Questions (IQ): Have You Been Working on Self-Love but Still Feeling Unloved? (IQ. 272)

Welcome to Heal Yourself. Change Your Life. I’m Brandy Gillmore, and what I’m most known for is helping people to create radical transformations, and even demonstrating the power of the mind and self-healing under medical equipment so you can see the results. And my work has even been published in a medical journal because it’s truly incredible what we are all capable of when we understand our own minds at a deeper level.

So whether you’re new to this work or you’ve been studying the power of the mind for many years, I love that you are here. I love that we’re on this incredible journey together, and I look forward to sharing breakthrough information with you. That said, on this podcast, I’ll share two types of episodes.

First, self-healing episodes where I share key insights from working with live volunteers. And the second type are where I answer questions from the audience. That said, if you’d like to volunteer or submit a question, come visit me at BrandyGillmore.com. On that note, let’s dive in

So I have a very counterintuitive insight and question for you when it comes to the topic of self-healing and also self-love, and it’s this. It’s that can self-love backfire when it comes to self-healing? The answer is yes and no, and yes and no, and that it’s tricky, and it’s depth. There’s depth there, but I see this happen all of the time, so let me unpack this.

You know, so often you hear people talk about self-love, and that it’s important, and of course it is. To love who you are and to feel good about who you are is so important. It really is beautiful in relationships. And yet, this is what I also see all of the time that actually ends up backfiring, and it’s this.

I’ll see people who are working on feeling self-love, and they’re not really healing their relationships. So maybe they also have patterns in relationships of feeling unloved or unappreciated or, um, rejected or whatever it is. So what ends up happening is this, is imagine if somebody has a pattern of feeling unappreciated, and then they start really focusing on self-love without cleaning up their relationships.

What can happen, and I see this all of the time, is people say this. They say, “Well, now that I’m loving myself, I don’t have to deal with this.” And the feeling of feeling unloved or the feeling of feeling unappreciated or the feeling of feeling whatever it is. So in other words, they’re working on part of the pattern, but not the whole thing.

And instead of using self-love to create more love by healing their relationships, they instead use self-love in a way where they say, “I’m not gonna deal with this anymore. I’m not gonna deal with this anymore.” Now, the problem is, is this. is that the pattern unfortunately repeats. So in other words, if somebody has a pattern of feeling not appreciated, and so they say, “Well, I’m not gonna put up with this anymore.

I’m not gonna put up with not feeling appreciated,” and the pattern just repeats and repeats and repeats and repeats and repeats, what ends up happening? A person ends up feeling like they’ve always got to be angry or upset or defensive or whatnot because they’re loving self and they’re defending against the pattern instead of transforming the pattern.

So I know it can be a little bit tricky, but let’s be honest, fixing a computer or fixing a car or, you know, everything needs to work together. And so when we think about the mindset for a moment, things do need to work together. And so unfortunately, what I have seen time and time again is I’ll see people, and you- you’ve maybe seen this before, too, where somebody starts to really feel this feeling of love and respect towards self, which is fantastic, but then the way it backfires is instead of fixing their other relationship patterns, they become reactive.

And what I mean by that is imagine somebody who doesn’t feel appreciated. They feel unappreciated, unappreciated, and that’s how they feel. Now, in their relationships, it may or may not be true. Like in other words, I’ve worked with people who were very appreciated but weren’t good at receiving compliments So my point is there can be other patterns underneath.

And so what then ends up happening is that I’ve seen time and time again where people go, “Okay, well, I love myself, and I’m not gonna put up with this and this and this any longer.” And their go-to is creating these, quote-unquote, boundaries instead of their go-to then being, okay, they’re loving their self, and what other pattern do they need to change?

Do they now need to change also to… Can they see where there’s been a pattern of feeling unappreciated, and can they also change that? Or there’s been a pattern of feeling hurt, and can they also change that? And so that’s the insight that I want to share with you just because I can’t tell you how often I’ve seen this.

