IQ-104: Transcript: From Emotionally Reactive to Emotionally Intelligent Parenting: Preventing Negative Patterns

Heal Yourself Change Your Life

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Welcome to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life. My name is Brandy Gillmore, and after recovering from my own life-changing injury, it's become my mission to share with others the same discoveries I made that changed my health and my entire. Our minds are truly incredible. The placebo is proof of this. Each week I will take this simple awareness to a whole new level.

I will even coach live callers to free themself of physical pain using only their mind, and then I'll provide you with a combination of practical and spiritual insights that you can use to master your mind, your emotions, and your. To help you heal your health yourself and your life. Let's begin.

 

Hello and welcome to this week's quick IQ episode where we talk about insights and questions. And today we have a really great question from a listener that has to do with parenting. And what I love by the way, about parenting ones is that even if you don't have kids, you can still use the inform. For insights regarding your own mindset, because all of the time.

Patterns linked up in childhood. So the more that we can identify problematic patterns and genuinely transform them, of course, the better that makes our entire world life. Happiness, health, relationships, just everything. So that's another thing that I just love about these episodes. And of course, the fact that all of the time [00:02:00] mothers are messaging in saying, oh my gosh, this episode regard.

Whatever it is, helped out so much. So I love that as well, which is exactly what we have today, is a beautiful listener wrote in and asked a question and she sent an email in and it says, hi Brandy and team. I just recently started listening to your podcast. One of my friends referred me. And I have been binge listening and I love it.

I just got to the ones on parenting and they have been so helpful. I just had my third child and I'm wondering if you could give me any piece of advice that might be helpful for me on my journey, whether for her or my two older kids, they're eight and 12. That would be really appreci. Thank you so much for your podcast and for everything you do, it's nice to have something positive in the world to listen to.

Thank you. All right, so let's go ahead and unpack this. And of course, first and foremost, [00:03:00] congratulations on the baby. And secondly, you know, she mentioned in the beginning of her email, she said, Brandy and team, and I just wanna take a really quick moment to acknowledge my team. I know it looks like I do everything and I have to give credit where credit is due.

My team helps me out so much. I just have such an amazing team. I'm super, super grateful. So I just wanna say that, and for those of you who have emailed and and connected with my team, you know, they're just the most amazing people.

Sweet, kind, wonderful, caring, just, I feel so blessed. So I just wanted to put that out there to give credit where credit is due and they're just lovely. So, That said, all right. Diving into this question of what is just one piece of advice that I could give her for parenting, and I would say it is this. As far as mind programming, I would say there are two things that you'll wanna do, and first and foremost, number one is to become the best salesperson in the world.

And this is what I mean. Is that [00:04:00] the more you can sell them on great things, on doing wonderful things, the better it. And easier it is for their mind programming on every level. You know, if they come into this world and they're really excited about life and they have something to look forward to in their future, or they learn to have that type of mindset that they're looking forward to this, maybe it's even looking forward to next week or looking forward to growing up and doing this or doing that, but whatever it is, having a mindset.

That is looking forward to something is huge, and so the idea of coming into this world and feeling that is great. Now, even when it comes to mind programming about little things, the more that you can even program them in the direction that you want them to go in a positive way, even for day-to-day things is going to be very beneficial for that for.

If you could sell them on the idea of sharing, like sharing is [00:05:00] so wonderful and it's fun and it's great. That is a wonderful experience with great mind programming. Now, on the flip side of that, something I'll see all of the time, especially with multiple siblings, is it somebody's being told and forced to share?

No, you have to share this with your brother. You have to share this with your sister. And what happens a lot of times is that people grow. And they feel like they're bad for wanting something for themselves or like they're gonna get in trouble or selfish, and so it then also stops them from really creating the life that they would want, however, Let's say the mind programming around sharing something is done in a fun way where it says, Hey, you can play and let's share too, because sharing with your siblings, that is fun and it's more playtime and it's more connecting.

Now what you've done is you've brought in even more feelings of joy, of excitement, of [00:06:00] fun, so it's expansive so they can have both. Because a lot of times the wounding that comes up for people comes from. Some type of negative mind programming where they get in trouble for not doing this or not doing that, or not sharing or being selfish or whatever it is, but there's negative feelings that become associated with it that then end up blocking a person as an adult.

