176 Transcript: Navigating Your Sense Of Obligation & Releasing Patterns Of Guilt & Self-Blame

Heal Yourself Change Your Life

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Welcome to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life. My name is Brandy Gillmore, and after recovering from my own life-changing injury, it's become my mission to share with others the same discoveries I made that changed my health and my entire. Our minds are truly incredible. The placebo is proof of this. Each week I will take this simple awareness to a whole new level.

I will even coach live callers to free themself of physical pain using only their mind, and then I'll provide you with a combination of practical and spiritual insights that you can use to master your mind, your emotions, and your. To help you heal your health yourself and your life. Let's begin.


Hello and welcome. It is so wonderful to connect with you. I just love that you are here continuing to expand your mind, your energy, your consciousness, your healing. I just love it and I just love today's episode and our volunteer. You're just going to love her. She is so sweet. and just the perfect person to bring forth this divine message that we have today.

And if you are somebody who has been stuck in patterns of people pleasing or feeling obligated to help others, or caregiving or stuck in that whole pattern, or even blaming yourself, and feeling guilty for not doing things or guilty for things going wrong. I mean, there's just a whole mix of emotions that [00:02:00] are going on.

And the beautiful thing is, is our volunteer moves through her emotions and her energy in the most beautiful way, just the way she shifts her energy. It is just beautiful. It's just precious. She did so great with her energy, and even on that note, part of what we're gonna talk about as well is the loss of somebody and even blaming yourself for that and moving past it.

But again, the way our volunteer moved through the awareness and the shift, she just shifted her energy in such a beautiful. That she's just the perfect person to bring forth this exact message. So I love this. And just divine timing, divine unfoldment. And there's one other thing that I absolutely just love about this episode is that we started talking about the issues that were going on and taking care of other people and caregiving and, and all of these things, [00:03:00] these main topics that came up.

And this is what had to do. Pennies, pain, and you know, just a lot of things cuz she's got physical pain in her body. But what I love is there was also a divine message for her at the end. And it was just another a, a beautiful unfoldment. And you'll see what I mean, that might not fully make sense right now, but basically, To kind of give you a bit of an overview, our volunteer felt like she was here caring for other people and because of issues and blaming of self of things that were going on with other people and fear and all of these things.

And what was interesting is that there was a whole nother message that the universe had for her in a beautiful way. So that's also where we're going. So again, I just, I love this episode in a most wonderful way. And so that said, let's go ahead and step in with Penny. And she has been experiencing pain all over her body about a level eight, [00:04:00] which I didn't mention upfront, but we talk about that later towards the end of the episode.

As we dive in, we start talking about really the things that are going on with her and shifting those, and it's just again, in a beautiful, beautiful way. And so that said, let's go ahead and dive in with our beautiful volunteer Penny. Here we go.

Hello. Hi. Hi. Hi. Beautiful. Hello. Thank you for your patience. I really appreciate it. Absolutely. You're so welcome and so wonderful. It's great to connect. Oh, it's nice to hear your voice and see. See you. I listen to your podcast and they're amazing. Thank you. Thank you. That touches my heart. You're beautiful.

And, uh, what can I help you with today? Well, um, I have a daughter who lives with bipolar. She has a [00:05:00] D H D, um, she has P T S D and um, unfortunately she's had problems with addiction. Now I had a sister, Debbie, who was eight and eight and a half years older than I am who was bipolar also, and, uh, she ended up, um, taking her own knife.

So I live with a lot of. So you could help me control that fear, . I would really appreciate it. Okay. All right. So I'm gonna ask you just for a moment to breathe. I'm gonna ask you just for a moment, how much you blame yourself about your sister. I'll never know if I could have done something differently.

Okay, great. So I'm gonna ask you just for a moment to breathe, and I want you to notice just for a moment, That you are God and you control her life. , [00:06:00] I wish.

Okay, so I'm gonna ask you just for a moment to breathe and I want you to think about zero to 10 how much others can control you. Sadly, I can't be controlled, but I've been very easily manipulated. Okay. But if I ask you how easy it is for others to control you when you don't wanna be controlled, it's impossible.

It's impossible. Okay. So I'm gonna ask you just for a moment to breathe, and if I ask you how much your sister wanted to be controlled, what would you say? She didn't wanna be controlled. Okay. And if I ask you, did you ever try to direct her in a different. Yes. How'd that go? It never went well, but I think on her last day before she decided to do what she did, [00:07:00] um, I think I, I, I, I wasn't there, but I think a little kindness would've gone a long way.

