177 Transcript: Relationships (Healing & Manifesting Love) & Healing Self-Blame

Heal Yourself Change Your Life

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Welcome to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life. My name is Brandy Gillmore, and after recovering from my own life-changing injury, it's become my mission to share with others the same discoveries I made that changed my health and my entire. Our minds are truly incredible. The placebo is proof of this. Each week I will take this simple awareness to a whole new level.

I will even coach live callers to free themself of physical pain using only their mind, and then I'll provide you with a combination of practical and spiritual insights that you can use to master your mind, your emotions, and your. To help you heal your health yourself and your life. Let's begin.


Hello and welcome. It is so wonderful to connect with you. I just love that you are here continuing to expand your mind, your energy, your consciousness, your healing. I just love it and I just love today's episode. Today's volunteers just beautiful and the information that comes from this episode is just really sweet and transformational.

And. And just beautiful on so many levels. And part of what we're gonna be talking about is transforming your relationships and another part. Has to do with blaming self and feeling responsible for others and what can happen.

As you'll notice, what unfolds with our volunteer today is that she's had this pattern of [00:02:00] blaming herself for all kinds of things. You know, if something bad happens to somebody else, like her sister or her daughter, Then she blames herself for not having been there, you know, having somehow intercepted what was manifesting in their life.

And so what's happening is that basically she's been blaming herself, which is then blocking her. From manifesting what she's wanted in her life, and there's a lot of other pieces as well. Again, this episode is just so insightful and our volunteer who's had pain throughout her body, was able to do amazing with her energy and shift that and get rid of the pain and just really step into some beautiful insights.

Her self-awareness and her self honesty is just beautiful, and so I love that. And by the way, you know, I know all of the time. People will have that exact feeling of feeling like they need to take care of others and care and self-sacrifice or blame self. And those patterns [00:03:00] can run really deep in our culture.

But when you shift them, . It's so empowering. It feels liberating, and you know, even in what I do, where I'm helping people all of the time to radically shift their health and their life, I don't feel like I'm caregiving for somebody who's weak. Instead, what I really feel like I'm doing is I feel like I made some amazing discoveries and I love.

Sharing my discoveries and empowering people. So it is a process of people feeling empowered and aware of what's possible and how to use the mind, and knowing that we can get healing results and that we can radically change our lives and that feeling. So it's not like a caregiving feeling, it's a sharing discoveries feeling, an empowering feeling.

And that's what I love about what I do, is it just feels good to my being. And. As you'll notice, again, if you are blaming yourself or carrying heaviness from the things that [00:04:00] are happening with others, then again, it can keep you from manifesting what you're wanting in your life and feeling happy. And not only that, but it can be linked to the pain and problems.

In the energy. And so as you'll see with our beautiful volunteer, it can be linked to the very problems that are coming up. And so that said, our volunteer today, her name is Penny, and as you'll recall last week, , we covered the first half of her session, so her session was just so insightful that it broke it into two parts.

So the first half of the session we broke down and went through last week, and now we'll dive into the second half of the session with beautiful Penny. That said, we are gonna pick up at the part where we were talking about her sister. If you recall, her sister had. and she was blaming herself for her sister's death.

If she had only done this differently or that differently or been there, et cetera, et cetera, then it [00:05:00] wouldn't have happened was her feel to it. And so that said, let's go ahead and dive back in with Penny. Here we go.

Now I'm gonna ask you just for a moment to breathe. Now, at age 15, there was something bad that happened to your sister, uh, and you felt like it was your fault. Do you know what that is? No. I would've been about seven and a half, eight, uh, no, no. When you were 15, bingo. Oh, when I was 15. Yeah. And so can you give me your sister's initials?

Yes. D r Bingo. R. Okay, so R uh, say R again. R finger. Okay. So if I ask you what's the age difference between you and R? Uh, eight and a half years. Okay. Eight. She's eight and a half years [00:06:00] older? Yes. Okay. And so if you were 15 bingo, then she would've been 23, right? Yes. Okay, and so gimme one second. Let's do this.

