IQ-91 Transcript: Parenting With Love & Boundaries (Without Feeling Guilty)

Heal Yourself Change Your Life

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Welcome to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life. My name is Brandy Gillmore, and after recovering from my own life-changing injury, it's become my mission to share with others the same discoveries I made that changed my health and my entire. Our minds are truly incredible. The placebo is proof of this. Each week I will take this simple awareness to a whole new level.

I will even coach live callers to free themselves of physical pain using only their mind, and then I'll provide you with a combination of practical and spiritual insights that you can use to master your mind, your emotions, and your. To help you heal your health yourself and your life. Let's begin.

 

[00:01:11] Hello and welcome to this week's quick IQ episode where we talk about insights and questions And today I have a really great question from a mom regarding parenting and boundaries and guilt and fear and navigating parenting. So I absolutely love her question because I know so many people can benefit from the information that arises from her question.

[00:01:38] So I love that. And by the way, I know that as I read her actual question, some people are going to resonate with her question itself. However, I know that a lot of parents may not resonate with the actual situation, but still can have really powerful takeaways. So if you are a parent, likely there is [00:02:00] something that you can take from this, even if your situation isn't.

[00:02:04] It's not exactly the same as the question that I'm about to read. So that said, here we go. She writes in and she said, I hope it's okay to ask a question here. And that's because she wrote this question on social media and she said, I just listened to your last podcast episode and there was so much to take away from it.

[00:02:23] It also left me with a question. How do I make decisions around my daughter who has been really challenging? And basically her question is, how do I make. Decisions around her from a place of love, not from fear and guilt. And she goes on to describe that, you know, in her own home, she's trying to set boundaries.

[00:02:46] But her daughter doesn't really have to abide by them because she's 16. And so in this particular country, once a kid is 16, they can come and go as they choose and there's nothing [00:03:00] that a parent can say about it. So that's part of her situation. And she goes on even more to say that when she does set boundaries and tries to, that sometimes her daughter will just leave and go to somebody else's house or grandparents or whatnot.

[00:03:15] And so it's very challenging for her to try to parent and navigate this when her daughter is not listening. So she wrote a whole long thing and I love at the end of her message she said, That's an awful lot of waffle to get to the point lol. So she still has her sense of humor and also stress and hurt around it.

[00:03:34] And so that's where we're going and we're going to dive in and I'm just going to do a bunch of tips that can really help you to make a shift when it comes to parenting. That can be very helpful. So first and foremost, number one, as far as boundaries, if you're having a hard time with boundaries or if you're working on setting boundaries and getting kids to listen, the number one thing [00:04:00] is to make sure to start small and also reinforce The small things, meaning this, meaning that all of the time, parents will say something and then if it's something small and the kid doesn't listen, they just let it go because it's something small.

[00:04:18] But then what happens is that it trains the kid that they don't need to listen. And then, so when bigger things happen. They don't listen at all because they've been trained that it's okay to not listen and it becomes a lot more challenging. And so that's number one is to set very small things. And by the way, this can also work even if your kid is a teenager and they've been out of control.

[00:04:42] And you need to reel them back in. And by the way, I actually took in a friend's kid who was in a really bad spot and getting in a lot of trouble and had been kicked out of school and gotten in trouble with the law and all of these things. I actually took him in and helped him to straighten his life back out where he was getting [00:05:00] A's and B's and doing great in school and getting awards at school.

[00:05:03] I mean, it was just a complete turnaround. And that is one thing that I did, is that I would set small little boundaries, or say little things, and if there was any resistance, I made sure that it was followed through with in a loving way, because when you set the standard over small things, that they do what you say, and that's just a pattern, like they know they're trained.

[00:05:28] You say something, they listen, then when it comes to bigger things, they don't question it so much. It's easier. for them to just listen because they're trained to do that. So it makes it a lot easier. And so if you are somebody who has had a tendency to say something and then the kid doesn't listen and you think to yourself, oh, that's just something small, eek, you'll want to make sure not to do that.

[00:05:50] But instead, either don't say it at all, meaning if it's that small and you don't really care, then don't say it, but if it slips out of your mouth, no matter how [00:06:00] small it is, lovingly, kindly, make sure to reinforce it. Because again, now you're programming them to make sure to listen to what you're saying.

[00:06:08] And that's why you'll see some kids who listen to their parents very well. They are trained to do so. So that is number one. Now, another thing that you'll want to do, especially if they've been getting in trouble, but even if they haven't. But if they've been getting in trouble or going off on the wrong path, you definitely want to make sure to notice anything good that they do and celebrate the heck out of it.

