IQ-237: The Overlooked Key to Creating Genuine Self-Love

Welcome to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life. My name is Brandy Gillmore, and after recovering from my own life-changing injury, it’s become my mission to share with others the same discoveries I made that changed my health and my entire life. Our minds are truly incredible. The placebo is proof of this.

Each week I will take this simple awareness to a whole new level. I’ll even coach live callers to free themselves of physical pain using only their mind, and then I’ll provide you with a combination of practical and spiritual insights that you can use to master your mind, your emotions, and your energy to help you heal your health, yourself, and your life.

Let’s begin.

Hello and happy beautiful day to you. On today’s episode, I want to talk about the topic of ultimate self-love. You know, so often people will message in and they say, you know, what is self-love? Or why is it feeling so hard to achieve? And that is a common question that I get. So today I want to just kind of unpack the bigger picture of why does it feel so hard? Or what is it, or why is it? Why are so many people struggling to achieve self-love?

Mixed Emotions and the Self-Love Struggle

And so as we dive in, the way I want to invite you to think about loving somebody is to think about somebody who you really care about, somebody you love, and think about the awareness that you can love somebody and you could also be mad at them or angry or have resentment. Now, of course, you wouldn’t want to do that, but that’s my point—that so often when it comes to feelings of self-love, people are trying to bring in self-love and bring in self-love, and they don’t pay attention to the deeper feelings that are opposite of that.

So in other words, a person may work for years on self-love. And meanwhile, at the same time, maybe they have a really strong pattern of self-criticism or a strong pattern of self-judgment, or being hard on themselves, or a feeling of insecurity. And so what happens is, you know, imagine if there’s somebody who you really love, and you’re feeling really insecure about them. It’s hard to really feel that ongoing feeling of love—or critical or judgmental. It interferes.

And so that’s what I want to invite you to look at in your own life: are you having a lot of mixed emotions that are really keeping you from feelings of self-love?

Self-Sympathy vs. Self-Love

Now, another piece that is so important is that all of the time I’ll see people who will work on bringing in feelings of self-love. And instead of self-love, they either do a few things. Either they end up inadvertently bringing in feelings of self-sympathy. And this is so common where they feel, and they bring in the feeling, they say, you know, “Oh, I had a really hard day. I’m gonna be nice to myself.” And that’s not the feeling of self-love.

Self-love—you want to have this feeling of feeling like you love who you are. You love who you are, you feel great about who you are. Does that mean you are perfect? No, I haven’t met a single human being who is perfect. And of course, simultaneously we are all perfect—and we’re perfect and growing and you know, it’s just like a newborn baby is so perfect. And also very far from perfect—you know, drooling on themselves and spitting up on things and whatnot. And so perfect.

And so we as human beings, of course, as we continue through life, we may not be quote-unquote perfect, and yet just like an infant—simultaneously perfect and growing.

And so, point being though is that sometimes people will bring in the feeling of self-sympathy. I see that all of the time. And the unfortunate thing is, is that a lot of times people don’t realize the difference.

And a way to think about the difference is like this: imagine 10 years from now, you have the feeling that says, “Oh, I’m gonna do this for myself because I had a really hard day.” Or instead, you have this feeling of feeling like, “Gosh, I just really love who I am and who I’ve become.” That’s the feeling of self-love. And so really getting good at that feeling is so key.

Positive Avoidance vs. True Self-Care

Now another form of self-love or another place that self-love gets mixed up so often is this: as people will say, as a form of self-care, they decide that they’re going to go do something because they’re feeling like life has been overwhelming. And so they ultimately start developing patterns of avoidance—positive avoidance—where they go, “Oh, I’m gonna go do something I enjoy.”

And what happens is, you know, life is stressful or they have this going on or whatever it is, and they say, “Okay, well I’m gonna go do a project,” or “I’m gonna go do art,” or “I’m gonna go do crafts,” or a massage or whatever that is. And of course, all of that can be really nice. But keeping in mind that the ultimate self-love and the ultimate self-care is identifying the patterns in your mind that aren’t serving you and really getting rid of them.

So for example, if somebody has a pattern of self-criticism, you know, so often people will distract themselves with this task or you know, or they’re gonna go take a walk in nature—which of course is great—but they’ll go take a walk in nature or they go, you know, “Oh well, I’m just gonna go, you know, do something or go get a massage,” and all of that. Again, it’s all wonderful.

But the ultimate, ultimate self-love is identifying patterns of dislike and really getting rid of them—of self-dislike or any patterns that interrupt self-love.

Healing Your Relationship with Yourself

And a way to think about it is like this. I mean, imagine if there’s a partner—somebody who has their partner—and they have all of this love, but they also have a lot of anger and resentment. And instead of clearing the anger and resentment, they say, “Well, let’s just go take a walk.” What is the biggest thing that’s really going to help their relationship?

I mean, the walk is nice. Also, if there’s a pattern—a continuous pattern of resentment or anger—genuinely resolving that is gonna take them much further in their relationship. It is going to equate to a much better relationship.

And so thinking about your relationship with yourself, what do you want that to look like? The ultimate self-love is really identifying patterns that are against self or, you know, not supportive of self-love and are interfering with that—and really re-patterning, reprogramming the mind at a deeper level, and then simultaneously genuinely cultivating feelings of self-love. So you really have this feeling of loving who you are and loving who you’re becoming.

Rewiring for Self-Love and Transformation

So that’s the insight that I want to share today. And I can tell you, so often I have seen people who have struggled for years and years and years with self-criticism or even being so mean to self or insecurities that kept them from really feeling the self-love and really feeling good in their own skin.

And once they changed that—and they really identified the patterns, really rewired it at a deeper level in the mind—it’s like they came alive to the next level. Just the level of confidence, the level of joy, the level of love for life and love for people—it was pivotal. And so that, of course, is my hope for you—is exactly that.

Notice what comes up for you. Start looking into yourself and see what it is that you really will want to reprogram in your mind—and do exactly that.

So that’s today’s quick IQ episode. It has been such a pleasure connecting with you, and as always, please do take just a quick moment to hit the share button on this episode. You know, share it with somebody you love, somebody you care about, or somebody you don’t even know—because the more that every single person in our world is healthy and happy, and loved and loving, the better this world is for all of us.

And so please do hit the share button and please do have an incredible rest of your day. I look forward to connecting with you on the next episode. We’ll see you there.

Thank you for listening to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life.

All of the time people reach out and say how much these episodes have given them hope or touched their heart, or helped them stay positive in hard times, or even woken them up to a completely new level of awareness of how amazing we all really are.

If today’s episode touched your heart or expanded your mind in any way, please do me a favor and be sure to share it with those you care about or those you know who really need it. As more and more people become empowered, it really will change our world for the better. That is the point and the power of these demonstrations—to create a radical shift in our world consciousness by showing everyone what we are all capable of.

And of course, each volunteer will really need to follow through to reinforce their programming, to maintain their results. But the point is for you to see that you really can create rapid results in your health and your life if you really understand how to use your mind.

You are incredible.

And I do want to be clear though, that most people will not get results this fast on their own. I make it look very easy because of the discoveries that I made. You’ll want to remember that there’s so much more going on in our minds at a deeper level than people realize.

That said, if you want to send me any questions or comments, come visit me on my website brandygillmore.com/podcast. And if you’re currently experiencing physical pain and would like to be a volunteer on the show, you can sign up there as well.

Lastly, please remember, if you do have any health issues, you won’t want to avoid your doctors. Instead, you’ll want to continue seeing them and make it your goal to blow their minds with what you are capable of with your mind.

Thank you.