Questions (IQ): How to Release Mom Guilt and Feel Like a Great Mother Again (IQ. 267)

Welcome to Heal Yourself. Change Your Life. I’m Brandy Gillmore, and what I’m most known for is helping people to create radical transformations, and even demonstrating the power of the mind and self-healing under medical equipment so you can see the results. And my work has even been published in a medical journal because it’s truly incredible what we are all capable of when we understand our own minds at a deeper level.

So whether you’re new to this work or you’ve been studying the power of the mind for many years, I love that you are here. I love that we’re on this incredible journey together, and I look forward to sharing breakthrough information with you. That said, on this podcast, I’ll share two types of episodes.

First, self-healing episodes where I share key insights from working with live volunteers. And the second type are where I answer questions from the audience. That said, if you’d like to volunteer or submit a question, come visit me at BrandyGillmore.com. On that note, let’s dive in

So imagine a woman who loves her children, is really, really trying to do every single thing that she can for them, and caring for them, and also trying to make sure she has a wonderful relationship with her husband, and also support the children, and also make sure dinner is taken care of, and also grocery, and also the house, and also…

And doing all of these things, and simultaneously feeling guilty for not being enough. That is so common that literally mothers are stretched and stretched and stretched with every single responsibility, and then simultaneously feeling not enough, feeling guilty. Now, that’s what I want to share about today is exactly that, is, you know, so often that topic of mom guilt comes up, not only for young children, but what can happen is this pattern of mom guilt can continue on even after the children leave the nest.

You know, so often I’ll see people who have been, um, so used to feeling that guilt, then even after their children are gone, what are they feeling? They’re feeling, uh, guilt that they didn’t do enough, uh, guilt that they weren’t the perfect parent, guilt that they didn’t teach their children this or that or whatever it is because what happens is that the guilt feeling, the mom guilt feeling, becomes such an ingrained pattern for, you know, the 18 years of, of th- the childhood, if you will, that then even beyond that, you know, years and years and years later, the guilt is persisting in one way or another.

“Oh, I didn’t teach them this,” or, “I didn’t do this,” or, you know, “If I would have done this,” or, “If I would have done that,” or… All of the time I see this. And so I want to take a moment to really address this topic because of course, you know if you’re here, how much emotions can impact your entire life, your health, your happiness.

You know, so often what can happen is this guilt is stored in the subconscious mind, or it keeps, you know, coming up, and it becomes a, like this heavy feeling. You know, even if you think about somebody who’s on the beach in their favorite place in the world, if they’re walking along the beach in their favorite place in the world, or wherever it is And they feel all of this guilt.

It takes from the moment. It, it feels heavy. You can’t feel life the way you want to. And so often what can happen is people are suppressing these negative emotions, and so life doesn’t feel as fun. Just like being in your favorite place in the world wouldn’t feel as fun if you’re feeling really heavy, guilty feelings.

And so what can happen is just, you know, so often people get used to suppressing these emotions so they don’t feel and realize how intense they really are, and yet they continue throughout life. And so I just wanna talk about a few quick ways that you can really start to address this and, and really start creating this change.

And of, of course, I would say number one is this, and this I know can be counterintuitive for a lot of people, or even increase guilt for some people, and that’s exactly why I want to address it, is number one, making sure to give yourself time for you intentionally, and not just giving yourself time for you.

We’ve all heard give yourself time for you, right? We’ve heard that before Give yourself time. The problem is, is that most times when somebody gives themselves time for themselves, a mother gives themselves time, what do they do? They feel more guilty. They feel guilty the whole time they’re doing it. So I would say make sure to give yourself time for you, but also decide how you want to feel about it, which is a feeling of maybe feeling like a great role model, feeling wise for doing it.

Because let’s say you’re a wonderful mother, and you’re giving yourself time for you, and that is a great example for your children to do for themselves when they grow up. So then you can feel like it is role model time, right? What would you want your children to do when they grow up? Would you want them to never give themselves time for themselves?

Or would you want to them to make sure they always get time for themselves? So if you want to call it role model time, that would be fantastic, and that could help relieve or release and shift that mom guilt to actually feeling good about doing something for yourself. And of course, not only that, but as you’re doing or taking time for yourself, then when you go back into connecting with everybody, of course, it’s with more happiness, more joy.