That day might have changed things, so she had never experienced kindness. Oh yes, she had. Oh, but somehow the day before she died, if she had kindness, it probably would've changed everything. What it, it actually made it worse. . But if it didn't change everything before, why would it have changed everything that day?

Well, I'm ask you to breathe, and if I ask you how much do our thoughts and emotions help create our life? Gods do create our lives. Great. So I want you to notice how much you are trying to say. If I just intercepted my sister's thoughts, I could have intercepted what she's manifesting [00:08:00] and change that.

But like you powerful put like that. No, I couldn't have changed that. Couldn't have. So I'm gonna ask you just for a moment to breathe. And by the way, , have you ever seen before where you try to fix something for somebody and then lo and behold they figure out a different way to screw it up? Yes. Yes. How many times have you seen that before?

Uh, more than I can count. Okay. So the thing of it is, God, is it okay if I just divine universe? What shall I call you? Oh, . Well, I just believe that divine is in all of us, . So I'm gonna ask you to breathe and I'm, and I'm playing and you're beautiful. Thank you for your sense of humor. And I'm gonna ask you to breathe, and I'm gonna ask you to take in the feeling that you, as much as you want to, you can't [00:09:00] manifest and attract and create everybody else's life for.

you're, you're right. Mm-hmm. . If you think about how many times your sister had been thinking about killing herself before she did, had she ever tried before? Not sure. Okay. She, she did talk about it a lot. Oh, she talked about it a lot. Yes. I see that. So you think that she's talking about, so watch this, let's say I'm talking about something.

Manifesting working on manifesting, talking about something and you can just come along and intercept it. Cause you are stronger than the universe. No, sadly I'm not . Okay, so wait a sec. Let's go back to why your sister is your fault. Okay, so she was manifesting and talking about something over and over and over again, and you should have been able to intervene with [00:10:00] her manifesting of what she was creating because you are stronger than the universe because you smart the universe.

You're harder. . No. Put like that. I couldn't, but, ah, okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Put like that. Put like that, I could not have changed anything. What's that? I could not have changed anything. Great. So I'm gonna ask you just for a moment to breathe.

All right, so let's go ahead and pause it just for a quick moment. You know, two very important insights that I want to mention. The first and foremost, most obvious is that all the time people will blame themselves about things that are happening in other people's lives. And of course, if you are doing that, You wanna let that go?

You can't intercept somebody else's manifestation. And I'll see this with people [00:11:00] where they feel like maybe they lost a person to an illness and they think, well, I should have been able to get them to the right treatment, or, I should have been able to do this, or, I wish I could have done this. And it's like they're continuously regretting or blaming themselves or feeling as though it's their fault.

And what you wanna remember. , everybody is manifesting their lives. And so that's the first thing that you'll wanna keep in mind is making sure not to blame yourself. Now, secondly, you know when she mentioned, well, if I had just brought in more kindness, maybe I could have done it. But the thing that you'll always wanna keep in mind is that so often normal responses can unfortunately, Fuel a pattern.

And the best way to kind of illustrate this is if you think about somebody who says, oh, well I can't believe I did that. I'm so stupid. And somebody else says, no, you're not. Or somebody might say, oh my God, I [00:12:00] look terrible in this dress. And then of course the answer that somebody else wants to hear is say, no, you don't.

You look great. And what happens in these situations? is that something negative gets linked up with something positive. And I guess the easiest way to illustrate this is if you think about a wedding song, if somebody listens to a certain song during their wedding, that gets linked up. So the two things get linked up.

Or even if you've heard before, a kid who doesn't get positive attention will get negative attention. So they get it linked up that there's negativity. To kindness or love or attention. And so point being is that all of the time people think, oh, I could have made it better if I could have done this, and I could have done that.

And it doesn't necessarily work that way, you know, if somebody's working on manifesting. Their life in a negative way or their health or any of that. You know, you can't necessarily stop them [00:13:00] if that's what they're manifesting. And by the way, even as you notice when I work with people and I'll push a bit, that's why I sound a bit like a football coach, if you'll , you know, at times when I'm pushing it is because if I say something like, oh no, don't do that, or, oh, are you okay?

You're even when she mentioned this was going on, if I say, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry to hear. , what am I doing? I am adding acknowledgement and love. To the very problem, so then I wouldn't expect her to be able to get results because I'm fueling and adding energy to the problem instead of to the solution.