Or another example, I’ll see women where they go, where they, maybe they’ve been through a negative relationship, maybe a, a man who did this and that and didn’t appreciate them and whatnot, and then they started coming into a feeling of self-love. And then what they start doing is they’re a bit abrasive.

They start going, “Okay, well, I’m not putting up with this and not putting up with that and not…” And I, by the way, I, I absolutely understand having standards, as anybody should. We shouldn’t put up with negative things in life or, you know, we don’t wanna fill our circle, in our inner circle with people who we don’t really respect and love and, and feel like have positive influence and potiv- positive connection in life and have healthy patterns, too.

So it’s, so it’s not about not having that, but it’s about the feeling that’s evoked, the feeling, and what does that look like? Because sometimes I’ve seen people where they go into self-love, and they go into a superiority or an abrasiveness or a setting boundaries feeling that then ends up negatively impacting their health.

Now, part of the reason that I’m telling you this is because if you ask me how many times I’ve seen this just in the past week, multiple, multiple times, and all kinds of different health issues. Because somebody was working on themselves, which is fantastic, but self-love, when somebody’s loving self, self-love should not then be a desire to then punish others or to reprimand others or to, um, be abrasive with others.

Self-love should be loving self and then should also equate to more love. And even if you, there is somebody that you don’t want in your space, lovingly saying, “Okay,” you know, keeping a boundary, but not from a, a place of negativity, but from a place of really creating that change. And if there is something that is very negative Being willing to look inside also and say, “Why is this pattern created?

Why, what is going on that is recreating or perpetuating this problem?” Because that negativity so often is just another pattern, and so what can happen is that somebody’s fighting against the pattern instead of resolving the pattern. So that’s the insight that I want to share just because I’m seeing a lot of it.

I’m seeing, unfortunately, a lot of it, of people who say, “Wait a second. I’ve been in personal development and spiritual and healing for so long, and I’ve worked on everything.” And then they have this new diagnosis, and they’re like, “But what’s going on?” And I’m like, “Well, okay, well, this is what’s happening.”

There’s the self-love, but self-love didn’t, isn’t feeling loving. It’s feeling abrasive or punishing towards others or superiority or righteousness or, or command. Like it ju- it’s not feeling loving. And so that’s the insight that I want to share with you today is exactly that, is that it, no matter where you are in your journey, if you’re working on self-love, make sure it feels like self-love.

And if you are in self-love and there are patterns that keep showing up, what is the pattern? What is, what is happening? What is showing up? Instead of just always being mad at this person and that person and this situation and circumstance, what is that pattern? Can you change that? And so, and, and just coming from that place of feeling love and loving.

So those are the insights that I want to share today, and it has been such a pleasure connecting with you. And as always, please do hit the share button on this episode. You know, i- if you think about it for a moment, if every single person is in a place of self-love, and they’re doing so from a loving, loving, wonderful, beautiful place, what does this world look like?

It’s beautiful. It is absolutely beautiful. And so just from that place, you know, hit the share button. Share it with somebody because imagine what that looks like for your relationships, for your life, for your family, for your friends. It’s a beautiful place to be. And then by the way, if you are somebody who is working on healing yourself, there’s also a free training in the show notes.

There’s a link there for a free training to understand more about mind body healing and how it works. Because also, the more that everybody understands how to heal themselves, it truly is an incredible, incredible ability that we all have and an incredible life. So food for thought, and I wish you an incredible rest of your day.

I look forward to connecting with you on the next episode. We’ll see you there.

Thank you for listening to Heal Yourself. Change Your Life. If you’d like to become a volunteer or join our members area, you can do so by visiting BrandyGillmore.com. Also, please remember to be responsible with your health. This podcast is for inspirational purposes only. You won’t want to make any changes to your medication or to your medical care based on this podcast, nor would you ever want to avoid seeing your doctor.

Instead, it’s best to see your doctor regularly, keep them informed on what you are doing, and you could make it your goal to blow their minds with what you are capable of with your mind. Thank you