It can feel even better and feel more, uh, revitalized to do and be and show up and be present. And so that is one thing that you could do. Of cour- of course, making sure to, uh, have that emotional feeling, feeling good about it. So that’s one thing. Another thing is to really define the role, uh, and be good at delegating.

You know, so often on the subconscious mind, I see women who have patterns of self-sacrifice or beliefs that they should put everybody else first all of the time. And so with the belief of self-sacrifice or they should be doing everything, then of course, guilt, guilt, guilt. So even if somebody is knows, like, “Okay, well, let me delegate.

Let me help… Let me have my husband do it,” or, or, uh, somebody or a helper or somebody else or whatnot. Even when I’ve seen people delegate They still feel guilty about it. So that can be one thing. They feel like they should be doing it. They’re the mom, and I see that all of the time. Or a person wants to be able to delegate, but it doesn’t happen.

Like, they can’t, and they feel stuck. Why? Because on a deeper level, in their subconscious mind, they feel like, “I should, I should have to do this.” And I see that all the time. So what ends up then unfolding and quote-unquote manifesting, if you will, is exactly that. Like, a woman f- can feel like, a mom can feel like, “This is my role, and this is what I should do.”

And meanwhile, there’s also work on top of that, and everything else on top of those things. And so I would say that really consciously becoming aware of what your mind feels like the role should be, because feeling guilt on top of feeling stretched or even handing something off and then feeling guilty, it’s just something that I see all of the time impact a person’s health and life.

So there’s that. And another thing that I would say, so that’s number two. Number three, I would say this, is that- So often kids can feel like they want more and more and more and more, and it just feels like never enough, never enough. And it’s like if you don’t actually count the time, if you will, it, it can feel like never enough.

And so this is what I’ve had people do in the past is, and it works fantastic, is decide how much time you feel like is good to spend with your children, and also how much time they should feel spending independently. And the reason I say that is because so often if kids say, “Okay, but can you do this?

Can you do this? Can you do this?” A person can feel very, very guilty, and I see it all of the time. And, you know, if we stop and think about, and we just think about what do children want. I mean, a childr- a child may want ice cream for breakfast, okay? But that doesn’t mean they necessarily get it, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s good for them.

And so all of the time children can want and want and want and want, but it doesn’t mean that it’s really what is in their best interest, you know? I know personally, you know, growing up, I appreciate that my mom was not there all of the time. Now she was there, but not all of the time, and so I had a lot of also independent time, which made me an independent thinker.

Like it helped me to grow up to be very independent and self-sufficient, and also have a wonderful mother. And so that, that was good. And so often we’ll see people, you know, even, uh, Forbes or research can show that if a child has a mother who’s a working mother, it can actually, they can be, uh, more emotionally balanced.

They can have more independence. They feel more confident. They can be more, uh, quote-unquote, “successful,” if you grade success on career. Uh, but they can have different careers or, or what. Now my point is, is that both are needed, and sometimes what can happen is, of course, if a child is very needy and always wants mom and always wants mom and always wants mom, it can feel a feeling of guilt inside, but it’s also not necessarily great for the child at every age.

Now of course, certain ages that, that is important. But my point is, is to make it, uh, very logical, if you will, because so often how many mothers do you think feel like it’s just never enough, never enough, never enough? And so what can happen is if you say, “Okay, look it, this is how much time I feel like I should really give to the children,” and then what happens is then once you do that, you get to say, “Okay, look, I met my quota.

I met the amount. I met the number.” And so that can be really, really helpful in telling yourself like, “Okay, I-” That’s enough. Like, I’ve done it. Anything else is extra. Because again, we’re talking about the mom guilt for a moment, and that feeling of never enough, never enough just perpetuates. And so if you have a feeling that says, “Look, I have, I, I have…

This is a good amount,” it can give you a feeling of relief. Because if you’re always feeling like, “Well, I haven’t spent enough time, I haven’t done this,” it just perpetuates that very guilty problem over and over and over. Now, uh, another thing that if you really stop and think about it, another thing that can happen, because sometimes, like I’ve seen so many mothers that say, “Look it, I’m trying to…

Like, if I’m trying to do work,” and they want this and they want that or whatnot, they feel very pulled all of the time. And one thing that you can do is instead of telling the kids no, so, so often somebody will say, “Well, I just don’t want to tell them no,” or they tell them no and then the child feels upset and whatnot, but instead giving the child something to look forward to.