Now, it also then affects the children. It's a lot more work, parenting where then there's, they did something wrong and then they're in punishment. And then if they're in punishment, they're a bad kid and, and that negativity can spiral because then they see themselves as being negative. And so, you know, when I say become the best salesperson in the world, I mean, sell them on all the great things that you do want them to do.

Now I do wanna. I'm not against negative mind programming. And what I mean by that is that we do need some [00:07:00] negative mind programming, but carefully done. And what I mean by that is that, you know, for example, if somebody is standing on a mountain, they wanna have, you wanna have in your nervous system, that falling off the cliff would be very painful.

That's negative programming. So we have, you know, staying on the mountain really great, falling off, painful. And we do want that programming because if somebody's on the mountain and they don't care whether or not they fall off a mountain or not, that's not a good thing. And so negative programming can help, but just not emotionally intense charged.

Negative programming. So that's another piece that you're gonna wanna think about is exactly that. So when it comes to negative mind programming, it doesn't have to be intensely painful or intensely emotional. Meaning this [00:08:00] meaning let's say that you want to program a baby or a young. Not to touch the stove.

You could tell them through repetition. Owie, hot, don't touch, you know, owie hot, don't touch. So they learn. Not to touch it, you know, you don't have to put their hand on it and burn them for them to not touch the stove. You don't have to be really intensive at it because that could create an emotional trauma, which is not needed.

And so that's the other piece that you'll wanna look at is really looking at mind programming. What do you want them to have? Programmed in their mind is, you know, of course not a lot of negative intensity because it creates negative patterns. And so those are the two pieces that I wanna invite you to look at is making sure that they are getting some negative programming, you know, some things of what not to do, and that you're [00:09:00] willing to do repetition.

Now, I know that this sounds odd, but let me unpack this for a moment because this is the thing is, you know, let's say. They ask a few times and you get upset. Well, a few things happen. First and foremost, what they really. Is how to push your buttons. So that's one thing, and I see that all of the time where once kids know how to push your buttons, it's not a good thing.

They'll know how to push them and they can get good at that. And so that is one thing. The other thing is, is they start to get that emotional intensity of negativity and that's what drives somebody's way of thinking. You know, kind of, for example, you know, if you are really, really, really, really happy or you're really, really in.

What do you think about, you think about all the great things you think about, all the great things in that person. If you are really, really pissed off, what do you think about all of the negative things in that person or what you hate about them or blah blah blah. So our [00:10:00] emotions, Help control our experience.

And so let's say with kids, if you get them really, really charged up, you say no, and they're really, really, really intensely charged. Well, not only is it stressful for them and it creates lifelong patterns, but it also. Kind of hijacks their thinking. You know, it's like if you've had before ever an argument where hours later you're still having that argument in your head, that is the unfortunate reality of intense negativity.

And so my point being is if you need to repeat something, do so and have a spine. So I'm not saying keep repeating yourself. And give in. What I'm saying is being firm with something and be willing to repeat yourself without being triggered or upset. Because the more upset that you get, the more that it's not good for you or your health or [00:11:00] them, or their health or their patterns or your patterns for that matter, and it's not productive.

And so if instead you keep in. That. Okay. Sometimes repetition is gonna be required and you just stay calm with it, and you stay firm and you have your boundaries for certain things. But you can do so in a way that is non escalating, that doesn't increase the emotional intensity, you win because it will be easier.

For that child to maintain more positivity because that's how the mind works. You know, when our emotions control our mindset. And so the more that they don't go into the extreme negatives, the better it's gonna be. And so the more you can think in terms of exactly that, of not making any negative circumstances emotionally charged, that will be huge to do.

And by the way, on that, Another thing is that if you do [00:12:00] have triggers, then you'll want to make sure to do your own work. That is huge because let's be honest, we know that emotions breed more of the same. You know, if you've been listening to past episodes, you'll hear me use the unfortunate example all of the time where there's the woman who has the abusive father and leaves him and finds the abusive boyfriend, boss, spouse, et cetera, et cetera.

That pattern continues. Now, what's also true is all of the. People will have that pattern then recreate in their relationships with their kids in one way or another. And so if you know that you have some negative relationship patterns, I would definitely encourage you to make sure to do your own work and genuinely, Clear those up.

