Quick IQ Episode – The Hidden Misconception About Connection
Welcome to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life. My name is Brandy Gillmore. And after recovering from my own life-changing injury, it’s become my mission to share with others the same discoveries I made that changed my health and my entire life. Our minds are truly incredible — the placebo is proof of this.
Each week, I take this simple awareness to a whole new level. I even coach live callers to free themselves of physical pain using only their mind. And then, I provide you with a combination of practical and spiritual insights that you can use to master your mind, your emotions, and your energy — to help you heal your health, yourself, and your life.
Let’s begin.
Hello, and welcome to this week’s Quick IQ episode, where we talk about insights and questions. Today I want to share with you an extremely important insight — one that reveals a misconception that actually creates a lot of pain in people’s lives. It can affect your health, create problems, and bring unnecessary hardship.
Most people don’t even realize that it’s happening. In fact, it’s a huge misconception that I’ve seen so often — one that programs people’s minds in the wrong direction and impacts them deeply.
So, as we step into today’s episode, I’m going to leave a few breadcrumbs leading up to the answer. Because this idea is so popular and widely believed, some people might initially feel resistant to what I’m about to share. That’s why we’ll move step by step — so your mind can follow the train of thought all the way to the truth.
The Subconscious Drive for Connection
First and foremost, let’s look at this simple truth: the very things that bring us love and connection are what our subconscious mind wants to move toward.
A simple way to see this is by thinking about children. We’ve all heard before that if a child doesn’t get positive attention, they’ll reach for negative attention instead. Of course, this isn’t something conscious — it’s not like every five-year-old texts their friends and says, “Hey, if you don’t get positive attention, try getting negative attention.”
This instinct has been part of our human nature for ages. The subconscious mind needs connection — it needs attention, love, and human bonding — and it will do whatever it can to move in the direction of that connection.
Think of it like a tree or a plant that grows toward the sun. Sometimes, it grows completely sideways or at odd angles just to reach the light. Similarly, our subconscious minds grow and reach toward connection — even if we don’t consciously realize it.
That’s our foundation for today’s insight. Our subconscious is always seeking the light of connection.
How We Connect: Positive and Negative Pathways
When we look around, people connect in all types of ways — through social media, games, conversations, sports, hobbies, dancing, music… there are so many ways we find common ground and bond.
Some connections are deeply meaningful. Think about a couple on their honeymoon — there’s a deep, beautiful sense of connection there. Or imagine friends sharing dreams over dinner, laughing, and being truly present with each other. That presence is what creates the depth.
I just experienced this recently — I was out with a friend for a morning walk by the ocean. We talked, laughed, and enjoyed being fully present. It wasn’t about what we talked about — it was about the energy of connection in that moment. The laughter, the sweetness, the joy of simply being present.
That’s what real connection feels like — presence, joy, and shared energy in the moment.
The Misconception: Connecting Through Wounds
Now, this is where many people — especially in the personal growth or spiritual space — get caught. They believe that “real depth” means connecting over wounds or pain. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say that.
But here’s what’s happening beneath the surface: whatever our nervous systems associate with deep love and connection, that’s what we’ll be drawn to. So if, in the past, we’ve linked emotional wounds with feeling deeply connected to others, our subconscious will keep seeking that pattern — even if it brings pain.
This is so important to understand — because whatever connection pattern you hold inside will continue to shape your relationships and even your health.
Connection Can Be Rooted in Anything
For instance, think about football. Some people might say, “Football? That’s so shallow!” But others feel a deep sense of camaraderie and connection — family and friends cheering, laughing, sharing excitement. The activity itself isn’t what matters. It’s the feeling of unity.
So, it’s not about football — it’s about how you feel connected. The emotion behind the connection is what programs your subconscious.
Connection Through Trauma
Now, to take this further, think about someone who self-harms — for example, a person who cuts themselves. They can experience a momentary feeling of relief or euphoria from the act. That’s how powerful emotional association can be. It shows that we, as humans, can feel connection or release even through pain or trauma.
But we can also experience connection through joy — through laughter, dancing, celebration, love, and presence. Our minds can associate connection with trauma or with joy — it all depends on how the subconscious has been programmed.
Different Reactions to the Same Event
Here’s one more powerful example. Imagine two people experiencing the same natural disaster.
One person lives a life full of love and connection. When the disaster hits, they feel displaced and disconnected — they’ve lost the connections that made them feel safe and loved. It’s a painful experience of loss.
Now, imagine someone else whose life feels disconnected and isolated. When the disaster happens, they might experience the opposite — a deep sense of community and togetherness as people come together to help one another. For them, the tragedy becomes an experience of love and connection.