[00:06:33] So any positive thing. Make sure to make it a big deal. Make them feel so good, so loved, because it gives you an opportunity and an excuse to give them a ton of love and to acknowledge them, to program in that direction. So their brain is super clear how to get love and how to feel good. And by the way, you know, I mentioned that I had taken in my friend's kid.

[00:06:55] And helped him to straighten his life back out, and he was in high school at the [00:07:00] time, and this is one of the things that I did, is that anytime he did something great, you know, I would call his mom, or his grandmother, or aunt, or even my friends, and say, hey, he just did X, Y, Z, whatever it was. Shower him with love, please.

[00:07:15] And they would do exactly that. They would acknowledge him, and so it was perfect. Because what would happen is as soon as he did something that he knew was positive, and he knew he was gonna get recognition from it, you could see this kid glowing and just beaming. His smile was so big before he even got it, because he knew What was coming and it was a powerful shift and what was great is that it created such a bond between him and I and a sense of trust and love that was powerful.

[00:07:44] And as that happened, of course, he wanted to do more positive things and. He also had more love and trust and respect for me. And it was a powerful shift. So that is another thing that you can do is just again, purposely look for [00:08:00] something, anything, especially if they've been going through a hard time, anything that you can make a big deal out of and start making a point to do exactly that, celebrate them.

[00:08:09] So that's number two. Now, of course, when it comes to energy, let's talk about energy and patterns for a moment. Number three. is to make sure to pay attention to what your patterns really are. So for example, this message that was sent in said, you know, I'm afraid of losing her. And that's something that I see all of the time, is people will have a pattern in their life that then starts showing up in their kids.

[00:08:40] Meaning this, meaning that I've worked with beautiful mothers before who have unfortunately had patterns of rejection. So they feel like, you know, the first husband left, the second husband left, etc, etc. But then they have this connection with the kids and they say, you know what, I don't need men. Let me just connect with my [00:09:00] kids.

[00:09:00] And it feels good until the kids start growing up. And then they have that pattern continue towards their kids. And so point being is, again, all of the time I'll see people who have a pattern and maybe it's with men or women or whomever. They have a pattern and they never fix it. So they just kind of avoid dating or avoid this person or that person, you know, they kind of avoid it.

[00:09:27] Until it starts showing up also in their kids. And so that's number three is really pay attention and notice if what's coming up for you has been a pattern. If the feeling is a pattern. So a feeling of fear of rejection or even if you recall in her question she said, what about feelings of guilt? And the thing of it is is a lot of times people will have patterns of feeling guilty that goes back to their childhood.

[00:09:56] And so if they've been feeling guilty from age four or five, [00:10:00] and then they say, well, I'm parenting and I'm feeling guilty. How do I just get out of this guilt? And all the time, what'll happen is people will try and they make changes in their action. But the truth of it is, is that it's a pattern of theirs.

[00:10:14] So no matter how they change their action, it then shows up for a different reason or this reason or that reason. And so self awareness and really being honest with self and making sure to transform patterns. And I have to say. Our family that comes in. So either our birth family that we were born into or kids that come in, the thing that you'll want to notice is that it is common for these to be some of the most challenging relationships.

[00:10:42] Because these are relationships that are patterns that have been lifetimes back and are now showing up again in this lifetime. So point being is just that these can be some of the most challenging patterns, but on a positive note, they can also be some of [00:11:00] the most transformative patterns when you really change them.

[00:11:03] Because a lot of times, you know, a pattern of guilt can wreak havoc on your life or fear or fear of rejection or feeling. rejected. And so for that reason, when you take these patterns and you genuinely transform them, it's a life changing gift. And so that's the way you'll want to look at it is really finding the gift in it.

[00:11:24] So that's number three. Now number four is another practical thing that you can do. And you can do this with kids of any age. And it's this, it's that, you know, a lot of times, Kids will say, Mom, can you do this now? Or can you do this with me? Or you know, they want something and sometimes it's easiest to tell them simply no.

[00:11:45] But what happens is if your kids want your attention and you tell them no, there's a sense of rejection or unloved. In it from you, then it can definitely feel like unloved and rejection. And so what I would invite you to do [00:12:00] is pivoted differently and instead say to your kids, you know what? I can't do it right now, but instead let's do that Saturday morning or let's do that Sunday or let's do that whenever.

[00:12:14] And now the great thing is, is instead of the kid ever experiencing. a feeling of feeling unloved or rejection. Instead, they have something to look forward to. So anytime they're asking, can we do this? Of course you can respond and say, we can't do it right now, but I'm looking forward to doing that with you on Saturday.