If I ask you how often you felt like something bad happened and if only you were there, it wouldn't have happened. How many times have you felt that? I can't really say I Oh yes. Probably a lot. I love your self-awareness. Wow. Yes. You see it? Yes.

So if I ask you to notice how many times you've had that experience where you felt like, if I was only there, it wouldn't have happened. I could have done blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I want you to notice that. And how many times would you say that is? A lot. [00:07:00] A lot. Mm-hmm. . So I'm gonna ask you to breathe, and if I ask you how soon, so you wanna change this pattern in you?

Yeah, I'd highly recommend it. . Yeah. And I have to say, I love your self-awareness. You were like, no, I haven't. Oh, I see that now. . Yeah. Great self-awareness. Very, very, very impressive. Can you gimme your mom's initial R? Okay. And I'm gonna ask you to notice for a moment how many times you felt that even with R.

If you were there, things would've gone better, et cetera, et cetera. How many times did you feel that way? Probably a lot. Mm-hmm. . So I'm gonna ask you just for a moment to breathe, and I want you to notice your pattern. Everything that's created around us is all a dance, [00:08:00] right? . So if I ask you how many more times in this lifetime you wanna feel like if you had only been there, you could have intercepted what somebody else was manifesting.

If you had , if you had only been there to to outsmart the universe, you could have changed what was manifesting . Actually, I never wanna think it or feel it again.

I love you. Sense of humor and your self-awareness. You're beautiful. You're beautiful. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe.

All right, so let's go ahead and pause it just for a quick moment. You know, first and foremost, I just love her self-awareness, her self honesty, her sense of humor. She's just beautiful. And also, you know, her willingness to change we're, she sees something and she says, okay, look, I'm just gonna [00:09:00] change that.

I just love that. , and let's go ahead and unpack this a bit more because all of the time I see people who blame themselves for somebody else's hardship or somebody else's death, whether it is a spouse or even a sibling, or a child, or whomever it is. And what'll happen is it's like this feeling. They try to ignore it or suppress it, or bury it or justify it or tell themselves it's not.

and yet that feeling is buried in their subconscious mind. It's like they're constantly fighting it and suppressing it, but it starts to wreak havoc on their life where it really puts them in a state of pain. Or I've seen people who even go through an extremely hard time where they're sabotaging their own lives because they're telling themselves, oh, well, if I would've told.

Husband about this sooner. If I would've cooked him healthier food or her healthier food, or done this for my brother or sister, whomever it was, they [00:10:00] feel like they should've, could've, would've done more, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And again, I see it all the time, but what you wanna remember is that everybody is manifesting their own life.

So in other words, if you are manifesting something good or bad, it doesn't mean your brother or sister or whomever can come in and intercept that from you. And similarly, You can't intercept what somebody else is manifesting. And so if you would've been able to help that person a year earlier, then chances are they probably would have just found a way to not take the advice, not follow through, avoid your call, miss your call.

Something would've happened because again, if somebody's manifesting something, you. intercept that. And so just something to keep in mind. Making sure not to blame yourself. And if you are, then being willing to reflect on your own pattern and seeing what's present for you. Remembering to only take 100% responsibility for your 50%.

So if you have a pattern to change, has does [00:11:00] penny, then you wanna make sure to. And genuinely transform that. All right, so that said, let's go ahead and dive back in with beautiful Penny. Here we go.

And I'm gonna ask you to take in the feeling of changing this, of feeling like, you know what? Seeing people empowered around you, loving people, being empowered around you, feeling. And I'm gonna ask you to take that in, seeing people empowered around you, and it's so great. It's so great. Like even seeing your kids being empowered and what that looks like, seeing your husband being empowered and what does that look like?

Well, if I do get a husband, a new husband, I would love to see him empowered. Bingo. Exactly my point. Bingo. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe. [00:12:00] And I want you to think about exactly that, seeing a husband feeling empowered. Now I want you to think about the old pattern of caregiving for everybody.

