IQ-111: Transcript: Creating Parent-Child Bonds That Kids Can *Feel* and Learn From

Heal Yourself Change Your Life

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Welcome to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life. My name is Brandy Gillmore, and after recovering from my own life-changing injury, it's become my mission to share with others the same discoveries I made that changed my health and my entire. Our minds are truly incredible. The placebo is proof of this. Each week I will take this simple awareness to a whole new level.

I will even coach live callers to free themself of physical pain using only their mind, and then I'll provide you with a combination of practical and spiritual insights that you can use to master your mind, your emotions, and your. To help you heal your health yourself and your life. Let's begin.

 

Hello, and welcome to this week's Quick IQ episode where we talk about insights and questions. And today we have a really great question from a listener based on last week's IQ episode. And we have some additional powerful insights that you can apply for yourself in your life or towards your children if you have them.

So that said, let's dive in. You know, last week as a quick reminder, we were talking about how children can get feelings of being afraid linked up. With feelings of love and that I see it happen all of the time, which unfortunately then creates a pattern. And let's be honest, you know, there's a lot of children who are suffering from anxiety and [00:02:00] panic and all of these emotional challenges that I just wanted to provide some depth of information, you know, on that topic to help to see if we can make some changes.

In our world and, and bring some awareness to it. So I love that. And so we were talking about being cautious with kids when they are experiencing fear, that part of what you'll wanna do is make sure to show them that it is safe. So training them towards feeling safe so you can show them instead of giving them too much coddling or love for the fear, just because, again, those two things get linked up together.

You know, anytime two things occur at the same time. They get linked up just like you know, a wedding song is a common example of that or any music. As soon as you hear that song, you immediately think about how you felt and that connection and the love and you know that moment. And the only reason that that gets linked up.

Is because those two things occurred at the same time and there was a lot of [00:03:00] emotion around it, and so they get linked up. And so that's what happens when kids have extreme amount of feelings of feeling afraid, and then they get linked up with, oh my gosh, here's love, and here's a bunch of love and safety wrapped in one.

It gets linked up. Now the question that was sent in from last week's episode is, Somebody asked the question, she said, well, do we just push the kid away? That can't be good for them and I can't coach them at two years old, so what am I supposed to do? And so first and foremost, you wanna remember that we were talking about retraining them.

So we definitely don't wanna push them away. That wouldn't feel safe either. So if they were feeling afraid, And we push them away. That doesn't train them to safety. And so instead what you wanna do is you wanna think in terms of emotions because if you suddenly, if they're feeling afraid of something and you push them away, they're going to feel worse.

And so we definitely [00:04:00] don't wanna do that. So the goal is the outcome on how they. Feel. Okay. Now, let's say it is a two-year-old that's feeling afraid, and let's say that this two-year-old is hysterical. Then of course what you would wanna do is calm them down and then show them that it's safe and you'll really wanna show them so they feel it.

So they feel, look, this is safe, and they really feel it, feel it, feel it. So that is how you create that shift Now, There's a few things I wanna unpack here for a moment. One of which has to do with coaching your kids. Another one has to do with training. Now, a few things, you know, as far as training goes, anytime we talk about something you wanna do with children, you wanna make sure to really implement it to what is age appropriate, you know, um, if you think about.

Young kids, toddlers, babies, you know, when they're learning how to walk, what do [00:05:00] they do? They stand up and then they fall, and then they stand up and they fall. They stand up, they start walking, they fall, and then before you know it, they're two years old and they're getting into everything. But from this, when you stop and think about it, the way that they learn, they pick up on information.

And so point being is that, As you're training your kids and they're learning from you, they don't have to learn everything all at once. And so if it is a young two-year-old, it doesn't mean that everything has to be learned in one moment, but consistency is key. And so there are a few things you wanna think about is that if you've ever seen a baby fall down on their butt before and look at you, For how do they respond?

And then, you know, if you go, oh my gosh, suddenly they're crying. You know, if you say, oh, dusted off, a lot of times you can get them through instead of crying. [00:06:00] They can kind of start to or skip it, you know, it depends on what your reaction is. And so, If we unpack this further, if we think about a kid who's really, really afraid and a mom comes and says, coddles the kid, and coddles the kid and says, oh, I've got you.