So that's the reason you'll hear me push and also not give a traditional response. Because if I give a traditional response, then I'm fueling that same neural pathway, the same traditional pathways in the brain, then I'm fueling the problem and reinforcing it. and then I would want her to change and it just wouldn't [00:14:00] work.

And so point being is that no matter what way you look at it, if something has happened with somebody in your life, you won't wanna judge yourself. You won't wanna criticize yourself. You genuinely want to shift that. And what you'll also want to note in this is number three is you'll also want to note that if you are in that mindset, Then it is definitely part of your pattern as well.

And as you'll notice with Penny, it's part of a bigger pattern for her, and that's what happens all of the time is people will think. Oh, this pattern is about somebody else. This issue, this trauma, this problem is about somebody else when really there's a reason why it's manifesting and it's deep inside.

And so that's where we're going as we step back in and with beautiful Penny. Here we go.[00:15:00]

And I'm gonna ask you to breathe, and I want you to notice your story, that suddenly if you had jumped in right before it manifested, that you could have changed her entire manifestation. Really? Okay. Superwoman, . I couldn't. Uhhuh. You couldn't. So I'm gonna ask you just for a moment to breathe, and I'm gonna ask you, let's say you have a friend who loses their car.

Would you make fun of them? Depends how they lost their car, but probably not. , probably not. So let's say they don't have their car anymore, but they're still a beautiful being, right? Yes. Okay. Now how much would you judge them for losing their car? It depends how they lost their car, and I'm not proud of Yes.

So I'm gonna ask you to breathe. Your sister is a beautiful soul, right? Yes. . So she no longer has a vehicle, a physical body, vehicle in this life, right? [00:16:00] Yes. But can you not judge her? She just lost her vehicle. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe and how does that feel to you when I say that? I don't judge her and I'm gonna ask you to breathe and can you not judge yourself?

Yes. But now I realize I just miss her. Mm-hmm. . So I'm gonna ask you to breathe, and if I ask you how often you still think she's in your energy, how often would you say that is? A lot. You are right a lot. Mm-hmm. . So I'm gonna ask you to breathe and what happens if you just get more and more tuned into that energy and energy world and you're willing to expand and grow and be open to.

Feeling her and open to that awareness of energy that maybe she doesn't have a physical vehicle, but she's still here. She's still present. That would help a lot. Great. So to do that though, you would need [00:17:00] to stop blaming self and you would need to stop being upset and you would need to say, okay, I'm genuinely open.

I'm, I'm ready to be done with all this pain. How does that feel to you actually that. Really good Uhhuh. Really good, right? So I'm gonna ask you to breathe, and I gotta tell you, I've worked with people. If you think about my injury, I went through my injury, I developed this after I healed, I developed this gift to be able to feel what other people are feeling.

I have worked with people before who have lost somebody who I said, okay. Let's stop hurting and let's start accepting. Let's be okay, and let's start tuning into energy. And then their mom would come around, or their sister, or their father, whoever it was, and they get chills. And by the way, I have so many chills right now, , but their family member would come around, they'd be like, oh my God, that's that.

Like it became this. It evolved. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe, and I want you to [00:18:00] think about personal transformation and if you're willing to start transforming this pain into the next level of growth of personal growth, are you willing to do that? I am willing to do that. Great. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe, and I want you to picture just for a moment, somebody's feeling really hurt and really upset and blaming self and feeling really hurt and really upset.

How well can they feel energy? They can't. They can't. There's so much chaos going inside on inside of self that they're never going to attune to what's around them, not accurately. That make sense? Yes. Great. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe and I'm gonna ask you if you're willing to change. I am willing to change.

Great. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe. Does this mean that you're willing to stop telling yourself that you could have somehow intercepted your sister's manifestation and that it might be all your fault because you did not intercept? That's what, what she was manifesting. [00:19:00] Yes. Great. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe and notice the more I'm kind of saying it, the more you can see that.

It doesn't make sense and you can let it go, right? So I'm gonna ask you to breathe, and I'm gonna ask you if you're willing to change, if you're willing to see things in a different way, if you're willing to feel in a different way, if you're willing to embrace real change. I am. Great. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe Bingo, and I'm gonna ask you to breathe.

Now, I also want you to notice the part of you who feels like it's your responsibility to care for. Even at a young age, can you see that? Yes. ? Mm-hmm. . Yes. How old were you when you started feeling like it was your responsibility to care for her? Well, that was my other sister and as far as I can remember, yep.