All right? So I'm gonna go ahead and pause it just really quick. And as you may recall, on last week's episode, I mentioned that she was here for a reason. different than she consciously realized, meaning that she showed up because she said, you know, I'm having all this pain with my daughter and I just wanna release the amount of fear that I'm having towards my family.

And that's what she really wanted to release. And that feeling of also caregiving and what she could do for them. Was a feeling that came up very strong for her. But what's interesting is that the universe is telling her that part of what she can do for herself, and also it'll help her daughter, is [00:13:00] manifesting a great life, is being happy, is being healthy, and also, Manifesting a relationship for herself.

So that's what's beautiful. And there's gonna be more insights coming up as far as manifesting the relationship and aligning with that. And by the way, it's not just manifesting a relationship, it could also be transforming a current one. So that's where we're gonna go coming up. But I just wanted to note, it was interesting because this.

Some of the message that's coming through for her regarding a relationship, and the key part to note is that, as I mentioned previously, if you are blaming yourself and feeling bad, like punishing yourself, you actually block yourself from manifesting the very things that you are wanting in life. and you can end up manifesting illness and health issues and problems, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

And so that's where we're going is looking at genuinely transforming that. But that's part of also what's happening as she's starting to shift out the blame, [00:14:00] feeling more of the information about what she's wanting to manifest is actually starting to come in. And so that's where we're gonna be going as we step back in with beautiful Penny.

Here we go.

And I want you to think about for a moment how much you want a husband to care for. I don't. I really don't. . Exactly. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe. Your thoughts help create your life, right? Very true. I believe that. So what happens if you stop beating yourself up for not intercepting everybody else's stuff?

and instead are focused on where you wanna go and feeling deserving of it. Instead of feeling guilty and like, oh, it's your fault. And blaming yourself. It would be a lot easier to manifest what it is that you are wanting. You know what? You're right. . [00:15:00] You're right. Great. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe.

Okay. So real quick, I want you to notice your daughter got into substance abuse for a bit. . Okay. And if I ask you to notice how much you beat yourself up as a mother and felt like it was your fault, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, how much would you say that is? A lot. Mm-hmm. . So part of what's happening, and this is what you'll wanna know, is that you're beating yourself up.

So manifesting what it is that you are wanting in this life. Is making it very hard to do because you're telling yourself you're a bad mother and you've gotta fix these problems and you've gotta fix it, and you're not good, and you're being hard on yourself. Does that make sense? Yes. Mm-hmm. . And I want you to notice that if you ever did any type of substance, any of that stuff, I want you to notice that is your parent's fault,

No, . Yeah, you're right. [00:16:00] You're right. So, so I'm gonna ask you just for a moment to breathe.

And I want you to notice that if any of your siblings, and by the way, if I ask you how different were you and your sister? Very different. Notice that's your mom's fault,

Okay? So I'm gonna ask you to breathe.

Notice that's all your mom's doing all of it. It's all your mom's doing , and she created you and your sister a lot differently. She's like, okay, well I'm gonna create one, one way and one the other way. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe and I want you to notice how you've created your daughter. And she gets no credit for that whatsoever.

You created her and [00:17:00] it's all your fault. And that makes complete sense. Mm. Now what's interesting is this, is that a lot of times people will get patterns that are opposite of one another. And this is what I mean. So let's say that there's a mother who's, she's never felt good enough, hasn't felt good enough at all, and she hasn't felt good enough.

And so she's trying to be a perfectionist, perfectionist, perfectionist. So that's who she's being. And then she has a. Who has a pattern of feeling criticized. So now she's got a kid that's going, ah, I'm being criticized, I'm being criticized. And the mom is saying, but I'm trying to help you to be great, to help you to do all these things for you, to make you great.

Cuz she never felt good enough. And the kid's saying, ah, I'm being criticized. I'm being criticized. So if you think about it for a moment, you don't necessarily shape the kid. Sometimes the kid comes through with the exact opposite pattern that you may [00:18:00] have. Does that make. Yes. Yes. Like a right hand and a left hand.