I've got you. And that is the reaction. Then that's the programming that the child gets. But if the mom says, Hey, I've got you, and look at this, it's so safe, it's so safe, and really moves to the next level, that's what you want. So it's not an an unloving process, it's a transformative process. So it just doesn't stop at the love part because you know, if you think about it in another way, Let's say that somebody was trying to get sympathy from their mom, and they're, they're trying to get sympathy.

They're trying to get sympathy, and the mom says, you know, I understand and I can't give you sympathy. You know, I'm not gonna feel sorry for you. I feel compassion. I get it. Let's see what the [00:07:00] solution is. With consistency, what happens is that the child stops looking for sympathy. Because they're not going to get it from you because you're not giving them that.

And so point being is just noticing what your response is. And of course, definitely making it age appropriate. And also noticing where you end up with them. You know, what is the final emotion from that event? That is what will be the lasting programming. By the way, on that note, there are a few other key insights that I wanna share with you.

Some of which are related to children, and then some of which also you can use in your life for yourself as well. And so one other piece that I really wanna highlight from this question that was sent in was that she mentioned that, you know, if a kid is only two years old, you can't yet coach them and.

That's a part that I really wanna highlight because something that I'm seeing happen, like a growing issue that I'm [00:08:00] seeing and that I'm seeing more of, and it's this, it's that it is well known in psychology that our relationships can mimic the relationships that we had in early, early childhood. Right?

So this is. Well-known in Psychology as attachment theory. You know, in past episodes, you've probably heard me use the example before, that unfortunately a woman can have an abusive father and then leave him and find the abusive boyfriend, boss, spouse, et cetera, et cetera. You know, unfortunately that pattern can continue.

Now, if we expand on this for a moment, this awareness that when we grow up our relationships, Tend to be similar to those in early childhood. What I've seen happen more and more with therapists is that I've seen people who have, maybe with a parent that is a therapist and where all children grow up. And have extreme need for therapists.

You know, one client that I worked with, his father was a [00:09:00] psychiatrist who used to give them a lot of therapy and coaching at a very young age because he wanted them to be perfect and he had the best intentions for them. The problem is, is he didn't think about attachment theory that instead of it being great for them, He was actually defining their relationships of what they would experience growing up.

Now, my point being is that I'm seeing more and more of this where people who are therapy their kids a lot are. There's, there's more issues growing up, and part of that again, is not necessarily because the parent is teaching them anything wrong, but we have to remember that there's a different type of development that is going on at this age compared to when somebody's an adult.

And also keep in mind that patterns can show up in a variety of different ways. You know, one person may have a parent who's a therapist and maybe. They might wanna grow up and be a [00:10:00] therapist and another one may recreate that exact same relationship where they feel like they constantly need therapy and require therapy on a deep level because that was the mother, son, or mother daughter relationship, and that gets linked up.

And so, you know, patterns can show up in a variety of different ways, and just my point being from this is that, you know, instead of coaching your kids on what you've learned or therapy being them, what you'll want to do is love them and train them based on how you respond and how you are, and create that loving, wonderful, bonding relationship with them instead of creating.

A coaching style, therapy style relationship with them, cuz that's not really what's going to ultimately serve them. So what's great is that it gives you a chance to really embody that relationship also. So what's great for them, and it's great for you and showing and leading by your example and by your reactions [00:11:00] is really ultimately, The best thing for them.

And by the way, you know, I mentioned there were a few other insights that I really wanted to bring in, and it's this, you know, some people who are listening to this might think to themselves, oh my gosh, I made a mistake, or I. You might start to think to yourself, my parents ingrained this negative pattern in me and this negative pattern, and all of the time I've seen people who have been angry with their parents for not doing something right.

And the truth of it is, is that to this day, I have never met. A perfect human being who's never made a mistake. I mean, in some ways we're all perfect, and let's be honest, we've all made mistakes. I've made mistakes. You've made mistakes. Our parents have made mistakes. The truth of it is we're humans. We're growing, we're transforming, we're learning.

And so, Point being is this is the insight that I want to bring to you today is this, is that, define how you want the relationship to feel. You know, [00:12:00] if it is towards your children, then defining what that looks like. You know, knowing about attachment theory or knowing that patterns breed more of the same, or, you know, knowing that in many cases they'll grow up and create similar types of patterns.