Yeah. I see it at age like four even. There's a feeling of needing to care and take care of everything and, [00:20:00] uh, it comes in. Age eight really comes in a lot more. Can you see that? So there's a lot of feeling like you are the responsible one who's supposed to take care of others. Can you see that? Yes. Okay, great.

So I'm gonna ask you just for a moment to breathe, and I want you to picture just for a moment, that your daughter was learning to walk when she was learning to walk. And let's say you were so afraid she was gonna fall, that you held her up the entire time. I never did . I never did that. She never did that.

Right. Now, if she was so afraid to fall and so afraid to fall, that you held her up the whole time, how soon till she be able to walk on her own? Not very soon. Not very soon. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe and I want you to picture that your mum, when you're in your thirties, Your mom was saying, oh my gosh, I have to take care of you.

It's my responsibility to take care of you when you're in, [00:21:00] when you're in your thirties, it's my responsibility to take care of you. How do you feel? I don't think I'd like it, but my mom was the total opposite from the very young . And how much did it allow you to grow up and be independent? It really helped me be independent.

Bingo. Now I want you to picture just for a. She was like, oh, but I have to take care of you. Oh, I have to take care of you. Oh, I have to take care of you. And that was her attitude towards you. When you were in your thirties, how would that have helped you? It wouldn't have at all. How would you have felt about yourself?

Incapable, bingo, incapable not able to do for self. So more fear, more uncertainty, all of those things. So I want you to think about your daughter, and I want you to think about her confidence, her level of feeling capable, her level of feeling strong. How capable does she feel, would you say? I don't think she feels [00:22:00] capable.

Okay. Good awareness. I don't think so either. Now imagine how much better and safer she would feel in life if she felt capable. It would be wonder. Great. So if you think about it, what happens if you start just acknowledging the great things that she is doing and not thinking I have to take care of her, but thinking, how can she feel capable herself?

Well, I'm, I'm kind of doing that right now. I've stepped, I've stepped back, but I'm afraid. Okay, so wait a sec. Wait a sec. Bingo. It's kind of like this. You stepped back when your kids were learning how to walk, how far did you step back? I would say as far as they felt comfortable. Okay. But did you still watch them?

Yes. Okay. By watching them and also stepping back by still watching, but stepping back, [00:23:00] how did that. I thought it went really well. It went really well. They both walk. They all your kids walk, correct? ? Yes. . Okay. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe. And by the way, how many kids do you have? Two. Two? Yes. Okay. Both.

All right. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe. That word came out and I just needed to make sure. Yeah. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe And so if you're thinking about it, they both walk. So you did great with that. So if you think about it for a moment, The strategy then becomes how do you connect with your daughter?

So you're constantly in connection, but it's not in a controlling way, it's not in a giving advice way. It's just going, oh, hang, I was thinking about you. How's it going? Blah, blah, blah. So you're still, you're stepping back, but you can still see you're not controlling, but you still have that visibility.

Does that make sense? I love. But my daughter requests a lot of stuff that she [00:24:00] should be able to get on her own right now, okay? Mm-hmm. . So I'm gonna ask you to breathe and I want you to think about how you say, you know what, you've got this. Like I get, I get it. And you exactly. You say, you've got this. Let me know what you need help with.

Like, you've got this. I would love to see you do it and to shine. You've got this. Now, by the way, if somebody doesn't feel capable, how safe do they feel in life? They don't. They don't, right? And so think about this. If she feels incapable, then she's always asking for things. So really changing that is important, right?

Yes. Great. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe. So if you said, okay, I'm not gonna do things for her, , but I will encourage the her to do them for herself. I can do that. Great. So I'm gonna ask you just for a moment to [00:25:00] breathe and how much is it your job to fix her? It isn't. It isn't. And so I'm gonna ask you just for a moment to breathe.

All right, so I wanna go ahead and pause the session right here, you know, first and for. I love her self-awareness and her self honesty. And not only that, but her ability to just embrace the change and say, okay, you know what? I am gonna change and shift and see things in a new way. I mean, just beautiful.

Just a beautiful, beautiful being. Just impressive. And I wanna give you a chance to digest some of this information and unpack it a bit more because all of the time, this is what happens is. people will have a feeling of guilt for not doing for others or obligation or even the caregiver where [00:26:00] somebody will have a caregiving role.

And what happens is a person may have a pattern of a very strong need to be needed, extremely strong, need to be needed. And then what happens is on the flip side, they're feeling extremely deplete. , and I see that all the time. Or people will have a tendency to one who fix everything for others. And really what it ends up being is controlling others and ruining their relationships or squashing people and it doesn't allow them to grow.