Both people experience the same event — but their subconscious associations are completely different. One person’s mind may want to avoid that trauma forever, while the other’s mind may subconsciously want to recreate that kind of situation again — because, deep down, it brought them the feeling of love and connection they crave.
Reprogramming the Subconscious Connection Patterns
I know this idea can feel counterintuitive — that someone’s mind might subconsciously link hardship with love and connection. But that’s exactly why I wanted to unpack this topic step by step. It’s something that can happen deep within the subconscious, often without people realizing it.
When this happens, people will say things like, “Real connection is when you talk about the wounding, the pain, and the hardship.” They believe this wholeheartedly — because that’s what feels like real connection to them.
However, once we begin to change those internal links — to reprogram the subconscious so that love and connection are instead associated with positive, joyful experiences — something profound happens. The subconscious starts to seek and attract more of those positive experiences instead.
Creating New Pathways for Connection
I’ve worked with countless people who had originally linked love and connection with pain or trauma. Once we shifted their subconscious pattern to connect love with happiness, laughter, success, and presence, their entire emotional reality changed.
They began to find depth and meaning in uplifting experiences — like sharing a joyful dinner, going for a walk, laughing, and simply being present. And as that pattern shifted, their subconscious began seeking out and manifesting more of that positivity.
Think about it — if your subconscious links connection to celebration, laughter, and love, that’s what you’ll naturally attract. Your energy becomes magnetic to joy.
Just like a couple on their honeymoon feels that deep connection through joy and presence, you can reprogram your mind to experience that same depth in everyday life — through positive emotion and shared happiness.
Connecting Through Positive Energy
As you move through your life, especially around the holidays or social gatherings, I encourage you to be fully present. Find the depth in a smile, in laughter, in simple moments of joy.
When you find depth in positive experiences, your subconscious begins to crave and attract more of them. And the more you do this, the more your life becomes filled with uplifting connections, love, and genuine happiness.
This doesn’t mean you should ignore or suppress the negative. As you’ve heard me say in other episodes, it’s important to address and release negative emotions from the subconscious. But it’s equally important to avoid connecting over negativity — because what you connect over, you continue to manifest.
Why This Matters for Healing
When you consciously choose to connect through passion, joy, and love, you shift the energy of your subconscious patterns. You attract more vitality into your life — and this directly supports your health, your relationships, and your overall energy.
I’ve seen people sabotage their lives by unintentionally connecting over their pain or hardships. They start to believe that being “deep” means sharing trauma or negativity. But once that pattern is rewired, and they learn to connect through celebration and gratitude, their entire life changes. They attract positive patterns instead of painful ones.
The Power of Positive Connection
It’s important to remember that the goal isn’t to avoid the negative — it’s to free yourself from it and then consciously choose where you connect. The more you connect through joy, love, and laughter, the more those emotions expand in your life.
Positive patterns, just like negative ones, can repeat and grow. Imagine a world where everyone connected through happiness, laughter, compassion, and unity. The energy of that would be incredible — and it starts with each of us choosing it for ourselves.
So as you go about your day, take a moment to notice what you’re connecting over. Is it joy? Is it pain? Is it hope? Whatever it is, know that you have the power to redirect that energy toward something that uplifts and heals.
When you connect over passion, joy, and love, you elevate not just your health and your emotions, but also your entire life. This is how we truly master our mind and energy — and by doing so, we can help heal our world, one connection at a time.
Closing Message
So, bringing everything together — today’s Quick IQ episode is an invitation to be conscious of how you connect. Notice what your subconscious associates with love and connection, and then gently begin to redirect it toward joy, laughter, and positivity.
And if this episode touched your heart or gave you a new awareness, please make a point to share it — with someone you love, someone who needs it, or even with someone you don’t know. The more we help others feel empowered, happy, and healthy, the better our entire world becomes.
So, with that, I want to wish you a most wonderful, loving, and joyful rest of your day. And I look forward to connecting with you on the next episode. We’ll see you there.
Outro Message
Thank you for listening to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life. People often write in to share how much these episodes have touched their hearts, given them hope, or awakened them to their own potential. If today’s message inspired you, please take a moment to share it — because when more people awaken to the power of the mind, it truly changes our world for the better.
And remember, if you’re experiencing physical pain and want to volunteer for the show, or if you’d like to send questions or comments, you can visit brandygillmore.com/.
Lastly, if you have any health issues, please continue seeing your doctors. Make it your goal to blow their minds with what you’re capable of — with the power of your own mind.
You are truly incredible. Thank you for being here — and I’ll see you next time.