[00:12:33] Or I'm looking forward to doing that with you on Sunday. Or if it is something that you can't do, then answer no, but. So you could say, No, we can't exactly do that, but let's do this instead. This will be more fun. So the kid then feels loved instead of rejected or unloved, and then they have something to look forward to.

[00:12:55] So it's just a small pivot, but then the kid has something to [00:13:00] look forward to. Additionally, If you're saying it with a great tone that feels good and they're not feeling hurt or upset or rejected, the relationship is going to be better because, you know, if we look at an example, let's say that somebody is upset or hurt by another person.

[00:13:19] If any human is hurt by another person inside, they may be disgruntled, you know, just angry, upset, not happy, in which case, they're not as collaborative. So cooperative, in which case, the more they build that inner voice, that feeling of feeling annoyed or frustrated or upset or angry at you. And so kindness and the way that you communicate with your kids are so important because being conscious that everybody has an inner voice, if you will, or an inner feeling or an inner attitude.

[00:13:48] And the more there's this upset, disgruntled, pissed off, the harder they're going to be to manage and listen and behave. and be loving and kind and have that [00:14:00] bond. And so that of course is what you need. The more you have that bond and that respect and that connectedness, the easier everything is and that actually leads us to the final insight that we have today.

[00:14:12] And it's this, it's that the more you have a feeling of respect for self, the more kids will also respect you as well. You know, all of the time I have worked with people who have felt this feeling of disrespect in their life, where they have felt like people don't respect them. You know, their family doesn't respect them or their husband or their wife or whomever.

[00:14:33] And then they'll also say something like, my four year old doesn't respect me. My six year old doesn't respect me. And they start to notice. That it's also happening, you know, in these relationships with even their young kids. And so if that is the case, of course, you'll want to notice inside if you are respecting you and really feeling that sense of respect for self.

[00:14:59] And so [00:15:00] if not, again, it is a wonderful opportunity. To look at a problem and create that transformation, which is a beautiful thing. You know, again, if you think about my injury, the fact that, you know, I was on my injury to change my health and it ended up changing my entire life because I changed myself.

[00:15:20] And it's beautiful. And all of the time, I see that exact thing. You know, even if you think about every past episode where you see people who are taking some type of physical or emotional pain and transforming it, it doesn't just get rid of the problem. It opens up the next gift or life to the next level.

[00:15:39] And so you won't want to think about it. as a problem and be upset with it, but instead, of course, when you identify the problem and you see the problem taken, what is the opportunity from it and focus on the opportunity, the gift of transforming of where you want to be, where you want to go. and genuinely make that change.[00:16:00]

[00:16:00] Now that said, I know that there are several insights from this. I want to invite you to not overwhelm yourself. Just take one thing that resonates with you the most and really look at how you could apply this in your life. And of course, I want to ask you to please do. Make a point to hit the share button on this episode, you know, share it with somebody you love, somebody you care about, or somebody you don't even know because the more happy and healthy that every single person is in our world, including our wonderful kids.

[00:16:31] the better this world is for all of us. So please do hit the share button and please do make a point to have a most wonderful, fabulous rest of your day. And I look forward to connecting with you on the next episode. We'll see you there.

Thank you for listening to Heal Yourself, change Your Life. All of the time people reach out and say how much these episodes have given them, hope or touched their heart, or help them stay positive in hard times, or even woken them up to a completely new level of awareness. Of how amazing we all really are.

If today's episode touched your heart or expanded your mind in any way, please do me a favor and be sure to share it with those you care about or those you know who really need it. As more and more people become empowered, it really will change our world for the better. That is the point and the power of these demonstrations is to create a radical shift in our world consciousness by showing every.

What we are all capable of. And of course each volunteer will really need to follow through to reinforce their programming, to maintain their results. But the point is for you to see that you really can create rapid results in your health and your life if you really understand how to use your mind. You are incredible.

And I do wanna be clear though, that most people will not get results this fast on their. I make it look very easy because of the discoveries that I made. You'll wanna remember that there's so much more going on in our minds at a deeper level than people realize. That said, if you wanna send me any questions or comments, come visit me on my website@brandygilmore.com slash podcast.

And if you're currently experiencing physical pain and would like to be a volunteer on the show, you can sign up there as well. Last. Please remember, if you do have any health issues, you won't want to avoid your doctors. Instead, you'll wanna continue seeing them and make it your goal to blow their minds with what you are capable of with your mind.

Thank you.

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