You know? And as you can see, in Penny's case, there's a strong feeling of obligation of feeling like she needs to do. , she's in the middle of shifting that. She says, you know, my daughter's calling me all the time for things that she can do herself. So she's in the middle of changing that, and that's what I wanna unpack even more is that very thing is first and foremost, making sure that if you have one of these patterns, that you are genuinely shifting the pattern.[00:27:00]

Inside of yourself. And I wanna emphasize that because all too often what'll happen is people will blame somebody else. They'll say, oh, well so-and-so's always doing this. You know, it's, they blame others and they don't realize that they're the magnet attracting it. So then they attracted and 10 more relationships.

and they constantly feel that pattern showing up in life. So that's something that of course, I'll see all the time. And so on that note, if you have one of these patterns, you'll want to make sure to genuinely shift it. And then the second insight is this, is that you'll wanna make sure that as you're shifting that pattern inside of yourself, That you're genuinely shifting that in your relationships, meaning that sometimes what'll happen is people will decide, all right, I'm gonna shift a pattern.

And then what they start doing, they try to avoid all of the relationships where that [00:28:00] pattern was present. So instead, they're kind of running from those relationships. And what it does is it never allows them to genuinely transform. Their way of being and feeling and create that real transformation that is needed to make it life changing.

And so that is the second insight, is that after you genuinely change this in yourself, you wanna make sure that you're not just running from your relationships and avoiding people, but instead that you're making a habit of showing up in a different way, that's loving, that's caring, that's thoughtful, that's sweet, that's wonder.

but also in a different way. And if you are somebody who has felt obligated to do things for others, . And this episode is a perfect illustration because you know, when you're trying to fix others or do for others over and over and over, it doesn't allow them to have that feeling of finding that certainty, that [00:29:00] capability, you know, feeling like they're capable inside of them.

And that is so important. And by the way, on that note, if you are somebody who has felt incapable, then I wanna invite you. To become consciously aware of genuinely feeling empowered in your life, because all the time I'll see people who don't feel like they can do much of anything. You know, they feel disempowered in life and once they start stepping up to genuinely transform their mindset and the way they feel, and then following through with action, they're surprised at what they're really capable of.

And so that said, if that is your situation, I wanna invite. To really empower yourself to make the decision to start growing your muscles in that area, so to speak. You know, growing that feeling of genuinely feeling. Capable and empowered in your life. All right, so that said, for the rest of the [00:30:00] session, we're gonna go ahead and continue that on next week's episode, and I just love that second part.

As I mentioned in the very beginning, there was a twist of information for her. So in other words, penny feels like she showed up regarding her sister and also her daughter, but. The universe had some information for her that was really sweet. So I love that too. And that's where we're going to be going next week.

But I wanna give you just a moment to embody this, to empower yourself. And on that note, I wanna ask you to please do hit this share button on this episode. You know, share it with somebody you love, somebody you care about, or somebody you don't even know. Because the more empowered that every single person is in our world, the better this world is for all of us.

And so please do hit the share a button and please do have a fantastic, empowered, wonderful day. And I look forward to connecting with you on the next episode. [00:31:00] I'll see you there.

Thank you for listening to Heal Yourself Change. All of the time people reach out and say how much these episodes have given them hope or touched their heart, or help them stay positive in hard times, or even woken them up to a completely new level of awareness of how amazing we all really are. If today's episode touched your heart or expanded your [00:34:00] mind in any way, please do me a favor and be sure to share it with those you care about or those you know who really.

As more and more people become empowered, it really will change our world for the better. That is the point and the power of these demonstrations is to create a radical shift in our world consciousness by showing everyone what we are all capable of. And of course, each volunteer will really need to follow through to reinforce their programming, to maintain their results.

But the point. For you to see that you really can create rapid results in your health and your life if you really understand how to use your mind. You are incredible. And I do wanna be clear though, that most people will not get results this fast on their own. I make it look very easy because of the discoveries that I made.

You'll wanna remember that there's so much more going on [00:35:00] in our minds at a deeper level than people. That said, if you wanna send me any questions or comments, come visit me on my [email protected] slash podcast. And if you're currently experiencing physical pain and would like to be a volunteer on the show, you can sign up there as well.

Lastly, Please remember, if you do have any health issues, you won't want to avoid your doctors. Instead, you'll wanna continue seeing them and make it your goal to blow their minds with what you are capable of with your mind. Thank you.

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