They fit together well and they're exact opposites. ? Yes. Yes. Mm-hmm. . Bingo. And I'm gonna ask you just for a moment to breathe bingo. And if I ask you, how well is your other kid doing? He's doing good. And if I ask you, would you say there's a difference between your kids a little bit or a lot Polar opposite.

Oh, polar opposites all your fault. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe

So I'm gonna ask you to breathe, and could you be willing to stop blaming yourself? Yes. Great. So I'm gonna ask you just for a moment to breathe.

All right, so, uh, let's go ahead and pause it just for a quick moment. You know, first and foremost, again, I just love her sense [00:19:00] of humor, her self-awareness. She's just beautiful. I love her laugh, and as you can tell, I'm being a bit playful here as far as pushing a bit and being a bit ridiculous and playful just because.

All the time, people will blame themselves again for their kids. And I have seen families where literally, I mean, seven children and one of them ends up on drugs out of all of them. Or even I have seen twins where one twin has literally ended up working for the police department where another twin has ended up being on the wrong side of the law, who were raised in the same house.

Now, of course, how we're raised definitely influences us, but so too does past lives so too does how people interpret things in our own lives. So I'm not saying don't take any responsibility for how your kids grow up. Of course I'm not saying that, but I'm also not saying to blame yourself. If [00:20:00] you love your kids and you are trying and you are doing what you can, you know?

Everything manifests for a reason. And it's not about blaming yourself. I mean, to this day, I have not met a single human being who's absolutely flawless, who doesn't have anything to transform. And so we are of course, as human beings, we are perfect and wonderful, and we are also. Growing and learning just like a baby is learning how to walk and might fall on their butt and get up and learn to walk.

We as human beings, we're growing and learning and transforming, and so either way, point being is that all you can do is not blame yourself for the past, but be the best human being that you can be today. And if you see patterns or things you need to work on, then definitely transforming. , but the feeling of self blame about the past is just wasted time, wasted energy, and it's a pattern that you'll definitely wanna shift if you have that.

All right. So, uh, that said, [00:21:00] let's go ahead and dive back in with beautiful Penny. Here we go.

And if I ask you zero to 10 how much you feel like you deserve a relationship, what would you. I deserve positive relationships. Okay, so I'm gonna ask you to breathe, and if I ask you zero to 10, how much you feel like you deserve a new husband, zero to 10, what would you say? Honestly, remember, I can see into your energy.

I deserve an awesome husband. Okay, so I'm gonna ask you to breathe. when you said that I feel a level six. Before you said that, I felt a negative four. Do you know why? Why did you feel undeserving? Go ahead. Well, I don't know if it's undeserving, but I would love to have a loving relationship [00:22:00] where I'm the best part of his day.

He's the best part of my day. But we don't need to heal each other cuz we're. Hall, great. So I would love a relationship if I can have that, but if I can't have that, then I don't mind being alone. Okay. So I'm gonna ask you just for a moment to breathe, and if I ask you in the past how much you've had a fear that you have to take care of him, what would you say?

Well, I guess I was married for 30 years and I had to take care of him, so, Okay, so I'm gonna ask you to breathe. And I always tell people, don't change your patterns. Just expect them again and run from them.

I will change my pattern. Yeah, interestingly. And, and I'm, I'm being playful. And that's exactly where we wanted to go. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe [00:23:00] a and the real message that universe wanted me to deliver to you today. So there's different layers. But it actually had to do with the relationship. And it's saying, what are you picturing?

And notice for a moment, you have the dynamic of a relationship where you have to take care of the person. But let's be honest, that has been your energy and what you've attracted and wanted, and your pattern is taking care of everybody and feeling like you're blaming yourself for not doing it right.

Yes. Okay. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe, and I also want you to notice, so there's another piece. So notice the part of you. If I ask you zero to 10, how much you're afraid of marriage, what would you say? I'm not afraid of a good marriage, so I'm gonna ask you just for a moment to breathe. And I want you to notice exactly that.

If you knew that you could have a [00:24:00] relationship where you didn't have to take care of him and he didn't have to take care of you. But that you could celebrate life together. Yes. , right? So watch this. So I want you to picture just for a moment that somebody says they're afraid of dogs. What kind of dog are they picturing?