In their lives, even if they don't consciously realize it. And so deciding how you wanted to feel and embodying that. And also if you are somebody who grew up and you see your patterns with your parents and you felt frustrated or upset because you know that they weren't perfect, defining how you want the relationship to be now.

You know, all the time people can feel upset with their parents because they didn't do everything perfectly. But let's be honest, not only is everybody not perfect, but then additionally, you know, having your parents not teach you about emotions. Growing up, I've had people say, you know, my parents never taught me to connect with my [00:13:00] emotions, or, my parents never taught me to love myself.

And a lot of parents, Didn't know. That's like being mad at your parents for not getting you a computer in the 18 hundreds. It just wasn't around. And the awareness of energy and emotions and understanding how they really work is still evolving. And so if you notice any part of you. Feeling pissed off with your parents are frustrated.

I wanna invite you to make sure to let that go as well, and instead defining what type of relationship you would like that to be. Now what I love is this, you know, everything always unfolds in such divine timing. And if you think about our last volunteer episode, which was episode one 90, if you recall, we had a beautiful volunteer.

Her name's Kat. She just, uh, just a beautiful heart, beautiful, beautiful being, great self-awareness. And what I love was her willingness to change. You know, if you recall from that episode, [00:14:00] She had had a lot of hurt and anger and frustration towards her husband, and simultaneously had so much love for him and really wanted things to work out.

And what I love was that she was really willing to start embracing change, real change. And as she did, her pain started decreasing and, and shifting, which was beautiful. And of course there's more to unpack from that episode, which we'll be doing on episode 1 91 coming up. But my point is, She was willing to change first.

And so on that note, I wanna invite you on today's quick IQ episode to really look at the relationship that you have with your parents. And I wanna invite you to look at and, and decide how it is that you would like that to be. Is it great already or is there a way that it could be even better, even more loving, even more amazing.

And if so, I wanna invite you to get a picture of what that would look like. And see if you can start moving [00:15:00] your life in that direction. And by the way, if you are in a place where your parents may have already transitioned, you can still do this exercise in that you can still look at how you want to feel about them as your remaining feelings.

Because a lot of times people may think that if their parents have passed, then those relationships don't impact them anymore. And that is definitely not the case. I have worked with plenty of people to help them release their pain and shift their health from all kinds of things, even if the parent has already passed.

And so that said, the shift then, of course, would need to take place and change inside of you. And of course, as you make those changes, as you genuinely feel differently, it shifts your energy and that's what creates that real shift in your health, in your life, in your happiness, in your patterns that you're attracting.

So it can be pivotal on every level. All right, [00:16:00] so that said, those are today's insights, and I also wanna ask you to please do hit the share button on this episode. You know, share it with somebody you love, somebody you care about, or somebody you don't even know. Because the more happy and healthy and empowered that every single person is in this world, the better this world is for all of us.

And so please do make a point to have a most wonderful. Fantastic rest of your day, and I look forward to connecting with you on the next episode. We'll see you there.

Thank you for listening to Heal Yourself, change Your Life. All of the time people reach out and say how much these episodes have given them, hope or touched their heart, or help them stay positive in hard times, or even woken them up to a completely new level of awareness. Of how amazing we all really are.

If today's episode touched your heart or expanded your mind in any way, please do me a favor and be sure to share it with those you care about or those you know who really need it. As more and more people become empowered, it really will change our world for the better. That is the point and the power of these demonstrations is to create a radical shift in our world consciousness by showing every.

What we are all capable of. And of course each volunteer will really need to follow through to reinforce their programming, to maintain their results. But the point is for you to see that you really can create rapid results in your health and your life if you really understand how to use your mind. You are incredible.

And I do wanna be clear though, that most people will not get results this fast on their. I make it look very easy because of the discoveries that I made. You'll wanna remember that there's so much more going on in our minds at a deeper level than people realize. That said, if you wanna send me any questions or comments, come visit me on my [email protected] slash podcast.

And if you're currently experiencing physical pain and would like to be a volunteer on the show, you can sign up there as well. Last. Please remember, if you do have any health issues, you won't want to avoid your doctors. Instead, you'll wanna continue seeing them and make it your goal to blow their minds with what you are capable of with your mind.

Thank you.

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