IQ-112: Transcript: Transforming Patterns to Transform & Uplevel Your Relationships

Heal Yourself Change Your Life

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Welcome to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life. My name is Brandy Gillmore, and after recovering from my own life-changing injury, it's become my mission to share with others the same discoveries I made that changed my health and my entire. Our minds are truly incredible. The placebo is proof of this. Each week I will take this simple awareness to a whole new level.

I will even coach live callers to free themself of physical pain using only their mind, and then I'll provide you with a combination of practical and spiritual insights that you can use to master your mind, your emotions, and your. To help you heal your health yourself and your life. Let's begin.


Hello and welcome to this week's quick IQ episode where we talk about insights and questions. And today I wanna share with you a question from a listener that's really great about relationships and cleaning them up and maybe a new relationship. And staying in a relationship or leaving a relationship.

I mean, just, there's a lot of questions that actually come through in today's question, um, regarding relationships and just so many questions. So I love where we're going today. And that said, I'm gonna go ahead and dive into her question. And by the way, she starts it out and she says hello, Brandy and her amazing team.

I hope you guys are so great. I have been listening to tons of episodes lately and I wanted to [00:02:00] share just how valuable they are to me. They helped me screw my head on straight, so a million thanks to you, Brandy, and to everyone who supports this work. It's honestly life changing and so. I love that. And I also wanna take a moment to echo what she's saying and just say, you know, honestly, I have a wonderful, amazing team, and I just wanna say everything that I do, I couldn't do without my team.

And, and just so thank you for them. And also for all of you who support this, who share this, who get it out there, who, uh, show up. I just, I'm so, so grateful and I just, I love. The comments that always come back on how much people are loving it and it's changing their lives and it's helping them, and I just, it just touches my heart in the most beautiful way.

So thank you for being here. Thank you for being you. Thank you for supporting it. Thank you for sharing it. And thank you for being part of this wonderful, beautiful journey of life. So thank you. And. Diving into her question, she says. Now, [00:03:00] I also wanted to ask a question in case Brandy finds it to be a good iq.

One, I manifested a romantic relationship that has a lot of great aspects and also a lot of not so great aspects. The pattern that I got from my mother towards my father was that she adored him so much. But at the same time, she felt like he was wrong for her, almost a bit destructive to her happiness due to his level of consciousness, and that she didn't want to be around him.

So I vacillate between adoring my partner so deeply and feeling like he's got so many issues, self beating and not feeling good enough, especially that he's not the one. Of course, I know that I'm not perfect either. What happens is everything is great for a bit. Then he'll do something that will trigger a feeling of judgment that he's not good enough and anger in me the way I felt towards my dad.

And I try to do my best not to react, but often I do, and then [00:04:00] I feel guilt. And then I also fear that my dream vision for creating a peaceful, happy, loving relationship with a beaming man will pass me by if I stay, and then I feel more guilt. I know I can control my reality with my energy, but how much can I control another's?

Is it possible that if I imagine him and us suddenly become the version I would like that we would become it. Where is the line between respecting others and not trying to change them and honoring your own dreams for your life? How much impact can you have on others' energy with your mind? And is that even an integrity?

Also, would you find it possible to embody the greater vision while living together and not get distracted by the not so great reality? In short, how do you know if someone is a path to your dream vision or a distraction from it? I know there are a lot of questions in there. Thank you so much for hearing me out.

[00:05:00] Guys. Much love everyone. Beautiful. All right. So, uh, yes, there are definitely a lot of questions, a lot of really, really great questions. So, first and foremost, yes, spot on. As far as trying to change a partner, you wouldn't wanna do that. That is out of integrity. You know, if somebody was trying to change any of us and we didn't wanna change, That's not in good integrity.

And so you definitely don't wanna do that with your partner unless your partners on board and your partners wanting to change themselves. And then of course, let them enjoy that because having a sense of empowerment is a beautiful thing. I mean, when people in a relationship can both feel empowered.

That's what you want. You know, it's a magical feeling. So I love the self-awareness. Now, as far as the question kind of, you know, looking at the big question, if we stop and think about it for a moment, you know, it's that feeling of saying, [00:06:00] should I stay? Is this really on the path to my dreams? Or should I go?

