. Because, you know, even going through my injury, I wanted it the whole time. I was struggling and trying and doing everything. And I see that with so many people—they want it. She’s here. She wants it.

And beyond that, we really have to change. And so just food for thought. But that’s—I just wanted to mention—the reason I did interrupt is that there can be emotions to it. And some people might say, “Well, Brandy, you tell your story.” Yes, the emotions towards my story are much different now, and they feel different and in a healthy way.

And so just food for thought—that we really want to be careful about the things that end up getting reinforced—because as you’ll see coming up, it can keep you very stuck. And so that’s where we’re going as we step back in with our beautiful volunteer, Tana. Here we go.

Getting Into the Session

BRANDY: Okay. So if I ask you zero to ten, how much you’re experiencing pain, what’s your level right now?

I feel the warmth. I feel good.

Okay. So I’ll ask you to breathe. Okay. So zero to ten, what’s your level of discomfort?

Maybe a two.

Okay. And if I ask you where you’re feeling the pain, what would you say?

I feel a bit of tension in my upper back and neck.

Okay. And maybe in my stomach.

Okay. So, give me one second… bingo.

Can you give me one second?… Bingo, bingo. Okay, so, here we go. Let’s dive in.

BRANDY: If I ask you, zero to ten, how much you recall the feeling of being really stressed—of feeling like you didn’t have enough help with your children—what would you say?

I was extremely fearful and had a lot of anxiety. I was struggling a lot.

Okay. So I’m going to ask you to breathe. Now that you are sick, if I ask you how much you now have help with them, what would you say?

Um, what? I didn’t understand.

If I ask you—now that you’re sick—how much you have more help with the children. Can you see that?

Yes, I have more help. And I have also had to stop acting like I did before.

Okay. So I’m going to ask you to breathe. So if I ask your body if it wants to heal, knowing that if it feels like the help is going to go away—like, let’s say your body feels like it’s going to heal and then you’re going to lose any help—if I ask you, do you think your body would want to heal or not want to heal?

I feel I’m in a place where I really want to heal no matter what. But I cannot deny that I get a lot of attention for being sick, and I don’t like it because it makes me feel… it’s dumb. I know I have a lot I can give in other ways.

But also, of course, I get—because I was so tough on myself and so hardcore before and I never needed anything—and this has forced me to take more from my husband and children and people. And I cannot deny that. I was never good at taking this love and care that I have needed to learn to let in.

And I want to keep that and be healthy too. So I’m quite sad.

BRANDY: Exactly. So the thing of it is—if I ask your body, I’m just going to be really honest. Why? Because I would want somebody to be very honest if I were in your situation, right?

So if I ask your body if it wanted to heal—right now—it says, “Not yet.”

Which is good—because then you can get it to want to heal. So right now, if your body already said it wants to heal, but then it’s not healing, that would be frustrating. So you just get it to then want to heal.

So if I ask it if it feels 100% safe to heal, it says negative six. It’s got to know and trust that you would not have to go back to that overwhelm. Notice the part of you who felt like it was way too much.

Now, how many kids do you have?

Four.

And what are their ages?

They’re 24, 21, 5, and 2.

Okay. Now, if I ask you how much having the last one felt harder than you expected?

Yes.

A little bit harder or a lot harder?

In a good way. Because we—to be honest, it was hard to have it because I didn’t see how we could make it financially and physically.

Exactly. So if I told you that somebody just had a baby and they don’t feel like they can make it financially and physically—how safe does it feel to just live and be if they feel like they can’t make it financially and physically?

It made me heartbroken in my pregnancy. Yeah… I felt…

…so much guilt and worry. It was hard to feel joy when I was so scared. I felt like I had made a mistake even though I love my child deeply. It just felt overwhelming.

BRANDY: Exactly. So if your body is linking “life” with that much emotional pain and fear, it can start to feel like it’s not safe to live. And it’s not that you’re thinking that consciously—it’s just the emotions that are getting wired in.

So I’m going to ask you to breathe. And I want you to notice that part of you that felt like you had to do it all on your own—that you had to be superwoman, that it was all on you. Can you see that?

Yes, I can see that.