So I wanna unpack this a bit more because you're gonna start to see where there's a bit of an issue in our culture and in our way of thinking with kids. And it's this, you know, when we think about how do people learn, we learn through [00:13:00] repetition. Even when your kids start learning the alphabet, they have repetition.

They get better and better at it, or even when they learn how to write, the more they do it, the more they get better and better at it. Now, a lot of times what can happen is this, let's say that a parent has told their child not to do something once. And then they notice their kid is doing it again. What can happen is this is the parent can suddenly feel.

Feelings of disrespected of not being listened to, of feeling like the kid is pushing their boundaries. And I think you might see where I'm going with this is that kids are learning. So sometimes we do need to tell them something repeatedly and maybe what they're learning is they're getting it programmed in or maybe what they are learning at that point.

Is that there are boundaries, whatever it is, being willing to have [00:14:00] patience is also a key factor. So just food for thought on that is both on the positive side, anything that you are wanting them to do. Really trying to be, quote unquote, the best salesperson in the world on getting them to do the things that you want them doing, getting them excited about it and to feel good about it.

And if there is a need for negative programming, that you make sure to have as much patience as you can around it and not give them a lot of negative emotional intensity. So that's another piece. And then, Lastly, always, always, always making a point to have positive reinforcement to just acknowledge people.

It feels good. And you know what is so funny, and I actually did not plan this out, is at the very beginning of this, I acknowledge my team, and that is funny because I'm talking about acknowledgement right now, and people love to be acknowledged and it's a great thing. Everybody loves to be acknowledged and so on that note, acknowledge somebody you.

For [00:15:00] something wonderful that they're doing and just bringing it back to the topic for a moment as far as kids, if you can get great at acknowledging something in them, even a surprise acknowledgement here or there. That goes a long way because let's be honest, we've all heard before, if kids don't get positive attention, they'll get negative attention.

And if you as a parent can make a point to feel good at giving them positive attention and positive acknowledgement, it can go a long way towards. Keeping your child on track proactively, you know, from them striving and connecting through positive ways and positive attention in life as they grow up and really help reinforce positive patterns to help them to be successful.

And so I love that. That was the last part of the insight, because I wanna end right there and say, You know that was today's quick IQ episode, and I wanna invite you to take any piece of [00:16:00] this and apply it in your life. And this last piece of acknowledgement, I wanna invite you to use it in your life today, somewhere with somebody in your life.

Just taking a moment to stop and acknowledge. Something wonderful that they are or doing or being in your life. All right, so that said, it has been so wonderful to connect with you and I wanna ask you to please do make a point to hit the share button on this episode. You know, share it with somebody you love.

Somebody you care about or somebody you don't even know. Because the more happy and healthy that every single person is in our world, the better this world is for all of us and that includes our beautiful, wonderful kids of the world. So I love that. So please do hit the share button and please do make a point to have a most wonderful, fantastic rest of your day, and I look forward to connecting with you on the next episode.

We'll see you.[00:17:00]

Thank you for listening to Heal Yourself, change Your Life. All of the time people reach out and say how much these episodes have given them, hope or touched their heart, or help them stay positive in hard times, or even woken them up to a completely new level of awareness. Of how amazing we all really are.

If today's episode touched your heart or expanded your mind in any way, please do me a favor and be sure to share it with those you care about or those you know who really need it. As more and more people become empowered, it really will change our world for the better. That is the point and the power of these demonstrations is to create a radical shift in our world consciousness by showing every.

What we are all capable of. And of course each volunteer will really need to follow through to reinforce their programming, to maintain their results. But the point is for you to see that you really can create rapid results in your health and your life if you really understand how to use your mind. You are incredible.

And I do wanna be clear though, that most people will not get results this fast on their. I make it look very easy because of the discoveries that I made. You'll wanna remember that there's so much more going on in our minds at a deeper level than people realize. That said, if you wanna send me any questions or comments, come visit me on my website@brandygilmore.com slash podcast.

And if you're currently experiencing physical pain and would like to be a volunteer on the show, you can sign up there as well. Last. Please remember, if you do have any health issues, you won't want to avoid your doctors. Instead, you'll wanna continue seeing them and make it your goal to blow their minds with what you are capable of with your mind.

Thank you.

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