And you know, number one, just, not just regarding this question right here, but all of the time people will ask me exactly that. And the thing that I always say is this is I always say, you know, I can't trick the universe and I don't wanna try to outsmart the universe. We're all the power and. I love that she sees that she, she knows that.

So in her question, she's not asking exactly that. She's saying, how, how do I navigate that? So I love that. But just if you've ever thought to yourself, cuz I'll see this all of the time where people say, well, I just need to ask a psychic who I need to be with, et cetera, et cetera. And the reality of it is, is.

We can't outsmart the universe. So if we have relationship patterns, they're going to show up. And all of the time I'll see people who, they may feel frustrated in a relationship so they've left their ex relationship or whatnot, [00:07:00] and only to attract that same type of circumstance over and over again. And so point being is that the way to really know if you're on track with your dream, That you really want is to program yourself for it, because the more you program yourself for it, the more you pick the right person, the more you'll align to the right person.

And it's kind of like this, you know, it, it's like when it comes to a relationship, it's like, imagine if you saw a, a lineup of a hundred people and they might all be attractive to you, but the person that, that's your person. It's like you have a pull towards them, an energetic match to them, and it's exactly like that because what happens is, you know, our patterns we attract based on our patterns, which can be a lot of times, maybe a mix of things, maybe mix of the positive and maybe the not so positive, depending, you know, it depends on which [00:08:00] relationships it shows up in.

But point being is that the more you can clean up your patterns, The better. And by the way, I say that however, you also don't wanna get stuck in a place of perfectionism where you feel like you need to clean up every pattern you've ever had to make sure you're perfect. And so you don't wanna do that either.

You know, really optimally what you'd want. Is you wanna find somebody who's also willing to work on themselves and wants to grow as well, because then as you change you and they change themselves, it's like you continue to transform together. So that is a really beautiful place to be. Now I do wanna say though, all of the time I have worked with people and seen people who have changed their own relationship patterns, and it did change.

The dynamic in the relationship, not because they were trying to control them. And by the way, you know, it's kind of funny, but I've had people [00:09:00] before who've been in really long-term relationships, you know, married for 30, 40 years, 50 years. And they might say something to me to the effect of, you know, that they're wanting to leave their relationship because it's not bad, but it's, but there's something wrong.

You know, there's, it's this problem or that problem, et cetera, and they really want change. And all of the time I'll see that that pattern exists inside of them. So what I'll typically tell people is this is I'll tell them, well, if you just leave the relationship right now, you're probably just going to attract that very thing again in another relationship and in another relationship.

So you might as well fix it now first. And see what happens. And I can't tell you how often people have done that very thing where they clean up their own pattern and then their partner changes. [00:10:00] And it's, again, it's not about controlling your partner. What it is, is it's like the dynamic changes. It's kind of like, you know, imagine for a moment if somebody's partner is not very loving, they're just not very hugging, and not very close, and not very connected.

And it's just not, not very affectionate, we'll call it that. And I've had people say that a very thing where they feel like their partner's not very affectionate. And maybe that's been a pattern that they grew up with, where they've had a father who wasn't affectionate and so they shift that energy and suddenly their partner changes and they think, oh my God, did I control my partner?

Did I change my partner? But it's not necessarily that what happens. Is their own behavior is different. They show up maybe softer or kinder or more receptive or you know, there's an energetic opening for them, their partner to be more [00:11:00] receptive. So it's just, either way, it's a beautiful thing. So my point being is that if you are somebody who is in a relationship and you are not sure.

If you wanna stay in the relationship, the very thing that you really wanna do, or one of them, we'll talk about another one. But one of the things that you'll wanna do is you'll want to make sure to look at your patterns. And clear them up. And so with this beautiful woman who wrote in, I would say definitely do that.

I love that you've identified the pattern as far as your father and feeling anger and guilt and, and that feeling, and then also the feeling of being like your mom and recreating that relationship. And I would say definitely. Reprogram your subconscious mind. You know, we'll really want to change these patterns because that's what happens.