Okay. So I want you to start to shift that energy. What would it look like to receive support—not because you’re sick, but because you deserve it? Because it’s okay to receive love and help without needing to be in a crisis?

That would be amazing. That’s what I want to create.

Beautiful. So I want you to imagine that. Really feel what it would be like to be supported, loved, and cherished, just as you are. No sickness needed. Just because you’re you.

Yes, I want that so much.

Good. So breathe that in. And start creating that feeling in your energy now. Let it become real in your body. Let your subconscious mind begin to associate safety and support with health and vitality.

Yes. I can feel it. It feels warm.

Beautiful. Let’s keep going with that feeling. Let’s anchor it deeper.

Creating Safety in the Subconscious

BRANDY: So here’s the thing—if your subconscious is linking being sick with getting love and support, and being healthy with feeling abandoned or overwhelmed, then of course your body isn’t going to want to heal. We have to reverse that.

So I’m going to ask you to start picturing what it would look like to be your healthiest self—and to feel completely safe and supported in that version of you. What does that look like?

It looks like peace. Like being able to play with my children and feel light and joyful. Like having energy and smiling and not worrying all the time.

Exactly. So take that image—your vibrant, joyful self—and feel how real and possible it is. Let that be your new identity. The more your subconscious associates health with safety, love, and joy—the more it will allow healing to happen.

Yes. I want that so badly. I believe it’s possible.

Beautiful. So let’s keep anchoring that. That’s where your power is. That’s the shift that makes all the difference.

Replacing Old Patterns with Empowerment

BRANDY: Now, one more thing—if I ask you, how much you’ve historically pushed yourself too hard, even when you were tired or overwhelmed, what would you say?

A lot. I didn’t allow myself to rest. I always had to keep going, keep doing.

Exactly. So if healing means you finally get to slow down and be nurtured, then your mind might be holding on to sickness as the only way to allow that. But what if you could just give yourself permission to receive without needing the sickness?

I want that. I’m tired of being sick. I want to feel good again. But I don’t want to lose the softness I’ve gained through this process—the connection with my family, the support.

And you don’t have to. That’s the beauty of it. You can create a new pattern—a new version of you—where you’re supported, loved, thriving, and still soft and open and connected. You don’t have to lose any of the good you’ve gained. You’re just releasing the pain and keeping the love.

That makes me emotional. That feels really good. I never thought of it that way.

So breathe into that. Let your body start to believe that healing can be safe, even beautiful. That it’s okay to let go of the old programming and step into a new way of being.

Yes. Yes, I’m ready.

Wonderful. Keep reinforcing that—again and again. Your thoughts, your emotions, your energy—they are shaping your health every single day. And this shift that you’re making now—it’s powerful. It’s the foundation for your transformation.

Thank you. This really helps me see things differently. It gives me hope.

You’re so welcome. And I believe in you. Just keep going. Stay committed to this new pattern. Because you absolutely can heal. Your body wants to heal. It just needs the emotional permission to do so.

Okay. Thank you so much, Brandy.

You are so, so welcome, beautiful.

Closing Reflections

BRANDY: All right. So let’s go ahead and pause the session right here. First and foremost, I just want to acknowledge our beautiful volunteer, Tana. Her vulnerability, her strength, her willingness to look at these deep emotional patterns—it’s just beautiful.

And as you could see, this session really highlights some of the most common reasons people can get stuck in illness or pain—especially when sickness becomes linked with receiving love, care, or relief from responsibility. These are not conscious choices. They are subconscious emotional associations that can block healing, even when we deeply want it.

And so if you’re on your own healing journey, I invite you to take a moment to reflect: Where might you be linking your illness with safety, love, or protection? Where might your subconscious still feel afraid to fully heal?

Awareness is the first step. And the great news is, once you bring these patterns to the surface, you can begin to shift them consciously. You can retrain your mind and body to associate healing with joy, safety, and support. And that’s where the transformation happens.

Thank you so much for joining me today. I look forward to connecting with you again next week. And until then, please remember to hold the vision of your health and wholeness. Keep showing up for yourself, because you truly do have the power to heal.

With so much love, have a beautiful rest of your day.