A dog that's barking or growling at them. Okay. There you go. Now, if somebody says they love dogs and they love dogs so much, what are they? Pic. A dog that's, you know, looking at them with those puppy eyes wagging its tail, wanting to be padded. Great. Now, if somebody says, I'm willing to get a dog, but I have to be very, very, very careful as to what type of dog I'm going to get, how's the energy on that?

Not good, right? What's the feeling? Distrust, uncertainty. Do I want one trepidation? So notice all those feelings. Now if I ask you,[00:25:00]

All right, so let's go ahead and pause it just for a quick moment. You know, I wanna take a moment and break this down because all of the time people want a relationship and they're also afraid of a relationship, or they may not even want a relationship at all because they're picturing it. As being horrible.

You know, I'll see people who are wanting a relationship and they say, oh, but women always reject me, or Men always hurt my feelings, or Women always hurt me, whatever it is. People are always seeing this on both sides, not just men, but women both ways. All the time. People will have these patterns of feeling like, oh, well, I have to take care of the person, et cetera.

That's what you'll want to notice is, you know, if you think about in Penny's case, she has this pattern of feeling like she's gotta care for others and even blaming herself. And so what happens is, of course, that's what's gonna show up in relationships. And so with somebody who might have [00:26:00] a pattern of feeling abandonment.

They say, well, yeah, I'd like to have a relationship with him or her, or whomever, but I'm afraid of being abandoned. And so what's happening is it stops them from having a relationship. And instead, what you'll wanna do is exactly what I'm talking about with Penny right here, is transform your relationship.

Start seeing it in a different way, what it is that you are wanting. So in other words, if you are saying, I want a relationship, but I'm terrified of rejection, or terrified of feeling unloved. Then I wanna invite you to look at the pattern in your life of rejection or feeling unloved. So instead of just avoiding a relationship, notice what emotional pattern you're wanting to avoid and transform that because using the dog analogy, you know, if you're afraid of dogs, Then you're picturing a certain type of dog.

If you're thinking, oh my God, dogs are so wonderful and sweet, you're picturing a different type. And so [00:27:00] whether the relationship, if you're picturing men or women being ferocious, or mean or abandoning or needy, or whatever it is, I want to invite you to transform that pattern inside of you and also your picture of what you're wanting to t.

In your life. All right, so that said, let's go ahead and dive back in with beautiful Penny. Here we go.

Men are wonderful. And if I ask you to notice, which version were you picturing, what were your real feelings towards the relationship? You know what I was picturing a dog that wasn't displaying who it really was was just sitting. So now I understand. Great. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe, and I want you to picture the most amazing, wonderful relationship that is loving, that is so sweet.

You're not caregiving, you've changed you, [00:28:00] you have changed you. So I want you to notice all the time people wanna manifest something and they're like, I just wanna manifest this. I just want a picture of the perfect partner, et cetera, et cetera. But notice I'm not saying that I'm saying. Yes. I want you to get a picture of that relationship and that you have gotta change self because self has a pattern of feeling like you have to take care of people and you are not going to manifest out of that pattern.

Does that make sense, ? Yes. Yes. Great. So I'm gonna ask you to breathe, and I want you to think about your vision of the most beautiful, wonderful relationship. It's so great. It's sweet, it's wonderful, it's loving. It's so great. And you're willing to change self. Now, by the way, if I ask you how much you've been wanting and craving a relationship, what would you say?

I have? Yeah. Can I tell you? You think that you are like, literally, the universe says the majority of the reason that you're [00:29:00] here is because you've been asking and wondering, and asking and wondering, and that yes, there's these other things going on that need to be heal. But this is about you, not just about others.

So notice how you felt like you were showing up here for your daughter. Can you see that? Yes. You are showing up for you today and you need to know that, and that needs to be okay. Does that make sense? Actually, it feels great. Beautiful. Which is amazing because when I started I can't, I could feel pain and throughout my body and now I feel.

