Questions (IQ): 3 Hidden Patterns Behind Toxic Relationships (IQ. 274)

Welcome to Heal Yourself. Change Your Life. I’m Brandy Gillmore, and what I’m most known for is helping people to create radical transformations and even demonstrating the power of the mind and self-healing under medical equipment so you can see the results. And my work has even been published in a medical journal because it’s truly incredible what we are all capable of when we understand our own minds at a deeper level.

So whether you’re new to this work or you’ve been studying the power of the mind for many years, I love that you’re here. I love that we’re on this incredible journey together, and I look forward to sharing breakthrough information with you. That said, on this podcast, I’ll share two types of episodes.

First, self-healing episodes where I share key insights from working with live volunteers. And the second type are where I answer questions from the audience. That said, if you’d like to volunteer or submit a question, come visit me at BrandyGillmore.com. On that note, let’s dive in.

So let’s talk about three keys to transforming toxic relationships, because so often I see people who are affected with their health, with their life, with what they’re creating in life, and feeling hurt because of some type of toxic relationship. And unfortunately, I see it increasing, where people are feeling more hurt, more reactive.

And so let’s talk about how to really start getting out of that. And not only that, but what’s going on under the surface. And this is what I mean. You know, when we stop and think about it, relationships manifest in our lives. So we know that. You know, if you think about repetition compulsion, reenactments, you know, it’s well known somebody can marry a person like their mother or father or whatnot, but it goes even deeper than that.

And that’s what I want to talk about, is because so often if somebody’s in a toxic relationship, there are keys that can be going on at a deeper level that they don’t realize are attracting that very thing. Now, one of them could be this. Could be a feeling of guilt or feeling a need for deserving of punishment.

And so what can happen is from that place, there is always seeming to be a reactive person. Because when you say in your energy you need punishment or you’re guilty or you’re bad, you can attract situations and circumstances that reflect that in life. And so that’s one thing to look at, number one. Now, number two is this, is that so often what can happen is a lot of times people can be very sensitive, and even somebody who’s tough on the outside can be very sensitive on the inside.

And so what can happen is so often people get into a relationship where they’re feeling hurt or they’re feeling upset, and they’re triggering each other. So there’s a reactiveness going back and forth, even if it’s a silent treatment or whatever it is. But there’s a hurt and a reactiveness, and I see this so often where people might have a tendency to, to do this, to, to feel hurt, to feel upset, and then it just keeps going.

And so it creates, it creates that pattern, and it repeats it in multiple areas. And so that’s another one. And if you have that, if you’re somebody who is a bit sensitive and then feels reactive or hurt or defensive- You’d really want to change that because that can un- unfortunately fuels somebody else who is sensitive or reactive or hurt.

And what happens is then something that was intended to be very loving and sweet ends up feeling very painful, and I see that all of the time as well. Now, of course, number three is also about really changing the pattern at a deeper level, and what I mean by that is, of course, patterns, as we talked about in the beginning, patterns attract more of the same.

Now, what can happen is so often in a toxic relationship, there can be a feeling of powerlessness on, on… Maybe if there’s somewhere in the relationship where you’re feeling powerless, I would invite you to look at that and see how you feel you could step into your strength. And what I mean by that is sometimes it’s even a powerlessness because there’s a fear of rejection, or sometimes there’s some type of codependency or i- just that fear of rejection or abandonment, and that is the powerlessness.

And so I want to invite you to look at that because I’ve seen time and time again where people might feel powerless in a relationship because they’re so afraid to be rejected, and then there’s all this hurt, and it’s just perpetuating the problem. Now, those are three insights. Now, I have to say, there are so many more insights on this topic because it’s something that I see all of the time.

And then even, by the way, to be transparent, even the idea of calling relationships toxic, unfortunately, what happens so often is this, is people will, will label something toxic, and because they’re labeling it that, they increase the energy of it in their life because it feels like a buzzword. It’s like, “Oh, this is toxic, and that’s toxic.”

And unfortunately, it creates more and more and more of the same. So that could also be something you may not want to label it as well because you don’t wanna create energy on the things that you don’t want, but instead loving, amazing, incredible relationships that you do want. Now, there’s another insight that I want to give you as well, just kind of a c- a precautionary one, and it’s this.

Sometimes I’ll see people who are in a toxic relationship, and they tell themselves… Like, they finally get to a point of, like, anger, and when they get to a point of anger, but really ultimately they start feeling like they deserve better. They deserve better, they deserve better, and they start to feel like, “You know what?

I don’t deserve all of this.” So what happens is they start to feel deserving, and that’s a good thing because they don’t feel like they deserve the problem anymore, and, and that’s fantastic. But what can happen is that sometimes they express it through anger, and they feel like they get their strength from anger.

What happens? I’ve repeatedly seen people then end up getting sick from it as well, where they go into this anger and they feel like anger is the answer. They had to access their anger to leave, uh, some type of toxic situation. So you don’t want to really go into a bunch of anger. You don’t need anger to take action.

You need strength to take action. Now, by the way, if you ask me how many times I’ve seen people who have mistakenly thought that they got strength from anger, and so they felt strong, and they went into anger to access their strength, and then it ended up simultaneously then resulting in being connected to some type of health issue, I’ve seen it all of the time.

And so you want to think about your strength and really, really, really access your strength, not from necessarily, though, from anger, from wisdom, from deservingness, from feeling confidence, from really getting into your strength. And, and that’s a huge insight just because, again, uh, so often I see people who might Have heard before and I, where they go, “Okay, well I need to access more of my anger to stand up for myself,” or whatever it is.

And it doesn’t go well. It’s kind of like this. And th- the analogy that I use all of the time is like this, is that if I want to open my window, um, I could use a hammer to do so. Uh, but then afterwards I would have to clean up the glass and replace the window, etcetera. So it might work, but with also some side effects.

And so could we ever use ang- or anger to get some strength? We could. But then have I seen the side effects and the cleanup of that? Many, many, many, many times. And so ultimately what you’d want to do is really step into your strength and feel a sense of confidence and, and really work on that, and deservingness.

Because so often if there’s an insecurity, if there’s a codependency, if there’s a fear underlying, then what can happen is, i- is feel stuck in a toxic relationship and powerless. And it just stays there. And of course, staying there in that powerless relationship is not where you want to be. And, and of course m- maybe as you step into your power more, then maybe the relationship evolves.

So I’m not necessarily saying that you have to leave the relationship. I see the most incredible transformations in relationships all of the time. And so that can happen as well. So the bottom line is the more you change you, the more it really, really does transform your relationships, your life, your health, your happiness.

It’s incredible. So those are the insights that I want to share today. And by the way, if you are somebody who’s wanting to understand healing at a deeper level, there is a link in the show notes for a free training as well. And as always, please do hit the share button on this episode. You know, share it with somebody you love, somebody you care about, or somebody you don’t even know, because the more that every single person in our world feels healthy and happy and loved and loving, truly the better this world is for all of us.

And so please do take a moment to hit the share button, and please do make a point to have an incredible rest of your day. I look forward to connecting with you on the next episode. We’ll see you there.

Thank you for listening to Heal Yourself. Change Your Life. If you’d like to become a volunteer or join our members area, you can do so by visiting BrandyGillmore.com. Also, please remember to be responsible with your health. This podcast is for inspirational purposes only. You won’t want to make any changes to your medication or to your medical care based on this podcast, nor would you ever want to avoid seeing your doctor.

Instead, it’s best to see your doctor regularly, keep them informed on what you are doing, and you could make it your goal to blow their minds with what you are capable of with your mind. Thank you