These patterns will continue to create and show up in our lives in a variety of different ways. So that's one thing. And what'll happen, by the way, is this is [00:12:00] typically, as you clear your pattern, one of two things will typically happen is either your partner in that dynamic will change or you'll have even more clarity.

That now is the time to release the relationship and it'll be easier to do it. And because you'll feel more ready, your patterns will feel you'll, you'll have that knowing inside of you and more of it. And of course, let's be honest, leaving a relationship does take a certain level of courage to step up and say, you know what?

I need to leave. This is what I need to do. And so doing that and making that change, yes, it can feel challenging, but. The more you program yourself in the direction that you want to go, genuinely program yourself. The more your mind, the more your energy, the more your life takes you in that direction. And so that's the other thing that I really wanna recommend from this is that.

If [00:13:00] you are somebody in this situation where you're wondering the exact same thing, I want to invite you to get a vision, but it's a little tricky in this case. So I do wanna explain is that you'll wanna get a vision for the relationship that you do want and how you want it to go, but you'll want to.

Kind of not really see that other person in your vision. So maybe it can be blurry in your vision, but you wanna see you being in that relationship and and enjoying it. And now the reason that you don't really wanna see the other person as this is that if you picture your current partner, then there's a part of you that's really wanting to change them.

And that won't go well and is not an integrity and it, it doesn't go well for relationships. So you don't want that. And you also don't wanna picture somebody else either, because that would be out of integrity, you know, if you're in a committed, monogamous [00:14:00] relationship and you're picturing an intending to be with somebody else.

That's not good. And by the way, I have to say all of the time I have seen people who have been upset with their current marriage and they wanna leave and instead of leaving, they're waiting for somebody else. So they start picturing their dream relationship while they're married. And they start attracting a lot of negative circumstances or health issues or situations because that's not an integrity.

And I can't tell you how often I have seen that. I get it. And integrity is also so, so important. You know, you wouldn't want somebody to be in a relationship with you. And working on manifesting a different relationship with somebody else, you know? And so you of course wouldn't wanna do that to them. So just kind of generally speaking, if there's anybody who's in that situation, I just wanted to mention that because I have seen that come up quite a bit.

And so you won't wanna do [00:15:00] that. Now, the beautiful thing is, is that as you start programming yourself for your vision, again, you'll have a knowingness. You'll know. If it's time to leave the relationship, or again, the relationship can start to really go in the direction that you're wanting it to go, which is beautiful because I, I love her question because she mentions, you know, well, I'm not perfect either, and that could be a beautiful thing.

I mean, when you think about it for a moment, if somebody's spending 50 years together, 70 years together, 80 years, you know, their lifetime together to be able to grow together. Is a beautiful skill to have. It's a beautiful thing to have in a relationship, to be able to have that ability because you don't wanna get in a relationship and feel like you can't grow together.

And so if you are somebody who is in that situation, that's another exciting thing you could do to kind of. Test the relationship, if you will, and [00:16:00] see if it's the right one for you, or shape it in the direction that you want, is you could open that question and say, Hey, this is where I wanna grow. Let's, let's talk about this.

Let's get a vision together. Because ultimately the person that you would wanna spend your life with, Would wanna have that conversation with you, and that could be an open conversation that you have in your relationship. That would be beautiful. And by the way, I'm not saying that your vision has to be a codependent vision where you're both doing the same type.

Of things, but being able to have the conversation to speak about it, to speak about your future, to say, Hey, I'm working on this and that. You know, it's just, it's a beautiful place to be, and so I just wanted to mention that as well. Now, another thing that I see come up all of the time is that a lot of times if you have a partner who doesn't feel good enough and who is [00:17:00] self-critical, A lot of times there's other patterns that you may not see.

Maybe a feeling of superiority or maybe a feeling of being a caregiver to where it makes you feel good to be a caregiver. And what happens is then you'll continue to recreate. Relationships where you can be a caregiver. And so you wanna make sure to be careful and look at your own dynamic in relationships and really be willing to change you.

And by the way, I can tell you I have seen people who have gotten in relationships who have been really critical of their partner. You know, they felt like their partner wasn't good enough, wasn't showing up, so they were trying to like change their partner. And what a lot of times ends up happening when you try to change your partner and try to change your partner, a lot of times your partner does worse and worse and worse.