Throughout my body, . I love that. I love it. I love it. And if I ask you, by the way, zero to 10, what your level of pain is in your body right now, what would you say? I would say it's a negative something cuz I feel really light inside. Beautiful. I love that. I just adore you. You're beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, uh, universe actually says, universe says complete.[00:30:00]

I'm gonna ask you to breathe. You're beautiful. I love your self-awareness. I love your smile and your glow and your self honesty. You're just beautiful. You're just beautiful. And may I say, I think you're one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen in my life. , you're so sweet. It touches my heart.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I absolutely adore you. So make sure to embrace this. Make sure to follow through, embrace the change fully, fully, fully, fully, fully. Okay? Yes. It has been such a pleasure connecting with you. Thank you so much. You're so welcome.

All right, so let's go ahead and unpack this even more. And of course, first and foremost, just acknowledging Penny. I mean, what a great job with her energy releasing her physical pain, feeling better in her body. So, so great. And I believe her starting number of pain was about a level eight or average daily pain was somewhere in [00:31:00] there.

So shifting that and she. And also just so many insights and such a great job being willing to change. And again, just a beautiful sense of humor. And that's what I wanna invite you to look at is, you know, likely right now you probably understand why I broke this session into. two different episodes because there were a lot of different insights to take away from this.

And so I wanna invite you to just take one piece that you could apply to your life and look at how you can implement that. You know, maybe it is that you're picturing relationships are horrible, so you're avoiding them or. You're wanting one, but then simultaneously afraid of it. So maybe that's it. Or maybe you're currently in a relationship and you're frustrated because it's got your pattern in it, and maybe you need to transform that.

Maybe you say, okay, look. I'm willing to look at the pattern on the inside and genuinely change. And by the way, . So often people [00:32:00] feel like they're stuck. Once they're in a relationship, they're stuck and they can't transform the pattern. But all of the time I have seen people who have taken patterns that they've had for 40 years, and it's like they transform them inside themselves and they also transform their relationships in the most beautiful way.

So if you're already in a relationship, making sure to still transform your pattern and of. If you are blaming yourself for anything, making sure to let that go. Blame is such a waste of time. So forgiving yourself, letting it go completely, and just being willing to not do it again, you know, not making the same mistake again, being an integrity, of course, is so important and of course can help you manifest even more into your life.

And so just again, so many takeaways. I wanna invite you to write something down to embody that in your. , and I'm gonna ask you, as always, if you could please hit this share button [00:33:00] on this episode. You know, share it with somebody you love, somebody you care about, or somebody you don't even know because they're more empowered that every single person is in our world, the better this world is for all of us.

And so on that note, please do make it a most incredible, wonderful, loving. Rest of your day and I look forward to connecting with you on the next episode. We'll see you there.

Thank you for listening to Heal Yourself Change. All of the time people reach out and say how much these episodes have given them hope or touched their heart, or help them stay positive in hard times, or even woken them up to a completely new level of awareness of how amazing we all really are. If today's episode touched your heart or expanded your [00:34:00] mind in any way, please do me a favor and be sure to share it with those you care about or those you know who really.

As more and more people become empowered, it really will change our world for the better. That is the point and the power of these demonstrations is to create a radical shift in our world consciousness by showing everyone what we are all capable of. And of course, each volunteer will really need to follow through to reinforce their programming, to maintain their results.

But the point. For you to see that you really can create rapid results in your health and your life if you really understand how to use your mind. You are incredible. And I do wanna be clear though, that most people will not get results this fast on their own. I make it look very easy because of the discoveries that I made.

You'll wanna remember that there's so much more going on [00:35:00] in our minds at a deeper level than people. That said, if you wanna send me any questions or comments, come visit me on my [email protected] slash podcast. And if you're currently experiencing physical pain and would like to be a volunteer on the show, you can sign up there as well.

Lastly, Please remember, if you do have any health issues, you won't want to avoid your doctors. Instead, you'll wanna continue seeing them and make it your goal to blow their minds with what you are capable of with your mind. Thank you.

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