So for example, um, a woman that I recently worked with who was, uh, dealing with all kinds of health issues because of mom, mom guilt. You know, she felt horrible, like no matter what, and she just felt like she couldn’t keep up, and she was also always feeling guilty. And so one of the things that I had her do was this, is I said, “Look it, create a play day, a, a designated time, like maybe it’s Friday afternoon, maybe it’s Saturday, uh, where you guys, like it’s game time or it’s together time or whatever it is.”

And I said, “And then every time, like when you’re, when, when there’s something that you can’t do at the moment and you say, ‘Oh my gosh,’ get the child excited.” So instead of saying, “No, we can’t do this right now,” or, “No, I can’t do this,” say, “Oh my gosh, let’s do that on Friday,” or, “Oh, let’s do that on Saturday during play time.

That’ll be fun.” Now, doing it in that way creates a different feeling with the child of excitement, of like, oh, something to look forward to, something to feel excited about. Instead of like, “No, I’m busy. I have other things to do,” which can make the child feel what? Unimportant or rejected. Because they don’t know what you might know that, oh, let’s just do a Friday.

Let’s just do a Saturday. Let’s … You, like, you might be thinking in your mind, “Well, let’s … Of course, we can do it at a different time,” but they might hear, “No, I’m busy. I have to work right now.” Or, “Look, I love you, but I have to work,” or, “I love you, but I have other things.” Instead, the nice shift or redirect is just simply, “Oh my gosh, that sounds so much fun.

I, I’d love to do that with you, but let’s do that on Saturday. Let’s do that on Friday during this time. That’s gonna be so much fun.” So even maybe it’s not optimally what the child wants to hear, you can start creating a different feeling. So instead of feeling rejected or hurt or upset or frustrated or unimportant, then it becomes a great, sweet feeling for both people.

And, and by the way, with training, of course, as children need, uh, with training, it actually creates a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful flow. And so that’s another insight is kind of keeping in mind exactly that, is that so often, you know, training children. So sometimes what happens is that, you know, i- if sometimes you say, like, it’s, it’s all over the place, if there’s a lot of inconsistency where it’s like your d- mom guilt can drive a feeling of, let me just stretch myself, stretch myself, stretch myself.

And then the mom guilt, and then finally it’s like, but I can’t. And then, you know, because they, the children get so trained to getting everything that they want, it can feel then not good, more guilt, unloved, etcetera. It create, can create a negative emotional state, which doesn’t feel good and just increases more and more guilt.

So Those are some practical insights and practical things that you can do to start shifting this just because, again, you know, I just see so often where women are more and more and more feeling stretched, feeling not enough no matter what they do, and it’s just stuck in the cycle. So just simplifying this, you know, really de- deciding and become consciously, consciously aware of the cycle, of the intensity and, um, and making a plan to get yourself out of it to really actually feel grounded, to feel good, to feel like a wonderful mother.

Because ultimately, when you feel like a great mother and you feel confident and you feel loving, and if you feel happy and you feel good, that everybody can feel happy in that, and it can really create even more positive energy. And so food for thought. And again, you know, ultimately, what are we looking at?

We’re looking at the emotions and how they impact somebody, and just things that come up and that I see over and over and over again. So if you are somebody, by the way, who is working on healing yourself and you want to understand more about how these emotions or mindsets can impact your physical body, then, um, you can click the link on the show notes.

There is a free training, um, on mind body healing, so that is available. And as always, I want to ask you, please do take just a quick moment to hit the share button on this episode. You know, share it with somebody you love, somebody you care about, or somebody you don’t even know, because the more that every single person in our world feels healthy and happy and loved and loving, truly the better this world is for all of us.

And so please do take just a quick moment to hit the share button, and please do make a point to have an incredible rest of your day. I look forward to connecting with you on the next episode. We’ll see you there.

Thank you for listening to Heal Yourself. Change Your Life. If you’d like to become a volunteer or join our members area, you can do so by visiting BrandyGillmore.com. Also, please remember to be responsible with your health. This podcast is for inspirational purposes only. You won’t want to make any changes to your medication or to your medical care based on this podcast, nor would you ever want to avoid seeing your doctor.

Instead, it’s best to see your doctor regularly, keep them informed on what you are doing, and you could make it your goal to blow their minds with what you are capable of with your mind. Thank you