And I can't tell you how many times I've seen that, where somebody's trying to control their partner, they're trying to do it for their partner, they're trying to make their partner better and support their partner, [00:18:00] and they're so, they're just trying so hard to do that. The partner's failing more and more and more.

And so something else you really wanna do is in a relationship, you wanna let the person be who they wanna be, and make sure that that's the relationship you wanna have. And I can't emphasize that enough. It's just letting the person be exactly the way they wanna be and noticing how that feels for you.

And of course, Making sure to change and program how you wanna be and who you wanna be and the relationship that you wanna create. So I just love this question on so many levels and I wanna just bring everything together and invite you to decide how you want to grow in this. And so if this is your situation, you know, maybe it is growing the relationship, so maybe you are stepping outside of your comfort zone and saying, [00:19:00] Hey, What do you want our growth life to look like moving forward?

So maybe it's growing the relationship and testing it, seeing, hey, could this work? Or maybe you realize you've really been trying to make your partner better and you've really been trying to make that change, and maybe you let your partner be exactly the way they are. And you notice what that looks like and is that really the person that you wanna be with?

And of course, simultaneously changing your patterns because I have seen people try to control or shape or change somebody in a relationship. And the funny thing is, when they stop, the person can flourish. And by the way, I can't tell you how many times I've seen people where they break up in a relationship and that other person because they were feeling so squashed in the relationship once the relationship is dissolved.

That other person flourishes. And so point being is you just won't wanna [00:20:00] squash your partner and you'll really, really wanna change you. And the best thing that you can do is to really reprogram your patterns, reprogram your mind, get your mind aligned with the relationship that you do want. And what'll happen is inside of you, you'll have this knowing you'll have more and more clarity of what it is that you want to do.

And your life will start heading in that direction. But of course, genuine change is key. And the reason I emphasize this is sometimes I'll see people who will start getting a vision and they just get a vision, but they don't really. Change themselves, or they don't really change themselves in a grounded way.

And that's ultimately what you wanna do. Because at the end of the day, you are the power. You know you are going to attract the relationships, the circumstances, the situation, the healing, the empowerment you are going to attract that. In your life based on your patterns, your energy, your mindset, and so taking [00:21:00] that awareness in.

And I wanna invite you to just take at least one thing from this episode and see if you can apply it in your life. All right? So it has been such a pleasure connecting with you. Great. Fantastic question. And I wanna ask you to please do make a point to hit. The share button on this episode. You know, share it with somebody you love, somebody you care about, somebody you don't even know, or somebody maybe you know, who is feeling challenged right now.

That would be great sharing it because the more empowered that every single person is in our world, the better this world is for all of us. And so please do make it a point to have a most wonderful, fantastic rest of your day. And I look forward to connect with you on the next episode. We'll see you there.

Thank you for listening to Heal Yourself, change Your Life. All of the time people reach out and say how much these episodes have given them, hope or touched their heart, or help them stay positive in hard times, or even woken them up to a completely new level of awareness. Of how amazing we all really are.

If today's episode touched your heart or expanded your mind in any way, please do me a favor and be sure to share it with those you care about or those you know who really need it. As more and more people become empowered, it really will change our world for the better. That is the point and the power of these demonstrations is to create a radical shift in our world consciousness by showing every.

What we are all capable of. And of course each volunteer will really need to follow through to reinforce their programming, to maintain their results. But the point is for you to see that you really can create rapid results in your health and your life if you really understand how to use your mind. You are incredible.

And I do wanna be clear though, that most people will not get results this fast on their. I make it look very easy because of the discoveries that I made. You'll wanna remember that there's so much more going on in our minds at a deeper level than people realize. That said, if you wanna send me any questions or comments, come visit me on my [email protected] slash podcast.

And if you're currently experiencing physical pain and would like to be a volunteer on the show, you can sign up there as well. Last. Please remember, if you do have any health issues, you won't want to avoid your doctors. Instead, you'll wanna continue seeing them and make it your goal to blow their minds with what you are capable of with your mind.

Thank you.

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